invited guests bringing dates?

TheShadyYvonne

hi..i have a question - bare with me if this gets long.

 i sent out my invitations a few weeks ago - people who i knew were married and had significant others that they live with - i put both their names on the invitation.

i have a large family...and some of whom i haven't seen in many years.  Prior to sending out the invites - one person asked what the seating arrangements were...since they had a plus one.. i just casually and jokingly..said...oooh..a boyfriend?  and she sais yes...so it sounds like they've been dating for some time.  so when i sent her invitation,,,i included "and guest"

one of my cousin's just rsvp'd with her name and "plus one" - so i just casually sent a note asking how she was etc and that i was looking forward to seeing her.  i then asked what her significant others name was spelled as i need it for the place cards ( which i do).  she replied back with "lol" and spelled out his name...and added..." if i bring a different date, i will hide it"

*sigh*

i realize that we messed up a little..our intention was not to have everyone bring guests ( hence the way we worded the invites) but i also do feel bad that maybe there are some family members who i havent seen in ages that are now engaged or are living with a bf or gf or whatever.  

how do i proceed?  our intention is not to have people bring random dates - as most of their cousins etc will be there..so its not like they wont know people.  

basically...i'd like people not to bring random dates..for the sake of bringing a date...and for those who aren't single..and i didn't account for that..i'd like to apologize to them as their cards dont indicate and guest.  how do i weed out who's just bringing people for the hell of brining people and those who i really should have accounted a guest for..is this even possible?

SB1512

It sounds like you might have to make some phone calls.  This probably should have been done before your invites went out.......for cousins you don't see a lot you could and should have called aunt/uncle and asked, "hey i'm doing invites and just wanted to know if XYZ is in a relationship."  Another method would be to facebook stalk, lol.  For me, that would probably be the easiest and most effective thing to do but it's not for everyone.  Lastly, a lot of time if someone gets an invite and it's just addressed to them and they have a SO, many will call the bride or groom and mention that they are dating someone and can they come, so I wouldn't worry too much about invites where there was no +1 given, especially if the person invited is aware that you haven't seen each other or spoken in many years.

TheShadyYvonne

yes...that was our worry that we forgot someone's SO ( that we probably dind't know about)

I'll wait till i get more RSVPS back and go from there.

thank you

SB1512

oh and I mean to add if someone does send an invite back with extra guest call and confirm it's an SO

tbailey2013

How old are your cousins?  I thought a good rule of thumb is to give anyone who has been dating over a year a plus one.

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invited-guests-bringing-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1003ea84-b2ec-42e0-bad7-dc96ae51a265Post:67cbab7c-a90a-49e5-8608-305b2f4d050b">Re: invited guests bringing dates?</a>:
[QUOTE]How old are your cousins?  I thought a good rule of thumb is to give anyone who has been dating over a year a plus one.
Posted by tbailey2013[/QUOTE]

A good rule of thumb is to not make judgment calls about the seriousness of someone else's relationship and to, instead, just invite anyone together who considers themselves in a relationship. And that's not a "plus one" which is for truly single guests.

SB1512

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invited-guests-bringing-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1003ea84-b2ec-42e0-bad7-dc96ae51a265Post:67cbab7c-a90a-49e5-8608-305b2f4d050b">Re: invited guests bringing dates?</a>:
[QUOTE]How old are your cousins?  I thought a good rule of thumb is to give anyone who has been dating over a year a plus one.
Posted by tbailey2013[/QUOTE]

Could this poster possibly mean that if the cousins are teenagers (under 18) and have been dating a person for over a year it's nice to make room for their SO? 

TheShadyYvonne

we'll just play it by ear as people rsvp.