Wedding Etiquette Forum

Re: *

  • You should have the same hosted options all night. Period. You shouldn't ask your guests to pay for a drink that they got for free 2 hours ago. You shouldn't ask your guests to pay for a drink at all. Either drop the liquor altogether or host it all night.
  • In Response to Re:Open Bar Questions:[QUOTE]You should have the same hosted options all night. Period. You shouldn't ask your guests to pay for a drink that they got for free 2 hours ago. You shouldn't ask your guests to pay for a drink at all. Either drop the liquor altogether or host it all night. Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]

    Ditto. I hate the bait and switch. DH had to ask his dad for cash at his cousin's wedding so I could have a third glass of wine.

    How about making sure your bartenders cut off the drunks instead of punishing those who know their limits?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0fd18e8f-8ade-4c60-9030-3b8254f1fa24Post:39f22c8d-9ca9-46cd-a31f-4a9cdffe6df6">Open Bar Questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have a question about open bar.  We are definitely doing open bar for the first two hours of our reception.  We have a very roudy crowd and experience tells us to not pay for the open bar all night, it would get out of hand.  My question is this...if we do an open bar that includes beer and wine, should we still buy wine for the dinner or will people know to go get their drink of choice before dinner begins? We'll be paying $28/person for the 2 hours of open liquor, beer, and wine and so we are trying to minimize our alcohol budget as much as possible and that's why I'm not sure if we still need to do wine at $24/bottle. I don't want to be a rude host and we'll obviously make it work out in our budget if it's the right thing to do. Thanks!
    Posted by hockeywithadiamond[/QUOTE]

    Whatever you decide to host at the start of your reception needs to be hosted throughout. If that is just beer and wine, that's fine.

    Your guests should not have to pay for anything at any point, but that is especially so if they just got it for free earlier in your event.

    If you want to close the bar during dinner, that is fairly common though many people still don't care for that option. (We had wine and water available at the tables and soda available at the bar for the hour that dinner was "officially" held - open bar lasted for an hour before and four hours after).
  • Would your venue give you a discount on your bar package if you limit the options to beer and wine only, and skip the liquor?  That is an option if you are concerned with people getting too out of hand.  I know that a determined person can get out of hand on beer and wine too, but it seems to happen quicker with liquor.

    If beer/wine only is not a route you can or want to take, Bear is spot on.  It is rude for your guests to open their wallet at any time during your reception.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Ditto Banana and Beardown. You could also just do wine/beer the whole night to prevent people from getting far too rowdy on shots or very strong mixed drinks. That would be acceptable and would also help cut costs.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0fd18e8f-8ade-4c60-9030-3b8254f1fa24Post:61f06422-cc94-4b0e-bd0b-46d8a905bf96">Re: Open Bar Questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]You should have the same hosted options all night. Period. You shouldn't ask your guests to pay for a drink that they got for free 2 hours ago. You shouldn't ask your guests to pay for a drink at all. Either drop the liquor altogether or host it all night.
    Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]

    Although I think it is acceptable to have an open bar for a few hours and then just CLOSE it altogether - as in, no drinks available at all.

    OP, no, most people will have no idea that they are expected to 'get their drink of choice' before dinner and take it with them to the table. Even if they did, can you imagine the logistical nightmare of having the entire guest list clamoring around the bar to get a drink before going to be seated?

