Invite/Guest List Logistical Question

hardlyhannah

So I am struggling with a guest list conundrum, for whatever reason I really just can't wrap my head around it, and I appreciate your input.

My wedding is 10/5/13, and I am planning on sending my invites in early August. I just contracted with my invite designer/printer last night, and we set up a delivery date of the final invites by the end of June so that I have all of July to take my time hand addressing them. She needs to know the final quantity to order by the end of May.

I have my guest list pretty well set, but it is maxed out for what my venue can hold. I am not adding plus ones for the single people because we can't afford it and our venue can't fit it. However, a lot of our friends and siblings are single, and from the end of May to our wedding is a fairly long time for them to get into a relationship.

Is there any way to plan for friends who are currently single at the point of sending out/ordering invitations, but may be with someone at the time of the wedding? What is the appropriate way to accomodate that?

Maybe I am over thinking this, as it is all a hypothetical situation any way, but also a very real possibility.

libby18bell

If your friend is invited, why would it matter if they are single or dating at the time you send out the invitation.  Wouldn't the couple still get one invitation, so it would be your friend and their significant other on the invitation, or if you allow for a plus one it would be your friend and guest.  Also not sure if it's true but we are banking on it, that 25% of the guests that are invited decline to come.  On a side note, our plus one rule is anyone outside of college age gets a plus one, but a good chunk of the people I already know won't be bringing a plus one, since the guys would rather go single and hope to meet someone ha ha.

hardlyhannah

That's a good point - the SO would be on the same invitation so the number I order wouldn't change - wasn't thinking about that part.

But the bigger thing is that with my list maxed out and assuming that every single person will RSVP yes, we wouldn't be able to accommodate future SOs. Now I know it is unlikely that every single person will come but my lurking has taught me that it can happen.

Maggie0829

This is why I planned that every single guest that I invited to my ceremony would be invited with a guest (or SO depending on their relationship status).  This way you can plan your guest list accordingly.

Since you are already at the max number without any leeway for possible SOs in the future you may need to make some cuts or find a larger venue.

You should always assume 100% attendance no matter what.

Did you by any chance send STDs?

hardlyhannah

No, we are not planning on sending STDs.

There are 6 people on the list that I know with absolute certainty that they will not be there because there is another wedding that day for their family member that they are much closer to, but that's still not enough to cover everyone.

So the suggestion would be to eliminate people off of the current list to accommodate for people who may or may not exist by invite time?

Are guest lists everyones most stressful thing? This is hard!

libby18bell

Maggie did everyone you invited come to your wedding?  We already know like Hannah there are certain people who won't be coming, one due to age and where he lives, but he would be beyond offended if he didn't get an invitation.  From everything I read the general rule is that 25% will decline.  For instance as of right now our total guest count including the SO is 301, and we expect 226 will come, and our max capacity is 250.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviteguest-list-logistical-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0d7b8887-3221-420e-98b2-e27b713d93f2Post:d97b6fa6-1c79-4de9-acae-cad37cb42078">Re: Invite/Guest List Logistical Question</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>This is why I planned that every single guest that I invited to my ceremony would be invited with a guest (or SO depending on their relationship status).  This way you can plan your guest list accordingly.</strong> Since you are already at the max number without any leeway for possible SOs in the future you may need to make some cuts or find a larger venue. You should always assume 100% attendance no matter what. Did you by any chance send STDs?
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

<div>That's exactly what we did.  I think it's a bad idea to leave yourself no wiggle room and be maxed out like that. You can't go by any "x% will decline" rule of thumb. Always plan for 100% attendance. </div>

MrsMack10612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviteguest-list-logistical-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0d7b8887-3221-420e-98b2-e27b713d93f2Post:3e3f3664-8c4b-4a08-b0a6-6c0eabad3a4a">Re: Invite/Guest List Logistical Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Maggie did everyone you invited come to your wedding?  We already know like Hannah there are certain people who won't be coming, one due to age and where he lives, but he would be beyond offended if he didn't get an invitation.  From everything I read the general rule is that 25% will decline.  <strong>For instance as of right now our total guest count including the SO is 301, and we expect 226 will come, and our max capacity is 250</strong>.
Posted by libby18bell[/QUOTE]

You should never invite more than you're venue can hold.  What are you going to do if 275 RSVP yes?

Venues have capacities due to fire and building codes; does that 301 include you, your groom and all your vendors?  You could find yourself in trouble.

