Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
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Encorporating a child into the ceremony

When we get married we won't just be joining together, we'll be joining a family. I have a 4 year old daughter and she'll get a stepfather that day and we'll become a family.

I really want to make that part of the ceremony somehow. The joining of a family. I was just wondering if anyone's done this and how they went about it?

Thanks!
Chelsea; 7/22/2005 Carissa; 4/9/2011 Cassidy; 9/6/2012
Angel Baby grew wings on 7/15/2011 at 7w. <3<br>

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Re: Encorporating a child into the ceremony

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    There are lots of people who've done this, and some of those are on the Second Weddings board.  Some people do vows between the adults and kids, some do medallion ceremonies during which they give the kids a necklace with a "family crest" on it.   However, my feeling is that the marriage is between the two consenting adults.   A quick blessing of everyone at the reception is fine, but anything more, especially the vows, is just plain creepy.   And I've heard other brides in blended families say that one ceremony does not a family make.

    Also, how many things from the age of 4 do you remember?  I have exactly 2 memories from that age, and one of those is the day President Kennedy was assasinated, the other was when we had a sitter for a couple of days because my mom was in the hospital having my younger sister.  I do not remember my sister coming home, or any of that, just the sitter.  So, it might not be a worthwhile thing to do.  You'll have pictures of the three of you, I'm sure, and then hopefully lots of shots of just the two of you, and then with other guests and members of the wedding party.  Those will be the things she can look back on.
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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    Let me begin by saying that I know you love your daughter.  I know that she's incredibly important to you, and that you love her more than your own life.  So does everyone who has a child. 

    Now having said that, I move on to:  ditto other posters.   Make her your FG if you must, but the ceremony is between you and your FI.  Your DD didn't have a say in her new stepdad, and she's not old enough to understand or participate in "vows".

    I teach 4 year olds. As important as this day is to you, and to her life, she won't remember the details of it, except that you'll have photos as a "prompt".

    I also agree with aerin that if her dad is still part of your life, you're really insulting him by asking her to make a vow to a new daddy.

    Have her be your FG, and take lots of pictures of her and of the three of you, but that's about as far as I think you should go on "including" her.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    ditto aerin to the max. 

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    Flower girl would be perfect.

    I had a cousin that had a little girl when she got married.  She had a unity candle as part of the ceremony.  At the beginning, the MOG and MOB lit the two sides.  When the MOB lit her side, she took the little girl up and they lit their side together.  It was cute.
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    I have to mention that I was never married to her father. I was 16 years old when I had her and I was with my FI before her father. She's always known it as Mommy and Curt. It was never Mommy and Daddy because we were never together. So it's not exactly the same situation. I have all respect for the father of my daughter, he's a good dad, but there's no hard feelings. We were young and made a choice but we were never anything more. And my FI is a good man for always being there.

    I agree though. I'm not trying to go over the top and make it a family ceremony. The whole thing tied to us becoming a family. Not at all. I just wanted to do something small to include her. She will be my flower girl but I was just thinking something else. I don't know. Maybe helping light the candle or something. I wasn't trying to be too extreme.

    But I agree with you guys mostly. Should I just leave it as her being my flower girl or could I have her do something small like light the candle with us or something?
    Chelsea; 7/22/2005 Carissa; 4/9/2011 Cassidy; 9/6/2012
    Angel Baby grew wings on 7/15/2011 at 7w. <3<br>

    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

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    sand ceremony...she might like pouring the sand
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    i think being a fg & helping you light the candle or pour sand is a good idea. our daughter will be our flower girl when we get married & we'll prolly do a candle or sand ceremony with her.
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