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How to deal when those not invited ask about the wedding

So...

On several occasions in the past week folks have asked me details about the wedding. Folks who are not invited. A couple of acquaintances from volunteer work I do and then my boss and co-worker. I answered their questions honestly (e.g. oh, my wedding is this date; oh, planning is going well) but feel so awkward. Are they expecting an invite? How do you respond to this?

Re: How to deal when those not invited ask about the wedding

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    I have had the same happen. I don't think people are necessarly asking because they want to come, I think its just a big time in your life and most people love to hear about it. I decided long ago in my planning that if someone i didn't plan on inviting wanted to come I would just explain that I am having a smallfamilyandclosefriends wedding. It took away the pressure of pleasing everyone and anticipating peoples feelings.
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    Are they asking specific details or just "How's the planning going?"
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    It depends... my boss asked me "when is your wedding again? And where are you having it?" and my friend was more on the "how's planning going." My boss obviously will need to know when since I'll be taking time off, but the "where" threw me.... I just started this job 3 months ago... after I made my guest list...
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    People ask because they love all aspects of weddings. Also, people ask to be polite. They know this is paramount in your life so it's a good topic for conversation. I find their eyes glaze over after their polite inquiry so you know then that it's time to change the topic.
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    I'm in a similar boat. I just started my job a couple of months ago, and there are other people engaged in the small office so people talk about wedding planning all the time, and then look at me like, "And what are youuuu doing?" It also seems like it's commonplace in this office to invite EVERYONE, which I'm not doing, so I feel weird. But oh well. 
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    I just left it as vague as possible. Instead of giving a specific date/place, I just said "Oh the first week of April in Northville." Then I think people usually got the hint that they are not invited. However, I didn't talk about the wedding with those people at all - unless they asked me first.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    edited March 2013
    Yeah, it doesn't sound like they are pushing for an invitation. I agree with PPs. Some people just like to know about weddings. It's a fun topic for some people. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Maybe your boss is asking you where as a roundabout way of figuring out if you will need extra days off for a destination wedding? My BFFs boss asked a bunch of questions and it turned out she was just trying to see when she would need a fill in employee.
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    s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
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    edited March 2013
    I'm actually on the opposite side of the coin, I'm NEY and I have a coworker at a store that I still work at part time (we both have worked together PT here for about 6-7 years) and I'm very excited for her and want to know ALLLL about it, but I'm afraid to ask because I've seen these boards and i don't want her to feel like I'm pushing for an invite! I love her and am happy, but we dont' talke at all outside of work except for the occasional FB comment. I try and keep my questions to a minimum because many of the other people we work with (tw ages of like 16 & 22) are all asking if they're invited and I don't want her to get annoyed and overwhelmed.

    I think if you preface overarching inquiries with a comment that indicates a smaller/limited wedding they will get the hint.(where? oh venue x! we're having a small wedding and they/ ballroom x/ their garden is great for our intimate guest list) Keeping details vague as PP's mentioned.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-deal-when-those-not-invited-ask-about-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0da37b00-1292-46dd-8947-89c4d4d9c0d3Post:72b666b0-ed9c-4412-8fa7-9f63a9f5739e">Re: How to deal when those not invited ask about the wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, it doesn't sound like they are pushing for an invitation. I agree with PPs. Some people just like to know about weddings. It's a fun topic for some people. 
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    <div>As someone who does have people that are pushing for invites, what should you say when you get that vibe or when someone asks, the other person (who is invited) answers, and then the uninvited says "I'll have to mark my calendar". </div><div>I usually  just change the subject,as opposed to telling the Pushy one she's not on the guest list, but if there is a more tactful way, please share... </div><div>
    </div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-to-deal-when-those-not-invited-ask-about-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0da37b00-1292-46dd-8947-89c4d4d9c0d3Post:41d7379e-d2d3-46bd-ac91-826e6f75eecd">Re: How to deal when those not invited ask about the wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to deal when those not invited ask about the wedding : I had that. "Cindy, thanks for asking.  FI and I struggled with our guest list and staying within our budget.  We wish we had the budget to let you join us.  Unfortunately, we can't accomodate all of our friends."
    Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Thanks!  I'll be sure to use that when it's a little closer to the invites going out...  

    </div>
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    FI and I own a small business, so customers get super excited when they see we are engaged, so people are constantly asking details. It was akward at first because I didn't want to be rude, or make peopel think they would be invited if I talked about it.  It was nice when there were no plans so it was easy to change the subject, but now that it is close there is no way around it--and we will eventually have to close the shop for the wedding!  Anyway, I just limit details-- the date, the town, yes I found my dress, etc.  But nothing major like "yes it at this address at this time--can't wait to see you!"  And if they get too personal I'm sure to throw in vaguely that its a small wedding with family and close friends.  Just be nice, and change the subject when you can.  If they don't hang out with you outside work, I would hope they wouldn't automatically expect an invite. 
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