Prenup, sort of... am I being too sensetive?

jennylynnhankins

FI recently lost his job, and his parents who own a series of restaurants in another town (3 hrs away) have offered to let him take over one of the restaurants in order for him to have a secure job (restaurant has been open for 50 years) to provide for us and the family we want to have.I'm starting to warm-up to idea of moving, but this means I need to find another job and I'll be farther from my family. The problem is that his family wants me to sign a contract relinquishing rights to the business, so it stays with the family in the event of a divorce.First of all, I HATE having to think about divorce 15 days before our wedding, but I don't have to sign anything before the wedding, just if/when we decide to take the job. Second, it might be naive of me, but I always liked the idea of "building a life TOGETHER," and this feels like the business will always be his, not ours. I also feel like they aren't concerned with what happens to me if I divorce their son, but are only concerned about themselves. FI is willing to sign any agreement between us that says (for example) he'd have to pay me half the "value" of the business in the event of a divorce.FI says it's our decision, and if I'm uncomfortable with this than we don't have to do it, but I know he really wants to, and I could probably get a job anywhere.Am I being too romantic? Do I need to wise-up?

AlexiaANDRobert

I strongly disagree with the any idea of signing anything "in case of divorce." That being said I am the one with the assets and home that I'm bringing into the relationship.

J&K10910

This is potentially a great opportunity.  I guess I don't see what's not fair about a family business staying in the family.  It SHOULD stay in his family, in the event of your divorce.  It sounds like your FI is very willing to make it work so you don't get the shaft.  The truth is divorce happens.  Yes, you need to wise up.

crazynervous

I totally see their side of it and would sign the document.

kdcwedding

I can understand where the family is coming from. The restaurant has been open for 50 years, and they want to make sure it stays in the family. I know it's not the most romantic notion, but divorce does happen, and I think they just want to make sure it doesn't lead to issues with a business they have spent decades building as part of their family.

danieliza1127

I can sort of understand their reasoning.  It is a family business that has been around for 50 years.  I'm sure they don't want to see that destroyed by a divorce, god forbid that even occurred.  Unless you're planning to get divorced though, it's likely you'll sign the agreement and never need it.  Hopefully you never will.  Besides, it would be HIS job/business, not yours anyway.  You wouldn't quit your job to work there or be helping out in any way right?  You would still have your own job?  I can see why it may sting a little but from his family's perspective, I get it and I don't think I would have a problem signing it. I would have my own attorney review it though and not rely solely on theirs.

wadingmoose

Sign the paper.  It's a family business and they want to protect that for their family.  Definitely include something in there about protecting you in the event of a divorce, but let them keep the restaurant.  If you don't want that for your FI when you're in love with him and getting married in 15 days, then I'm not sure what to think.

duckie1905

They are just trying to protect themselves, their family business, and the assets that they have worked hard to obtain.I do not blame them at all for asking you to sign and if I were them, I would insist upon it before your soon-to-be-husband was allowed to touch the business.It isn't a romantic thought but reality is that lots and lots of marriages end in divorce and sometimes, practicality and sense have to outweight blind love.

duckie1905

sorry, *out weigh

mrsAE

Yes, you need to wise up, asap.  People with assets have prenups, it is very common.  If you are going to agree to it then you need to add clauses that protect you also including- no debt liability for the business, debts prior to marriage will never commingle, your assets before marriage will not commingle, decide who pays for legal fees if you divorce, an amount of spousal support usually a percentage of income or assets if you divorce, additional spousal support if you have children, and of course, a percentage of the business if you remain married for a certain amount of time.  Emotionally supporting him is a contribution to the business, as is taking care of the home and children. 

Peyton Lawrimore

I agree with PPs, I can see their side.  But you SHOULD have your own attorney look over the document first.  Should the validity of the prenup ever be challenged, you'll want to make sure that it's had legal review on both sides.

wadingmoose

AE, it sounds like she's planning to continue working.

mrsAE

That doesn't matter, she is still entitled to those clauses.  You also need to plan for the unknown, if she has children and stays home at all, you need to have clauses that protect you. 

