Wedding Etiquette Forum

Is the separated husband or the boyfriend the SO?

This may not even end up being an isssue, but just in case I am curious...

FI has a close female friend. She is married but separated but does not want to get divorced and has been on and off dating another guy (FI has advised her against this but it is what it is). FI has said he doesn't want to send her in invitation for various reasons (her husband doesn't like him, her family won't want her to go, she will have trouble finding a babysitter, blah blah blah) I think it is a possibility that he may change his mind and decide to invite her (he already did this with some family members).  My question is, if he does change his mind, who would be her SO? I've never met her but from what FI tells me it sounds like she goes back and forth between the boyfriend and husband. Would I simply give her a plus 1 since I know she would have a SO, I just don't know which one it would be, or address it to her and her husband and if she requests to bring the boyfriend instead we can just tell her it is okay?

I know this may not even be an issut but I want to make sure I am prepared in case he drops it on me at the last minute that he wants to invite her. Thanks in advance for any advice!
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Re: Is the separated husband or the boyfriend the SO?

  • Eh.  I would think it's whoever she considers herself in a relationship with, so from what you've said, it would be the boyfriend.

    However, if you do invite her, just ask her.  
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  • If she's a close friend, just have Fl ask her which man she'd like to be invited to the wedding with her. 
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  • Ditto froggie - when it's time to send invitations out, just ask her for her would-be date's name.  She'll either give you the husband's name or the b/f's name (or some other dude's name, whatever) and you can proceed accordingly.
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  • I try to stay away from "and Guest", but I would go with it in this situation, as it sounds like she may change her mind on who her SO is between receiving the invitation and the wedding.
  • If you do invite her I would address the envelope with  "and flavor of the week"






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-the-separated-husband-or-the-boyfriend-the-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0fc31b5a-1bd6-4491-a4d1-31928981ae38Post:94fb2fe1-a217-4c98-9878-665af4ed06be">Re: Is the separated husband or the boyfriend the SO?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would leave it up to her.<strong> I do find it odd that they are separated, she doens't want it to end in divorce, but she has a boyfriend.</strong>
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

    I know a women who refused to divorce her husband so she could stay on his health insurance policy.  To top if off, she didn't even have any type of illness that would warrant doing something like that.  She too had a boyfriend.  Very strange...
  • zigspectivezigspective member
    First Comment
    edited April 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-the-separated-husband-or-the-boyfriend-the-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0fc31b5a-1bd6-4491-a4d1-31928981ae38Post:d3a4157c-a762-43b2-8f73-3488847f7a40">Re: Is the separated husband or the boyfriend the SO?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you do invite her I would address the envelope with  "and flavor of the week"
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    <div>LOL</div><div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-the-separated-husband-or-the-boyfriend-the-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0fc31b5a-1bd6-4491-a4d1-31928981ae38Post:94fb2fe1-a217-4c98-9878-665af4ed06be">Re: Is the separated husband or the boyfriend the SO?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would leave it up to her. I do find it odd that they are separated, she doens't want it to end in divorce, but she has a boyfriend.
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]
    <div>
    </div><div>FIs step dad was separated from his first wife but still married. They just never bothered getting divorced. They even lived together. He slept on the couch for like 6 years. The only reason he got divorced at all was to marry FMIL. If they had decided not to marry he would have stayed married to his first wife. I found that a little strange, but whatever works I guess. </div>
  • Thanks for the advice, if he decides to invite her I will have him ask her who she would like to bring. 

    I think it is a strange situation too, FI has mentioned her not wanting to deal with all the paperwork of a divorce
    Wedding Countdown Ticker 95image Invited 66image Ready to party 21image Declined
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