Wedding Etiquette Forum

Prematurely freaking out about guest list

My fiance and I had a mutual friend who introduced us. Along the line she started hating my guts and while my man and I have been dating for 3 years, almost every encounter I've had with her as resulted in my tears-- Even at work. She's come to parties I've thrown/cooked for an instulted my food and everything. She punched a wall once. Very scary lady.

Needless to say, she's not invited to our wedding. She hasn't talked to my fiance in 6 months anyway, so he's okay with it.

However, we have mutual friends who are all pretty tight knit. I was worried about one female friend in particular who is single that she might bring this particular not-nice girl to my wedding as her plus one. People told me I was ridiculous.

HOWEVER, I just found out that for another friend's wedding, she's doing just that. She's taking this univited girl as a plus one.

I know you can't choose people's plus ones, but how can you say that there is someone you don't want at your wedding without sounding mean? I know it's far in advance to worry about this, but another person was talking to us about our wedding and even mentioned how this one girl will be there. We didn't know what to say, so we didn't say anything.

I don't mean to sound like a bridezilla. I usually have no problems with people that are too bad to deal with. But on my special day, is it awful to want to exlude grumpy meanies who get their kicks from making me feel like dirt?


Re: Prematurely freaking out about guest list

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    CellesCelles member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    Invite your mutual friend without a +1 if she's single, or invite her significant other by name if she's in a relationship. It isn't necessary to extend an open invitation to an unnamed +1.
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    You are right, you cannot really dictate who someone's plus one might be. If this girl hates you guys so much, do you think she might decline?
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    Why don't you just not give the other girl a "and guest"?  Does she have a BF?  Then you can invite her and her BF by name. 

    If for some crazy reason the toher girl does end up at your wedding (as a guest of someone else), just ignore her.  You'll be so busy with everyone else.  She's just one person, you'll barely notice her anyway.  Remember you can't control everything no matter what you do, so try to just roll with the small things.  Believe me, it will save your sanity.
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    If the girl being invited knows lots of others at the wedding and is not dating anyone, don't give her a random +1. If she's dating someone, name that person as her guest. (This really only works if you follow it for most single people and only make exceptions for family, WP, etc).
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    annakb8annakb8 member
    First Comment
    If this girl really hates your guts I doubt she would be interested in attending your wedding. Also, if your friend is truly single you are not obligated to give her a plus one.
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    I had the same problem with my uncle and his golddiggingwhore of an ex wife. Since I couldn't guarantee that she wouldn't be his plus one, I invited him without a plus one. Guess what? He brought her anyway! Fun times! I would hope that this mutual friend of your would know what the relationship between you and crazy lady is like and not bring her. But if she does, mutual friend and crazy lady are the ones who look silly. I can't guarantee that you won't notice crazy lady (I noticed the golddigging whore), but I can promise you that you'll be so focused on other stuff that you won't have enough time to think more than "wow, that ho has a lot of nerve." And you'll move on and your day will be lovely.
    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
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    Haha thanks so much guys! You made me feel a lot better.

    So I guess it's definitely a no-no to directly ask my mutual friend to not bring this girl? My parents are convinced that's what I need to do.
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    What I am planning on doing is only inviting spouses and significant others as 'plus ones' by addressing the invitations specifically to the two individuals. (The only exceptions I am making is letting single friends who are traveling from far away and will not know anyone other than myself at the wedding bring a 'plus one' so they will have someone to travel with and sit with at the wedding.) I know this may not be the traditional way of doing things, but I think it keeps things a lot more simple. I hope this helps you! 
    Anniversary Visit The Nest!
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    mica178mica178 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    OP -- are you giving +1s to all of your single guests?  If so, you cannot tell anyone who they can or cannot bring.  If you restrict your +1s to people in relationships, you can avoid this problem by giving your mutual friend no +1 or writing down the name of her significant other.
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