Two receptions?

jilljared05

I have a large family and church family. Would it be okay to invite everyone to the ceremony and have cake and punch immediately afterwards? Then have a small private reception after that with just a few of our closest family and friends? I can't afford to feed all of the people in my church and family. But I don't want to hurt anyones feelings. Help! Ideas!

laurenclaire1386

You can't afford to invite everyone to one reception, so your solution is to have 2 receptions? That doesn't seem very cost effective. Don't do it. Invite the number of people you can afford to invite to one reception, be it cake and punch or full blown dinner. 

[Deleted User]

Nope.

adamar15

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_two-receptions-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0f74a048-7f21-4c2a-8f32-98073b1aa086Post:45111375-4e94-45f6-94e0-abe7716b05bc">Re: Two receptions?</a>:
[QUOTE]You can't afford to invite everyone to one reception, so your solution is to have 2 receptions? That doesn't seem very cost effective. Don't do it. Invite the number of people you can afford to invite to one reception, be it cake and punch or full blown dinner. 
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

Yup.  What happens when someone invited to the real reception says something to someone that's not?  "Hey Sally, do you have directions to the reception?"  But Sally isn't invited to the real reception, and now her feelings are hurt.

strlzfan11

Ditto everyone else, but in many churches it is common practice to issue an open invitation (via the bulletin) to the ceremony if you're getting married in the church,

ETA:  Doing this can get you out of having to invite everyone to a reception.

Habs2Hart

The way you do this with a church is to invite those you can afford to feed to the entire wedding.  Then you put a notice in the bulletin saying that the ceremony of so and so will take place in the sanctuary at such and such a time.  Those that weren't invited and want to see you get married will show up at the ceremony. 

SB1512

Agree with PP's about making your ceremony info public knowledge to church members but not issuing invites to the reception, it's perfectly fine..  I had a friend in college whose wedding I was not invited to due to a large family guest list.  Another friend and I really wanted to see her get married so we went to her ceremony fully aware we were not going any reception after.  I will say though that members of the church who were not going to the reception organized a potluck type gathering after the ceremony, that took place in a reception type room the church had.  The bride and groom  stopped by to say hello after pictures were done and before they headed to their venue for the reception.  I'm guessing since the informal gathering was organized by church members and not the bride and groom it was OK?

AroundTheBlock

What you are proposing has been completely acceptable for generations: you are simply using the wrong words. You will have one wedding, followed by one cake-and-punch reception. At that point you have fulfilled all your wedding-related obligations.

You are not, however, banned from ever doing anything ever again with your friends and family. When dinner time rolls around, you will be hungry. Presumably you will eat dinner. If you eat dinner with your parents and in-laws, that's your business. Since it is the first meal you will sit down to as husband and wife, it is inherently going to have a special component -- traditionally it was referred to as the "Wedding Breakfast" on the fond notion that you would be fasting religiously until after the "sacrament" of marriage was performed. The important words in your proposal are "small" and "private". Parents, in-laws, siblings -- people who are not handicapped by an overwhelming sense of entitlement will not feel snubbed by the idea that you are eating dinner with your family. Even including a couple of close family friends is arguably still familial. But adding more than a dozen or so people starts to go beyond the "small" and "private" scale and may well evoke a sense of indignance from those who feel entitled to more entertainment than you have already provided.