    Suck it up and pay for wine through dinner, then close the bar at some point afterwards. Not a cash bar, just CLOSE it, and have only coffee/tea/etc available. Many venues will insist on closing the bar 30 mins to 1 hour before the end of the reception anyway.
  • If you're closing the bar for dinner, I'd buy the wine for the tables. If not, no need. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0fd18e8f-8ade-4c60-9030-3b8254f1fa24Post:124fc77e-7b3f-4042-92a2-08277b2997ba">Re: Open Bar Questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]Out of curiosity, why is it rude to make people pay for drinks?  Every wedding I have ever been to has been a cash bar and no one seemed to have a problem with it.  I'm fine with doing open bar because we are fortunate to not really have a set budget but it's still just causing inner termoil since I don't believe in indulging peoples alochol desires.   The question still remains though as no one cared to adress that part, if we host beer and wine at the bar do we still need to buy wine for the dinner at $24/bottle?  Is it ok to expect people to go to the bar and get thier desired drink on their own or do I need to have the servers serve wine as well.
    Posted by hockeywithadiamond[/QUOTE]

    The definition of hosted is that you are providing the hospitality. Asking your guests to pay for the party means it isn't hospitality. Would you have guests pay for their dinner at your reception? How about a per person charge at the front door?

    If you don't want to 'indulge people's alcohol desires' (that didn't sound judgmental at all, btw), then have a dry wedding. Dry weddings are perfectly acceptable. But you don't get to appear as though you are providing something, but actually require your guests to pay for it.

    I thought I had addressed your question above, as I was under the impression your bar would be closed during dinner. But if your bar will remain open during dinner, I don't see a huge issue with not having wine served directly at the table - people can walk up to the bar during dinner to get a glass of wine. It's slightly less convenient, but meh. But if you close the bar during dinner, it would be very weird not to have wine served at the table.
  • When you invite people over for dinner at your house, do you tell them "We have soda and tea, but you have to fork over $5.50 per glass if you want some wine"? Or for your wedding, are you allowing those who can afford it to upgrade to lobster for dinner? While cash bars are not taboo in many circles, it does not make them any less rude, the reception is a thanks to your guests and as such, they shouldn't be expected to open their wallets for anything.
  • If anyone knows that the bar will be open for only 2 hours, my guess is that most people will be double (triple and in some cases quadruple) fisted, which just means people will be getting out of control and rowdy even faster...not a good idea.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0fd18e8f-8ade-4c60-9030-3b8254f1fa24Post:f6ad3f0c-8ac7-424e-a1e2-dd2e759556fa">Re: Open Bar Questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sounds good.  The reason we're having issues with unlimited alcohol is we have a <strong>few members of our families who are recently sober</strong>.  My side of the family does not drink.  Our venue is charging us per person regardless of age/drinking status so it's adding up quickly.  We know our crowd and this will be the first wedding in our families and group of friends where any part of the bar is hosted. One idea my FI had was drink coupons, each person gets 2 drinks if they wish, and beyond that it's soda and water, but I have mixed feelings about this as well.  I'm thinking ultimately the advice to have just beer and wine hosted all night is the best idea and leaving it open during dinner. Thanks everyone for the etiquette advice :)
    Posted by hockeywithadiamond[/QUOTE]

    I appreciate that you're being sensitive to the people in your family.  I understand the predicament you're in, and this is definitely not an easy decision.  Good luck!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0fd18e8f-8ade-4c60-9030-3b8254f1fa24Post:411e0a58-95ec-4f03-ad18-e1f0b3b94f97">Re: Open Bar Questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open Bar Questions : I appreciate that you're being sensitive to the people in your family.  I understand the predicament you're in, and this is definitely not an easy decision.  Good luck!
    Posted by nda8414[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Thank you.  There's nothing fun about this situation.  If we go with a dry wedding, some guests will be really annoyed.  If we go with a full hosted bar, I fear our newly sober family members will decline to come because of the temptations present.  I don't know wha tthe right answer is, but according to this board no matter what I do, I'll be violating some ettiquet rule out there.</div>
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  • Alcoholics face temptation every single day, and if you were to answer to this, the option would be a dry wedding, not a cash bar. The temptation is still there for them, they're just buying it. Host your guests properly.
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  • In Response to Re:Open Bar Questions:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open Bar Questions:In Response to Re: Open Bar Questions : I appreciate that you're being sensitive to the people in your family.nbsp; I understand the predicament you're in, and this is definitely not an easy decision.nbsp; Good luck!Posted by nda8414Thank you. nbsp;There's nothing fun about this situation. nbsp;If we go with a dry wedding, some guests will be really annoyed. nbsp;If we go with a full hosted bar, I fear our newly sober family members will decline to come because of the temptations present. nbsp;I don't know wha tthe right answer is, but according to this board no matter what I do, I'll be violating some ettiquet rule out there. Posted by hockeywithadiamond[/QUOTE]