Edited for typos

hardlyhannah

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviteguest-list-logistical-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0d7b8887-3221-420e-98b2-e27b713d93f2Post:d39f4572-0ef9-40bb-949a-defeb0f39c7f">Re: Invite/Guest List Logistical Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite/Guest List Logistical Question : You should never invite more than you're venue can hold.  What are you going to do if 275 RSVP yes? Venues have capacities due to fire and building codes; does that 301 include you, your groom and <strong>all your vendors</strong>?  You could find yourself in trouble. Edited for typos
Posted by kjhowd[/QUOTE]

I didn't even think about this! Do vendors count on the guest list? I guess I was thinking just people who are sitting down at our dinner tables. (banquet seating 200 max, but its more for standing room/cocktail parties, etc)

MrsMack10612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviteguest-list-logistical-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0d7b8887-3221-420e-98b2-e27b713d93f2Post:ab632e7c-281e-4d8a-a76f-63836aad62b5">Re: Invite/Guest List Logistical Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite/Guest List Logistical Question : I didn't even think about this! Do vendors count on the guest list? I guess I was thinking just people who are sitting down at our dinner tables. (banquet seating 200 max, but its more for standing room/cocktail parties, etc)
Posted by hardlyhannah[/QUOTE]

Not at your normal guest tables, but yes you should have a "vendor" table or, the venue should provide a place for them to eat.  Our venue had 2 floors.  Our cocktail hour was on the lower and reception on the upper.  We could not seat more than our guests in the upper room.  Our caterer set up a separate table for our vendors in the lower.  This is where our musicians and photogs (tag team style) had their meals.  At a friend's wedding, they had a vendor table sort of set back in the reception space, but still among the guest tables.

Since they have to eat (and per their contracts and good hosting you should be feeding them), they have to have a place to do it.  Talk to your venue/caterer about their recommendation and check your contracts to see what your DJ/band/photogs require.

It has more to do with the actual capacity of the room.  It doesn't matter if they are sitting, standing or doing a duck walk - if a building/room has a max capacity of 250 people, you cannot put 251 in that room; those are based on firecodes designed for the safety of the guests.

aurianna

Don't overinvite.

We did. It was stressful. Whenever we got an RSVP yes that I had been sure would be a no, I freaked out. And when I got unexpected 'No's' rather than being disappointed that one of my invited guests couldn't come, I was happy.
It's just a horrible mindset to be in "I hope the people I invited to my wedding don't come."
Don't do it. You don't need that much stress that close to your wedding.

The fact that you aren't doing Save The Date is a boon here. Start doing mental cuts to your list, but you won't have to make the final ones until close to invite time.

hardlyhannah

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviteguest-list-logistical-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0d7b8887-3221-420e-98b2-e27b713d93f2Post:2cfd2d38-dc76-4f89-86d6-996fe1b2b928">Re: Invite/Guest List Logistical Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite/Guest List Logistical Question : Not at your normal guest tables, but yes you should have a "vendor" table or, the venue should provide a place for them to eat.  Talk to your venue/caterer about their recommendation and check your contracts to see what your DJ/band/photogs require. It has more to do with the actual capacity of the room.  It doesn't matter if they are sitting, standing or doing a duck walk - if a building/room has a max capacity of 250 people, you cannot put 251 in that room; those are based on firecodes designed for the safety of the guests.
Posted by kjhowd[/QUOTE]

Our venue has said that vendors typically eat in the kitchen onsite, but there isn't any seating in there. Is that inappropriate?

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviteguest-list-logistical-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0d7b8887-3221-420e-98b2-e27b713d93f2Post:3e3f3664-8c4b-4a08-b0a6-6c0eabad3a4a">Re: Invite/Guest List Logistical Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Maggie did everyone you invited come to your wedding?  We already know like Hannah there are certain people who won't be coming, one due to age and where he lives, but he would be beyond offended if he didn't get an invitation.  From everything I read the general rule is that 25% will decline.  For instance as of right now our total guest count including the SO is 301, and we expect 226 will come, and our max capacity is 250.
Posted by libby18bell[/QUOTE]

No not everyone came but out of the 135 we invited 130 attended.  If we went by the 10% or whatever percent it is nowadays rule we would have been up sh$t creek without a paddle.

Also, I hope you realize what a horrible idea it is to over invite from what your max allowance is at the wedding.  Like a PP said, what happens if 255 people RSVP yes?  Are you just going to tell 5 people that they can no longer come?

You cannot go by percentages because they do not hold true for everyone.

MrsMack10612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviteguest-list-logistical-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0d7b8887-3221-420e-98b2-e27b713d93f2Post:13a3ba36-7474-4c7b-b389-64f7c35d79f4">Re: Invite/Guest List Logistical Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite/Guest List Logistical Question : Our venue has said that vendors typically eat in the kitchen onsite, but there isn't any seating in there. Is that inappropriate?
Posted by hardlyhannah[/QUOTE]

I personally find it rude to not give them a place to sit, particularly if they are going to be on their feet all day/night playing music or taking photos.  They might want a chance to sit for 5 or 10 minutes (or longer).

I suppose that's up to your vendors and how they feel about it.

hardlyhannah

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviteguest-list-logistical-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0d7b8887-3221-420e-98b2-e27b713d93f2Post:77602ed4-382d-46b6-a5e8-1a5a9d324d49">Re: Invite/Guest List Logistical Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite/Guest List Logistical Question : I personally find it rude to not give them a place to sit, particularly if they are going to be on their feet all day/night playing music or taking photos.  They might want a chance to sit for 5 or 10 minutes (or longer). I suppose that's up to your vendors and how they feel about it.
Posted by kjhowd[/QUOTE]

Thanks! I will talk to them. It will really just be my DJ and Photog/assistant, and both have already told me that they don't even expect to be fed - which obviously I am feeding them, I just wasn't sure if where the venue recommended was ok.