SwedishChick2011

ditto Peyton

jennylynnhankins

Mrs.AE: That's what I was thinking... I want the option to be able to stay home with kids, if I want, and be protected.

wadingmoose

The thing is, what they are asking for isn't a full pre-nup.  If the OP wants, she could ask for the full pre-nup, but I'm not sure how a business that isn't theirs yet would be included.

mrsAE

Now get on the phone with a lawyer and find the terms that fit your situation.  The things I mentioned are pretty standard. 

ac_in_dc

AE and Dani are both right.  If they want you to sign something, make sure you have a lawyer who represents you look over it and make sure your interests are represented. Making this decision now, 2 weeks before your wedding, sounds a little bit stressful. Is there any way this sort of thing can get signed after the wedding and you've had a chance to talk to lawyers, etc. about it? I'm not sure, I don't know how these things work...

mrsAE

Wading, they are clearly asking for a prenup.  The specific business wouldn't be mentioned, it would be language like 30% of all business assets. 

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

Ditto AE. Have your attorney look it over and make sure there is some protection for you as well.Neither of you is wrong to want to protect yourself in the event of a divorce (nor is his family). And hopefully, you'll sign it and never have to think about it again. You and FI are the only ones who can make your marriage work, and that's a lot of faith for his family to put in your marriage (their livlihood - or at least part of it) depends on it now. It's not that big of a deal. I would totally sign (after making sure things were fair/legal.)

mrsAE

Also, there is no such thing as a full or partial prenup.  A prenup is a prenup, what you state is your decision. 

laurening

Retain your own attorney to review the document to make sure it's fair, but I would sign it, forget about it and don't take it personally. Most people get married assuming it'll last forever, but it's not the reality. And we've all seen or heard of divorces getting very messy. Signing it doesn't mean that you're jinxing the marriage or assuming it isn't going to work out. Romance and love is wonderful, but there is nothing wrong with some practicality. Hopefully you will be that happy couple that is together forever and in 50 years you'll find the prenup in some drawer and have a good laugh over it.

Peyton Lawrimore

And just an FYI, you can sign the agreement as a post-nup too.  It doesn't have to be done two weeks before your wedding, with all of the other stresses you have going on.  You'll want time to find and retain a reputable attorney and review the agreement before you sign.  If it were me, I'd make it a post-nup.

jennylynnhankins

I agree, I need my own lawyer... My grandfather is one and he has a good friend that can represent me. I haven't talked to my family yet because I know they'll be upset by the move and I don't really want any tension during the wedding. I think that's what made it so hard is that I haven't had a legal perspective until now (thanks girls) and I've gotten myself worked-up/ emotional about it.

notquiteblushing

Peyton took the words right out of my mouth.  You can sign it after the wedding.  Retain your own lawyer and work out what's best for you.  And IMO it's a reasonable request on their part.

CubsGirl05

It has been in HIS family for over 50 years, you had nothing to do with it. I would personally sign it.

wadingmoose

From what I've read, post nups aren't legal in every state so you should find out at least that much before you get married.

jennylynnhankins

We'll make sure it's a post-nup so we can talk about it after the wedding, but I do want to make sure we have an agreement before we pick-up and move.

TheSaltyPeanut

MrsAE, there is such a thing as a partial prenupt. I'm a paralegal at a family law firm and I draft these things ALL THE TIME. You don't have to do a "full" prenupt... just that in the event you would get a divorce, the family business is "off limits" so to speak, when you divide assets and debts.

mrsAE

There is no such thing as a partial prenup, if you agree to lesser terms, that is fine.  You can sell it how ever you want but when you end up with divorce proceedings, they will not be calling it a partial prenup. 

TheSaltyPeanut

It's called a marital property agreement and it is essentially a type of prenupt.