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Need advice about future mother-in-law!!

My fiance and I are friends with all kinds of people, including a lesbian couple who we have asked to run our guest book table (which will consist of them taking pictures of our guests and having them write us a note). My fiance's mom just found out they were lesbians and is super pissed and won't talk to either of us, claiming it is embarassing to her and her husband as they are representing our wedding (obviously the parents are ULTRA conservative). There's no way I'm un-asking our friends to help us on our day, but how can we deal with such narrow-minded thinking? Especially when it is coming from parents? We just don't know what to do other than defend our friends and our ability to be friends with whomever we want. That tactic doesn't seem to be going well, unfortunately....
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Re: Need advice about future mother-in-law!!

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    Wow.  Tell them they are being narrow minded.  I think your friends should wear bikinis and makeout in front of the guests just to rub it in.  If I were a lesbian that's what I would do.
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    Tell your future ILs to piss off.
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    Explain that these people are good friends to the two of you and you asked them to be a part of your day because they're special to you. End of story, no real further discussion needed. You can't change your ILs opinions. Stand your ground, they'll get over it. No one "represents" your wedding but you and your husband. Your ILs are the ones who will miss out if they're going to choose to be upset over it.

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    We just don't know what to do other than defend our friends and our ability to be friends with whomever we want.

    Well, this is a step in the right direction.  I don't know if you can do much more than that.  It's not likely that in the short time before your wedding she'll come to accept your friends, but she needs to show tolerance and respect them on your wedding day.  Most likely she's not going to make an asss of herself on the day of.  Good luck with this.
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    Thanks girls! I guess we are doing all we can and hopefully it will just blow over. They have honestly been my only source of stress during the entire time we've been planning (15 months). Thank god it's only 2.5 months away. I'm not sure how much more of their sh*t I can take.
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    If I were your FI too, I'd be defending but also say, "Mom and Dad, I understand that this is how you feel, but I don't recall ever asking you how you felt.  Please keep your opinions to yourself unless I request them."
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    They are your friends. Ignore the rest
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    FMIL is FI's mom.  He needs to deal with his family.  He can clearly say, "Look Mom and Dad, Mr. and Mrs. BridesDad are hosting the wedding, and, as the hosts of the event, they can have lesbians at the table and the waitstaff dressed as clowns.  It's really their call.  Now, the groom's family hosts the RD.  Let's work together to make some plans for the RD, so that the RD is a real representation of who WE are."

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    Kristin, the way you phrased your response, it sounds as if the groom is should sound like he's against his gay and lesbian friends.
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    ohwhynotohwhynot member
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    edited February 2010
    Yeah, that was . . . odd, Kristin.  It sounds very defensive, like "What can you do?  They want to invite those people, but they're paying, so oh well - we just have to bear it as best we can. Heavy sigh."

    Further, it appears that it's your schtick to assume that everyone's wedding is hosted by the bride's parents, but . . . why? 
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    Oye vey.  What a nightmare.  Just tell tham that these people are some of your closest and dearest friends and it is essential to you they play a role in your special day.  Let them know that you simply are not going to see eye to eye on this as your core views are so opposed to their own and that while they are entitieled to their views (however atrocious they may be) your wedding day is not the time to express them.  It is a time to celebrate and make all the people who are special to you feel welcome. 



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