Friends "working" at your wedding...

jcrmc

One of my FI's friends and groomsman is a 4-star resort chef, and offered RIGHT AWAY to do the hot food at the bbq reception. We at first said "But we want you as a guest and to have fun, not work!" and he replied that he LOVES his career choice and really really wanted to do this for us. We graciously accepted

One of my friends that I have known for over a decade and I made a deal aaaaaages ago that I would do her make-up (I have a diploma from a well respected MUA school) and she would bake my cake for our respective weddings. She reminded me of that when she found out about our engagment and told me she is super excited to bake for me.

My problem is this:

We know that these people are doing these things out of love for us and as their gift to us. I would feel awkward to *tip* but is it ok or even expected to get a gift of thanks? I would love to do that, but would it be weird? "Here's a thank you gift for your gift" type thing??

ETA: FI's dad is a professional photographer and is doing our pics (again, as soon as we told him of the engagement he said "Well you don't have to book a photographer!!"). Gift/token for him?

RebeccaB88

I would give a thank you gift and a heartfelt note to each of them.  You have great friends. 

Avion22

I wouldn't "tip", but instead get them a really nice thank-you gift (like a gift card to a nice restaurant or B&B, concert tickets, etc) and a good review on their website (assuming you were happy with their services). Just a word of caution -- make sure you still get vendor contracts!!! That way both you AND your friends/vendors are protected in case anything happens:-)

Loopyseven

I think heartfelt thank you notes are appropriate. Don't "tip" in cash, but a thank you in the form of a gift certificate to a good dinner would be much appreciated by any of them.

celticmyss

I have a friend doing the ceremony and another doing the photography. Neither will let us pay them. 

I have bought both a special  thank you card rather than using a regular one from our stationary. They are also both receiving gift cards that are be meaningful to them. 

Meegles4

Agree with Avion. A gift card or some other TY gift is a nice touch.

Daphne Descends

You are so lucky! My sister and I are both getting married and it's DIY all the way because we're both broke, but man... if we had such a pool of talented friends, it'd be a dream.

Definitely give them each a special and meaningful gift. I think it will mean more than a "tip".

Peledreamsofrain

I agree with the others, don't tip, but give them thoughtful gifts as thanks.

I too have a lovely friend who is doing photography for us.  While we did enter a contract with a (low) rate, I ended up gifting her with a year long photographer's pass to our local botanical garden.  She can take as many clients as she wants there for free, or just spend the weekend snapping pictures for herself.

DramaGeek

We had a lot of friends and family working our wedding too.  We thanked them with a gift card that we knew they'd enjoy - favorite restaurant or store, generally.

jcrmc

Thank you guys SO much - your advice is pretty much what I was thinking but I wanted to be sure and have outside opinion (ie not family advice).

And yeah, I'm super lucky to have such great friends

Quick follow up question for Avion22:

[QUTOE]Just a word of caution -- make sure you still get vendor contracts!!! That way both you AND your friends/vendors are protected in case anything happens:-)[/QUOTE]

What kind of vendor contract? And how do I broach that subject??

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friends-working-at-your-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0fe875fc-edab-4363-8780-c43513d72e4dPost:a94d6cd1-85ed-42e6-a66b-fe5919cbd6f3">Re: Friends "working" at your wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you guys SO much - your advice is pretty much what I was thinking but I wanted to be sure and have outside opinion (ie not family advice). And yeah, I'm super lucky to have such great friends :) Quick follow up question for Avion22: [QUTOE]Just a word of caution -- make sure you still get vendor contracts!!! That way both you AND your friends/vendors are protected in case anything happens:-)[/QUOTE] What kind of vendor contract? And how do I broach that subject??
Posted by jcrmc[/QUOTE]

Your friends should have contracts that they use with their customers.  I second the advice to sign contracts with them.  Your friends should understand as business owners.  Contracts protect the parties on both sides.

Say for instance one of your friends has a peice of equipment damaged during the wedding.  Their insurance company may not agree to compensate them for the damage if they can't prove that it was damaged during 'business use'.  I can easily imagine that happening.

Ajuliana

Make sure you have another non immediate family/wedding party member to take some shots with your FI dad in them.

EK2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friends-working-at-your-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0fe875fc-edab-4363-8780-c43513d72e4dPost:e3a975a1-83c3-42c7-aa33-e9ea135c748e">Friends "working" at your wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my FI's friends and groomsman is a 4-star resort chef, and offered RIGHT AWAY to do the hot food at the bbq reception. We at first said "But we want you as a guest and to have fun, not work!" and he replied that he LOVES his career choice and really really wanted to do this for us. We graciously accepted :) One of my friends that I have known for over a decade and I made a deal aaaaaages ago that I would do her make-up (I have a diploma from a well respected MUA school) and she would bake my cake for our respective weddings. She reminded me of that when she found out about our engagment and told me she is super excited to bake for me. My problem is this: We know that these people are doing these things out of love for us and as their gift to us. I would feel awkward to *tip* but is it ok or even expected to get a gift of thanks? I would love to do that, but would it be weird? "Here's a thank you gift for your gift" type thing?? ETA: FI's dad is a professional photographer and is doing our pics (again, as soon as we told him of the engagement he said "Well you don't have to book a photographer!!"). Gift/token for him?
Posted by jcrmc[/QUOTE]

<div>FI's Dad: A good gift for him would just be a second person (any guest with a decent camera and eye) who'll make sure there are 1) pictures of him and 2) chances for him to eat and socialize with family during important moments that he might otherwise feel obligated to photograph.</div><div>
</div><div>Your friends: Get everything in writing to protect everyone. You can give them gift cards or gifts you know they'll like (thematically appropriate ones would be sweet--like, getting a piece of bakeware for the baker if there was anything she needed).</div>

lyndausvi

My husband (also a chef) helped at this best friend's wedding. He refused to actually cook because he wanted to enjoy the wedding.   He helped with the menu, got all the food at cost and helped coordinate everything the morning of with the venue and their cooks, etc.     

I helped the bride with a lot of pre-wedding stuff also.

The bride's parents gave us a very generous GC with a beautiful thank you card.  It was totally unexpected, but so appreciated.   We happen to get the card a few days before our anniversary so it was perfect. 

I'm not sure where your venue is, but make sure you don't need a licensed caterer.  Our friend's had their wedding at another friend's restaurant.  They allowed DH have complete control over the food, so it wasn't an issue.  

ETA - Maybe ask your chef friend if he knows anyone who you could pay for a few hours to help him.  That way he could do like my DH did.  Still helped, but was not chained to the grill the whole time either.