what would your fiance do?

pumpkinpumpkin

So...Mark and his friends were asked to be honourary pallbearers at their friend's funeral tomorrow. The dad said that they would be seated in reserved seating, but that there wasn't room for the wives/finaces/girlfriends.Girlfriend "B" that I mentioned last week - threw a fit. She keeps saying that her boyfriend can't keep it together as it is, and now he has to sit without her at the funeral? Andplusalso - she thinks is a (and I quote), "kick in the pants" that her boyfriend was asked to be a PB and she wasn't, she keeps saying, "I'm his friend, too". UUUGGHH! That being said, her boyfriend turned it down because he wouldn't want to sit without her at the funeral. The rest of our s/os accepted with great honour. What would your fiance/husband/so do? As the family requested, or as you requested?

Night_Sprite

He would accept.  Although, I think asking them to sit separately is weird.  Why not just use another row?

CubsGirl05

As the family requested, I wouldn't ask him to do otherwise. I'd be piised if he turned it down, just b/c he couldn't sit with me through, what, a half hour funeral?

aesthyerin

My FI would most likely accept the honour. He is going to be with other people who can't keep it together either and I would be able to comfort him later. I think he would probably regret not doing this for his friend.

ggmae

Well, chances are that I wouldn't react like Girlfriend B, but if I did then I'm sure DH would do as the family requested. And later on, I'd see the error of my ways and be thankful that he didn't listen to me.

kdcwedding

He would accept and I would want him to - couldn't all the girlfriends/wives/fiances just sit together or something? Seems silly that she is making this about her in a time like this where all of you are being there for the family and for each other.

pumpkinpumpkin

Yeah, I'm not sure why they can't reserve another row - I'm not too concerned about it. Mark would be LIVID if I expressed any concern over not being able to sit with him.

Mrs.B6302007

The rest of our s/os accepted with great honour. Exactly what Mr B would do and I would be disappointed if he thought twice about it just because I wouldn't be able to sit with him.  That would be a situation where I don't count.

danieliza1127

My husband would accept and I would never in a million years expect otherwise or care that we couldn't sit together.  It's a funeral for goodness sakes. 

ac_in_dc

that's just dumb that B is pitching a fit.  This is totally not about her. No big deal if the family wants the pallbearers to sit together.  It probably comforts them.

Mrs.B6302007

I can kind of see why the seating arrangements are as they are. The pall bearers need to be near the front and putting their S/Os right behind them probably would take up  seats for the family of the deceased.  I think they (whoever is organizing) could figure something out if they really thought about it but they're in a different frame of mind at this time.

ggmae

Oh, I thought we were hypothetically putting ourselves in Girlfriend B's shoes and acting like that. I'd never ever ask him to decline. If I did, then I'd be a selfish biitch.

vallyhoo

My FI would absolutely accept without second thought, and I would never utter a word about sitting apart from him.

ffmaid

He would accept at my encouragement. Better for him to be there for his friend. p.s. I have repeatedly asked you to remove my name from your signature. Please do so.

TheSaltyPeanut

She sounds like a class act. My FI would do as the family requested. It's an honor. As for her being upset that she was not asked to be a PB, I was under the assumption that this a men's honor. It's so sad that she is making this into the "look at me show" Hang in there

pumpkinpumpkin

I totally agree that "B" is acting like a whiny brat. I really used to like her, but this situation has brought out the worst in her, and the best in everyone else. She's also upset because her boyfriend is kinda new to "the group", and didn't know the deceased's parents very well, and did not know the deceased's brother at all. The brother was the one making the calls, but didn't know that he had a quad - everyone else was asked to line up their quads in front of the gym (funeral is in a high school gym) - but him. She's also throwing a fit about that. Relax girl. I nearly flipped on her yesterday, but then I'd be stooping to her level.

pumpkinpumpkin

p.s. I have repeatedly asked you to remove my name from your signature. Please do so.This is the first I've seen of that.

aimerzkd214

As the family requested, although i do think it is weird to not allow them to sit with SO i would not make a big deal out of it, i would sit wherever.

Calypso1977

maybe i'm off base, but i dont consider funerals to be social events.  no invitations are issued, and therefore i dont think the same rules apply as far as splitting people up, etc.  in fact, unless i knew the person i wouldnt go to a funeral as a GF or FI, unless my partner really wanted me there to support him.my H would do his duty, and i would go adn sit in the back or maybe not go at all, again depending upon how he felt and whether i knew the person.

lyndausvi

DH wouldn't think twice about doing what the family requested.

jaimebeth9

One million percent what the family requested and I would have ZERO problem with that. 

tenofcups4me

What's an honourary pallearer? Do  you mean just a regular pallbearer? Whatever it is, I think it's really weird that they have this special section and that it's only for the guys. I probably would comment on it after the funeral, but I can't imagine I'd say anything to DH before. Then again he thinks most religion traditions and almost all death traditions are BS so I imagine he'd have something to say about it to me in private anyway.

pumpkinpumpkin

He was cremated, and his remains will not be present at the service. Therefore, regular pallbearers would not be required. If they had not cremated him, the group of guys that are the honourary pallbearers would have been regular pallbearers. Mark has a been a pallbearer a few times, and I've never got to sit with him. Most of the time I go the funerals with him, as we've been together for 6 years - most of the people he's close with, I'm close with now.

clseale13

This is pretty common for funerals isn't it? FI would definitely do what the family requested and I would happily sit somewhere else w/the other wives/FI/GF.

banana468

My H would be a pallbearer and I'd sit with mutual friends/family. This isn't something that's new. My father has been a pallbearer many times. The two most recent times I can recall are when his best friend died and then a few years later when the best friend's father died. My father is not a man who cries. I've seen him brought to tears only four times in my almost thirty years on this planet. Those two deaths were two of the times he's shed tears and some of those tears were in church. He stayed with is dear friends who together were equally heartbroken over the loss of their beloved friend and father (as both were parents). It broke my heart to watch him walk down the aisle crying but never did I think, "Mom you should be there with him." Girlfriend 'B' sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do. Being a pallbearer is an honor. Does she realize that it's also work? I've heard men mentioning that lifting a casket isn't something done with ease. I have a sudden desire to kick B in the pants myself.

clseale13

Ok...now I'm confused. What exactly do they do as honourary pallbearers? I would still do as the family requested...but this concept now seems odd to me.

banana468

is dear friends should be HIS dear friends

lyndausvi

btw - I've been to more funerals then I care to remember.  I've only seen pallbearers sit in their own section once and that was for a 17 kid who died and all of pallbearers where his teenage friends. Everyother time the pallbearers walked down the aisle with the body, sat with their families and then went back up when they were needed again.  They were not always in the first few rows either (but still near the front).

tenofcups4me

Fortunately I don't have tons of experience with funerals, but I've never seen the pallbearers separated out from everyone else. THat seems especially weird to me -- if they were the people who were closest to him, I think they'd most need and want support from people they're close to. And I do think this "honorary pallbearer" stuff is just plain weird. Why do they need to make those kinds of differentiations at a funeral? All that said, now isn't the time for B to bringing those things up. especially publicly (along with all the other things you've mentioned these past few days).

Mrs.B6302007

The fact that there is no casket does eliminate the need for bearers so there isn't a true need for them to sit together at the front but if it's what the family wants, then that's what should be done.

pumpkinpumpkin

I believe they're walking in behind the minister, before the family, and they're going to be seated right behind the family. I think it's just a nice way of honouring his close friends/thanking those friends.