    So meet in the middle and do beer and wine only. I just went to a beer and wine wedding last weekend and it was still an awesome time and everyone was still dancing all night
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  • This is a tricky one, but I have been to lots of weddings who have had open bar for only the first hour and cash bar for the rest of the wedding.  Or cash bar for the whole thing, and I've never thought it was rude or been put off by it.  I also have some guests at my family that I would be uncomfortable inviting knowing that an open bar is available.  I think it's pretty common in today's wedding world to have a cash bar for at least part of the wedding, but  I also think that putting wine on the table is a nice gesture.  Then you're still offering a free drink with dinner and, should people want something different, they have the option of buying it at a cash bar.  Seems like a good compromise to me. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0fd18e8f-8ade-4c60-9030-3b8254f1fa24Post:d993b279-0f11-4ec7-9ae0-4d30d177d66a">Re: Open Bar Questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is a tricky one, but I have been to lots of weddings who have had open bar for only the first hour and cash bar for the rest of the wedding.  Or cash bar for the whole thing, and I've never thought it was rude or been put off by it.  I also have some guests at my family that I would be uncomfortable inviting knowing that an open bar is available.  I think it's pretty common in today's wedding world to have a cash bar for at least part of the wedding, but  I also think that putting wine on the table is a nice gesture.  Then you're still offering a free drink with dinner and, should people want something different, they have the option of buying it at a cash bar.  Seems like a good compromise to me. 
    Posted by bopple321[/QUOTE]


    It's really never okay to ask your guests to pay for something that is part of your hospitality. That means it's not actually hospitality. Have the wedding you can afford. If that means it's a dry wedding, so be it.

    Can you imagine asking your guests to pay for dessert? Or for extra mashed potatoes?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0fd18e8f-8ade-4c60-9030-3b8254f1fa24Post:5f466dd5-0470-4889-877b-6c38e4c0c612">Re: Open Bar Questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]I love how only a small handful have actually adressed my question.  I honestly don't know why anyone comes here for advice and I certainly regret reaching out.  I didn't ask about the cash bar for 2 hours.  All I asked was if I had to serve wine with dinner if it was available during the hosted bar section. I really don't see a problem with having the first 2 hours of the reception and the cocktail hour be free drinks and asking people who want to continue drinking throughout the evening to pay.  3 hours of free drinks is plenty especially when the cocktail hour doesn't even start until 6:30 in the evening.   I too have a lot of experiences with alcoholics and have worked in a rehab/detox facility for quite some time. I have noticed from lurking on most of these boards that it's full of bullies who have to put down peoples ideas.  I wasn't looking for etiquette advice on open bar or not but the regulars have decided to tear that apart and in the process make assumptions and statements that are reminiscent of a school play ground with the "it" girls running everything. I tried to come back and ask a simple question, but I really realize now that I have no desire to be apart of this "community" which is hurtful and bullying to those who come here for advice.
    Posted by hockeywithadiamond[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>No one insulted you and I don't think anyone was insulting at all. No one is bullying anyone, except maybe, if a cash bar were a person. Then yes, we were in fact insulting to Cash Bar. When you give us information, we're going to comment on it. You can choose to ignore our well-meaning advice and be rude to your guests, it won't bother us any. But please don't ask a question if you're not prepared to hear and answer.</div><div>
    </div><div>I remember you and your hissy fit about $300 convertable dresses. If anyone has been insulting here, it's you. </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0fd18e8f-8ade-4c60-9030-3b8254f1fa24Post:5f466dd5-0470-4889-877b-6c38e4c0c612">Re: Open Bar Questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]I love how only a small handful have actually adressed my question.  I honestly don't know why anyone comes here for advice and I certainly regret reaching out.  I didn't ask about the cash bar for 2 hours.  All I asked was if I had to serve wine with dinner if it was available during the hosted bar section. I really don't see a problem with having the first 2 hours of the reception and the cocktail hour be free drinks and asking people who want to continue drinking throughout the evening to pay.  3 hours of free drinks is plenty especially when the cocktail hour doesn't even start until 6:30 in the evening.   I too have a lot of experiences with alcoholics and have worked in a rehab/detox facility for quite some time. I have noticed from lurking on most of these boards that it's full of bullies who have to put down peoples ideas.  I wasn't looking for etiquette advice on open bar or not but the regulars have decided to tear that apart and in the process make assumptions and statements that are reminiscent of a school play ground with the "it" girls running everything. I tried to come back and ask a simple question, but I really realize now that I have no desire to be apart of this "community" which is hurtful and bullying to those who come here for advice.
    Posted by hockeywithadiamond[/QUOTE]