MrsMack10612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviteguest-list-logistical-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0d7b8887-3221-420e-98b2-e27b713d93f2Post:b5ee2184-aaf4-472e-a6d1-f1fd6263460c">Re: Invite/Guest List Logistical Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Invite/Guest List Logistical Question : Thanks! I will talk to them. It will really just be my DJ and Photog/assistant, and both have already told me that they don't even expect to be fed - which obviously I am feeding them, I just wasn't sure if where the venue recommended was ok.
Posted by hardlyhannah[/QUOTE]

Since they aren't expecting to be fed, then I would def check with them to see what they prefer; it sounds like they'll pretty easy going since this will be an unexpected surprise.

Though I'm basing my advice on normal vendor relationships, I have to caveat our photogs and cocktail musicians were friends, so we did treat them differently than standard vendors; though all of our vendors were told several times to eat/drink and enjoy themselves as much as our guests.  We even told the police detail cop to enjoy himself, though I'm sure he didn't drink, I know he ate.

STARMOON44

You don't need more invitations if they are in relationships, so order based on who you'd like to invite now. If, 8 weeks before youre wedding when you are sending invites, they are in relationships, you will need to make cuts. Which can't include their SO's. If they get in relationships after the invites go out, then personally I don't think you need to include those new people, and it would be rude of them to ask.

hardlyhannah

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviteguest-list-logistical-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0d7b8887-3221-420e-98b2-e27b713d93f2Post:07548f21-3d9e-44d6-8b8b-02c07e9600ee">Re:Invite/Guest List Logistical Question</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't need more invitations if they are in relationships, so order based on who you'd like to invite now. If, 8 weeks before youre wedding when you are sending invites, they are in relationships, you will need to make cuts. Which can't include their SO's. If they get in relationships after the invites go out, then personally I don't think you need to include those new people, and it would be rude of them to ask.
Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]

This is a perfect summation - thank you!

MrsMack10612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviteguest-list-logistical-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0d7b8887-3221-420e-98b2-e27b713d93f2Post:07548f21-3d9e-44d6-8b8b-02c07e9600ee">Re:Invite/Guest List Logistical Question</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't need more invitations if they are in relationships, so order based on who you'd like to invite now. If, 8 weeks before youre wedding when you are sending invites, they are in relationships, you will need to make cuts. Which can't include their SO's. <strong>If they get in relationships after the invites go out, then personally I don't think you need to include those new people, and it would be rude of them to ask.
</strong>Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]

You don't need to no, but it would be the nice thing to do.  You can preemptively strike - if you find out post invitiation mailing that they have gotten into a relationship (without them asking, because that is rude), then let them know that you're sorry, because new relationship/post-mailing, you didn't account for their SO, but if someone declines they can bring them.

Did that make sense?  It makes sense in my head. :)

hardlyhannah

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviteguest-list-logistical-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0d7b8887-3221-420e-98b2-e27b713d93f2Post:b2e24af1-899f-40ef-934d-a12229465ea1">Re:Invite/Guest List Logistical Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Invite/Guest List Logistical Question : You don't need to no, but it would be the nice thing to do.  You can preemptively strike - if you find out post invitiation mailing that they have gotten into a relationship (without them asking, because that is rude), then let them know that you're sorry, because new relationship/post-mailing, you didn't account for their SO, but if someone declines they can bring them. Did that make sense?  It makes sense in my head. :)
Posted by kjhowd[/QUOTE]

Definitely makes sense! Just let the formerly single-when-invite-went-out person that if space becomes available their new SO is welcome to come.

MrsMack10612

Precisely.

FutureMrsMDJahnke

We had almost 80% attendance at our 3 days before Christmas wedding. Definitely don't bank on 75% attendance!!

libby18bell

So obviously we aren't at the venue's max capacity at all.  In fact we are setting up tables in a way that takes up more space than actually needed so if on the chance that all our invited guests do come then we'll have room, no worries on fire codes and what not.  Also none of our vendors, i.e., cake or the reception site need a final head count til two weeks before.  However when I told our cake person 250 guest, she assumed invited guest and thinks our count will go down dramatically.  The 250 guest count on our end was more on my planning, favors, place cards and what not.  By the way even with an 85% response rate that still puts us under 250, where I would love to be budget wise.  I've never heard of any party, think shower, birthday party, charity event etc. where you got 100% of the people invited, especially with large events.  

MrsMack10612

No that's not obvious.  You said in your previous post that your max capacity is 250.  There is a big difference with 250 being the max capacity you can afford or prefer to host and the max capacity of the facility.

Just because you've never heard of it doesn't mean it can't happen.

Overinviting is a bad idea in general.