FFIL rehearsal dinner

ajcassell512

Ok, need some advice about the rehearsal dinner. My FFIL has agreed to pay for the rehearsal dinner (I had counted on not having one but FI came to me and said his dad wanted to have one). I have now been left in charge of planning yet another aspect of our wedding. I drafted an invite list and FI tells me last night that my brothers and SO's shouldn't be invited. However, I think they should definitely be invited seeing as how one's two little boys are in the wedding and the other two are coming from OOT. What should I do? I am so supremely stressed about the whole wedding planning!! Lol! Also, he doesn't think grandparents (!!!) should be invited either! I think it's because we both know his dad is kinda tight with his money but I'd rather not have one than be rude to my fam.

Meegles4

For the brother who's kids are in the wedding, I'd invite them. The kid needs to be at the rehearsal, and assuming he/she is a young kid, the parents need to be there too.

As for the OOT brother, if he is not in the wedding, then that's a call you and your FI need to make. Technically, RDs are limited to people in the wedding and their SO's. Some people choose to include OOT guests, but not everyone. We didn't, for example, and that meant that one of my cousins wasn't invited to the RD even though the rest of his family was (they had roles in the wedding and he didn't).

Since your FFIL is paying, he gets a say in the guest list. If there is a budget for OOT guests, then I think it's OK to add your brother. If not, you may not be able to.

DramaGeek

If you are having a rehearsal, you must have a rehearsal dinner.  If you are not having a rehearsal, you are well within your rights to say "thanks FFIL, but we're going to forgo the rehearsal dinner."  Your FFIL could then host a gathering for the guests of his choice, if he wanted to.

The only people who MUST be included in a rehearsal dinner are those involved in the rehearsal and their SOs.  In the case of children, including their parents is the way to go.  OOT guests are not required to be included, though many people do as it's a nice gesture.  Same for grandparents (assuming the grandparents are not required to be at the rehearsal).

RDs do not have to be fancy.  A lot of us here have done a pizza RD, or backyard bbq.  Hosting guests is what is important.  It's a way to thank them for being there.

Maggie0829

RD are primarily for people who are participating in the wedding plus their SOs.  So that means wedding party, ushers, readers, musicians (if family members), etc.  However, many people like to include other family members and OOT guests as well, but that is optional not required.

You first need to speak (or your FI needs to speak) to your FFIL and ask what his budget/max guest allowance is.  This will help to determine who you can and can't invite.

As far as our RD went, we invited only those involved in the wedding (with their SOs of course) and my H's sister and her husband.  She wasn't in the wedding but it is his only sister and it would have just been weird not including her.  No Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, OOT guests etc were included.

OliveOilsMom

PP have offered great advice so far.  Has your FFIL given you a budget to work with?  If he has told you to spend x amount of money, I think its fine to just find a place that works within his budget but yet has all of your desired attendees.  Also, to work within your budget, it is perfectly fine to host only tea, soda, and coffee.  You do not need to have an open bar RD.

Lastly, a RD shouldn't make you so stressed, so just take a deep breath and calm down.  Make a few calls to your favorite restaurants and ask if they have a banquet menu or if they have set menus for larger parties.  Also, ask your venue, sometimes venues will host the RD there as well, for a discount, if they also have a restaurant on the premesis.

Kate61487

ditto PPs - although I don't think your brothers should be grouped in with all other OOT guests.  RD in my circle have always been WP and immediate family; which means siblings and grandparents definitely make the cut.  Like Drama said you can have a much more relaxed affair that will save some money and allow you to include everyone you want.