Wedding Etiquette Forum

Adding B-list guest when invites haven't been sent yet?

I know that B-listing is majorly frowned on, but is it considered a Blist when invites haven't been sent?

We orginally had to cut a bunch of people because we have 200 immediate family members add in the 8 w/SOs FI works with (very small company) and we had 250 invited to the wedding. We are paying for a mininium of 200 guests no matter what (that is the agreement on our room). We cut a bunch of parents friends, family friends, and some of our distant friends from college from our list.  We figured invite 250 minus the % of typical no shows and we're around 200. Well just last night another one of my cousins emailed to tell me that they won't be able to come.

So do we risk it and invite our previlously "b-list" friends? I'm worried that these soft 'no' might change their mind and we end up with 300 people there (the room can hold 350 but my budget can't)

Re: Adding B-list guest when invites haven't been sent yet?

  • always plan on 100% attendance.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adding-b-list-guest-invites-havent-sent-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0db55ebf-60c7-4876-be27-912e299ebec3Post:0cb71852-d677-4735-9fcf-a97764ccc41a">Adding B-list guest when invites haven't been sent yet?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We figured invite 250 minus the % of typical no shows and we're around 200.
    Posted by Themis278[/QUOTE]

    Even that is risky.  There is no typical % of no shows. 

    Besides, your cousin who said they can't come still  needs to get an invitation and the possibility is there that they may change their mind or their plans may change and they end up RSVPing yes after all.
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  • You can't really count on a % that "probably won't show" - plan for everyone to say yes.  The people who have said no before you even send invitations out might end up coming after all.  If you add extra people now, you may end up with a lot more attending than you expected. 
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  • Ditto PPs. You should plan under the presumption that everyone will attend. People will surprise you. Several guests that we truly thought wouldn't make the trip from several thousand miles away ended up attending our wedding.
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  • I know everyone is going to say "plan on 100%" but in all reality, if OOT guests are saying "no" it's a pretty good sign that they won't come.

    From the general feeling we got from our friends, we expected about 180 out of the 340 invited to come, and only ended up with about 145 (less than 50%!)


    Since you are under-capacity, it really depends on your budget.  If you invite 300 people, and all 300 show up, would it put you "over what you wanted to spend" or would it put you "having to go in debt because of the wedding"?  I would say invite the very max you can without completely breaking the bank, and then be prepared for some no's (which will set you back to a comfortable amount - hopefully).



    ***
    I hope that all made sense - I'm trying not to drink coffee (so I can have whtie teeth on Sat :-p) and my brain is completely scrabled right now....
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adding-b-list-guest-invites-havent-sent-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0db55ebf-60c7-4876-be27-912e299ebec3Post:575f9682-16b4-45d2-af92-40c2286d7cca">Re: Adding B-list guest when invites haven't been sent yet?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto PPs. You should plan under the presumption that everyone will attend. People will surprise you. Several guests that we truly thought wouldn't make the trip from several thousand miles away ended up attending our wedding.
    Posted by twilight.rose[/QUOTE]

    This. I am also assuming ppl aren't coming,but these are ppl who do not have  passports, much less visas, to enter the US from countries where getting visas is hard. Not a soft no-- more like an impossibility. I'm still sending them invites, but I"m comfortable inviting more friends, bc, well...it's not like they can just change their minds. They can't come. That said, we've had several o ther family members who are surprising us, going for visas, etc. If we'd just crossed them off, we'd have been surprised and overwhelmed with people. And over-capacity.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adding-b-list-guest-invites-havent-sent-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0db55ebf-60c7-4876-be27-912e299ebec3Post:0244939f-f3af-4d9e-98fd-de387e44b401">Re: Adding B-list guest when invites haven't been sent yet?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Adding B-list guest when invites haven't been sent yet? : Even that is risky.  There is no typical % of no shows.  Besides, your cousin who said they can't come still  needs to get an invitation and the possibility is there that they may change their mind or their plans may change and they end up RSVPing yes after all.
    Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

    Completey agree on the tyical % but we have 10-20 cousins and friends that have been invited to stuff over the past year and they never come. I don't think our wedding will be any different, thats more of where that statement comes from
  • BTW - I know it's a HUGE no-no, but we WAY over-invited, my church won't hold more than 200 - but I was confident on a lot of people (like my 94-year-old-great grandmother who lives in MI) not being able to come.
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  • You'd be surprised by how many people who "definitely won't come" actually do!  Just be cautious.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adding-b-list-guest-invites-havent-sent-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0db55ebf-60c7-4876-be27-912e299ebec3Post:c76754a4-de85-420c-87c2-c1a6054749b6">Re: Adding B-list guest when invites haven't been sent yet?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know everyone is going to say "plan on 100%" but in all reality, if OOT guests are saying "no" it's a pretty good sign that they won't come. From the general feeling we got from our friends, we expected about 180 out of the 340 invited to come, and only ended up with about 145 (less than 50%!) Since you are under-capacity, it really depends on your budget.  If you invite 300 people, and all 300 show up, would it put you "over what you wanted to spend" or would it put you "having to go in debt because of the wedding"?  I would say invite the very max you can without completely breaking the bank, and then be prepared for some no's (which will set you back to a comfortable amount - hopefully). *** I hope that all made sense - I'm trying not to drink coffee (so I can have whtie teeth on Sat :-p) and my brain is completely scrabled right now....
    Posted by rbtrumpet[/QUOTE]


    This is more of that I think is happening. We are still sending the invites I'm not crossing them off the list but we have family all over country and some will small children so when they are talking about flying home for the shower this weekend because they can't for the wedding or they are students in college - well those things just aren't going to change. I have friends that all 100% show up, realitiy is I know for a fact (plane tickets are bought) that a bunch of my friends husbands aren't coming because they are making it a girl weekend to save on cost and hotel rooms.

    PS how are you handling less then 50% coming to your wedding - was that expected (a ton of OTT guests or something) cause I was pretty shocked by my uncle and cousin telling me they couldn't make it. I mean I get it traveling is never easy but I guess I was shocked to hear my uncle wasn't planning on making it ....
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adding-b-list-guest-invites-havent-sent-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0db55ebf-60c7-4876-be27-912e299ebec3Post:0cb71852-d677-4735-9fcf-a97764ccc41a">Adding B-list guest when invites haven't been sent yet?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know that B-listing is majorly frowned on, but is it considered a Blist when invites haven't been sent? We orginally had to cut a bunch of people because we have <strong>200 immediate family members</strong>
    Posted by Themis278[/QUOTE]


    Wow that's a lot of siblings!
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