The uninvited

beeruiz

I have  a very big extended family that lives in the neighboring state.   I know very few of them and the ones I do know I don't know well.  We are having a small wedding with close family menbers and a few friends only.  I found out that many of these extended family members may be planning to come to my wedding even though none of them were invited.  My venue is small, even if I wanted these people there (which I don't)  there is no room for them.  How do I prevent these people from coming?!?  I don't have any contact info for them.

Jodipi314

Dude, all these postings just pretty much wrote my ceremony for me.  Thanks guys!

beeruiz

Thanks for all the advise.  To follow up:  Most of these family members I have never met.  The ones I have met I have maybe spent a weeks time with throughout my entire life.  In the past ten years I have seen them briefly at family functions.  This family is huge!  My father is one of 11 and all my aunts and uncles have kids and they have kids too.  My venue can only accomadat 60-70 guests. There would simply be no room for these people. 

So my decision is, first I will tell my dad, over and over again, no more people.  If that doesn't work, I will send my mom in.  She and my dad are not on speaking terms so if she calls him he wil know I am serious.  If that doesn't work, I will get every family members number and call the directly.  I really doubt they will make the costly trip up here to our wedding if they are personaly uninvited. I know it may be a bit rude to call and tell someone they are not welcome, but I would say it is no more rude than inviting your self in the first place.

drhyde

I'm in a different situation, but somewhat related.  I too am not close with my dad or his family.  My expected guest list won't be as small as your's but we're capping it at 150.  The only family member on my dad's side that I have been in any "contact" with is one of my aunt's and that's only because she comments on and likes all my Facebook statuses!  Otherwise I haven't seen or spoken to any of them in a couple of years.

My dad does not care if I invite his family or not.  However, my mum (note: my parents are divorced) is insisting that I invite them.  My dad is one of seven children and each one of his siblings had 3+ kids, most of whom also have children.  None of them would even know that I was getting married if it wasn't for Facebook since my dad isn't in contact with them either.

Does etiquette dictate over a rather uncomfortable and expensive experience?

wadingmoose

The internet is your friend, sweetheart.  You might want to get on finding contact information for someone like a grandmother or an aunt to let them know that there's been a mistake.

brookelynpaisley

You can't call them up and uninvite them. That's horribly rude. You need to get on the same page with your dad and tell him that your guest list is set and final and you won't be accomodating these people. It sounds like he's got visions of a big wedding and even though you haven't seen these people, they're his family and it's a pride thing for him to invite them. Just say it over and over, but don't call people up and say "you can't come." You'll get that across when you don't send an invitation.

wadingmoose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e37fe48-d1f6-4501-851c-4b9b10f90f6ePost:32c64dab-de50-4a1a-9e95-9117e0301ccd">Re: The uninvited</a>:
[QUOTE]You can't call them up and uninvite them. That's horribly rude. You need to get on the same page with your dad and tell him that your guest list is set and final and you won't be accomodating these people. It sounds like he's got visions of a big wedding and even though you haven't seen these people, they're his family and it's a pride thing for him to invite them. Just say it over and over, but don't call people up and say "you can't come." You'll get that across when you don't send an invitation.
Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]

Invitations have been sent and Dad took it upon himself to apparently invite these people.

She did not invite them so she isn't uninviting them.  She is letting them know that there's been a mistake.

wadingmoose

Also, OP, why did you send your invitations 4 months ahead of time?