    To be fair, YOU sidetracked this thread by asking in the middle of it why it was considered rude to make people pay for their drinks. You can't really get upset with people for addressing that question, when you were the one who asked it.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0fd18e8f-8ade-4c60-9030-3b8254f1fa24Post:9452deb2-ad12-46e1-a650-f6f36e5fdaa8">Re: Open Bar Questions</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open Bar Questions : To be fair, YOU sidetracked this thread by asking in the middle of it why it was considered rude to make people pay for their drinks. You can't really get upset with people for addressing that question, when you were the one who asked it.
    Posted by Sephiroth[/QUOTE]
    Exactly. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • That's fine.  I am looking for a way I can delete my account here.  No reason to buy from a site or contribute by purchasing their magazine when they condone behavior like this.  And the fact that none of you realize how much of a bully you are speaks more against this site and you guys than anything else.  
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  • You don't need to delete your account. If you don't want to be here, just stop logging in. Easy peasy. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • In Response to Re::[QUOTE]That's fine. nbsp;I am looking for a way I can delete my account here. nbsp;No reason to buy from a site or contribute by purchasing their magazine when they condone behavior like this. nbsp;And the fact that none of you realize how much of a bully you are speaks more against this site and you guys than anything else. nbsp; Posted by hockeywithadiamond[/QUOTE]

    I always find it funny that people who are wanting their account deleted so badly continue to post. I agree with Addie. Just quit logging in.
  • OP, it sucks that your attitude about the advice given is lousy. But it was good advice and it answered the questions you asked. When you walk into a room full of strangers and ask a question, you're going to get all kinds of responses, and generally the more you stomp your foot and whine, the less likely you'll enjoy the responses you get.

    That being said, it's very simple to delete your account, just send TK an email and it'll be taken care of within a few days. 

    Otherwise, you could stick around and learn the rules. Read the sticky notes at the top of board pages. Make friends. Learn to hear criticism and learn to accept that this board (and others) are not here to validate all of your bad ideas. Chances are, if you have to ask "is this a bad idea?" it probably is.

    The simple solution to this problem is: host beer and wine as the alcoholic beverages for your guests all night. Count on your friends to know their limits. Count on the bartender to cut people off if necessary. Perhaps put out a list of cab companies near the bar should anyone enjoy too much. That's pretty much all you can do, dear. You cannot hold yourself responsible for the actions of other adults. 
    image
  • You have a private message! :)

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_open-bar-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0fd18e8f-8ade-4c60-9030-3b8254f1fa24Post:39f22c8d-9ca9-46cd-a31f-4a9cdffe6df6">*</a>:
    [QUOTE]*
    Posted by hockeywithadiamond[/QUOTE]
  • What?? I don't even get the DD on this or her comments.
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