Tell me what to do :-(

abbalish

I keep going back and forth on this, but the time has come when I really need to make a decision.A good friend of mine from college is getting married outside of London on Saturday, August 15 (with festivities also taking place on Sunday, the 16th).  I just started a federal government job last Monday, and will be in very regimented training for the first 4-5 months.  Thus, we are strongly discouraged from taking time off these first few months.To fly out for both days of events, the flight would be around $1100, and I could leave Friday evening and come back on Monday, missing one day of work.  To be there for Saturday (and I should note that the ceremony is private anyhow), it would be around $1200 and I wouldn't have to miss any work BUT I'd have to spend pretty much all of my weekend on an airplane.  All of our other friends from college are going for at least a week, and they are all renting a beach house together after the wedding.  At most, I could be there on the 15th and 16th, and $1100+ is kind of hard to justify for such a short trip.  Especially when I haven't been paid yet, and I've been out of work since the beginning of March. I really would love to go, but I don't want to make myself stand out in a negative light at work, and I don't want to ask for the time off, especially since we've been told to really try not to ask for it in the beginning.I just got married two months ago, and she came to my wedding, although the trip was combined with other stops in the States (such as her mom's 60th birthday party in NY, and wedding dress fittings in Chicago).Sorry this came out so long!  What would you do?  Would you ask for a day off at work, against your supervisor's wishes?  Or would you suck it up and pay $1200 plus travel expenses to be there for one day?  Or would you stay home and send a really nice gift...?  Your advice is appreciated.

brookelynpaisley

I would stay home and send a nice gift. I think everyone knows that this is not the economy to be pissing off supervisors in. Your $1200 weekend could turn into a much more costly experience if they decide you're not serious about your opportunity with them. Although I'm sure she'll be disappointed that you won't be there, I think it'd be smarter to plan a trip in six months or so when you're done with your training and are in the clear to travel and take time off.

sucrets4

Ditto everyone else - I would stay home and send a nice gift since you obviously want to be there.Me and DH had to make a decision about flying to my cousin's wedding this past weekend, and we couldn't find any flights that where cheap and left at the best time.  We still could have gone, but it would have been rushed and we wouldn't have gotten to enjoy any time there.  Just make sure you explain it to her.  I think if she's reasonable, she'll understand. 

sapphirebaby926

that is a tough situation but I have to agree with the pp's - stay at home and send her a nice gift and plan a longer trip when your training is over. I'm sure if you talk to her about it she will understand your situation.

mocha beans

As much as I'd really, really want to go, I'd probably stay home and send a really nice gift.$1100 for two days is pretty steep.  Not sure how long the flight is there and back, but I'd be exhausted on Monday after spending half my weekend on an airplane, and the other half presumably partying.  That will leave just as sore of a taste in the bosses mouth as asking to take a day off.  Jobs are nowhere near a dime a dozen; especially for a govt job, I bet there's hundreds of people just waiting for your opportunity like a bunch of pirhanas.  I wouldn't want to do anything to risk losing the job.Maybe see if some of your other friends will take some pics to upload for you to see.  Or you could be cute and send a doll with a note that says "Here is spirit".  Well, maybe not too cute, but it'd be funny and I'd get a kick out of it if I were her.

MOBinFL2008

I'd skip the wedding and send a really nice gift.  Right now your job should be your priority.  Asking for time of when it has been suggested (read ordered) that you not do this is just asking for trouble.Even if you just went for the weekend you'd be so tired due to jet lag that you'd be a mess while you were there and probably for the entire next week.

julezlee

Ditto everyone else. I wouldn't go. It's just too much money and too much risk and I'm sure your friend will understand.

J&K10910

A government job sounds like a godsend in this economy.  I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that.  Maybe you can schedule a longer visit for after your training is done and you can take vacation.  Plus, farther in advance, plane tickets might be cheaper, and you can be more relaxed and actually get to spend some time with your friend.

abbalish

OK, you all are making me feel better.  Lately I've been leaning towards not going, but I feel like a bad friend for not being willing to suck it up and go.NCV, they're getting married in a ceremony that's only open to immediate family & wedding party.  The reception starts late that afternoon, and then they're having an all-day barbecue the next day as well.  I was a bit put off when I learned that as well, but hey, what can you do.

brookelynpaisley

I don't think you should feel bad. At all. Sucking it up with being tired and the cost is one thing. When sucking it up can mean risking your job, it's not worth it.

J&K10910

If you're worried she'll be upset, can you call her, and explain the situation.  Then tell her you'd love to see her and ask her when would be a good time after 4-5 months to visit. 

[Deleted User]

Then I would not even consider going! FBIL went on a week stag do to Spain and then was only invited to the night do with a cash bar! He spent over 1000 pounds on the trip, plus a week off work. I told him it was rude and he said he didn't think of it that way before. HAHA.

[Deleted User]

PS FI refused to take a trip to Wales, about 200 miles from us for a night do, so there is NO WAY I would fly across the Atlantic. FI is English so is used to night dos, but also thinks they are rude.

AmoroAgain

Don't go.  Obviously, she knows your situation and wouldn't be expecting you to come.  If our wedding was here, I would certainly understand people not being able to attend.

baby green bird

It it were me I wouldn't go in light of the new job and your supervisor's wishes. As hard as this one is, I would send my friend a beautiful gift off of her registry, along with a card and a note enclosed explaining your situation. Any kind of understanding person should see what kind of situation you are in and understand your decision. Congratulations on your new job!

ring_pop

I'm also getting married on August 15, and I also had OOT friends who thought long and hard about coming. It was exactly the same situation as you - they really wanted to come, but they couldn't get the time to make an entire vacation out of it, and so they were trying to figure out whether they could justify that expense for just the weekend trip.In they end, they told us they couldn't, and we completely understood. They wrote us a very nice reply expressing their sincerest regrets. We were really happy and flattered that they put so much thought into that decision in the first place.I'm sure your friend will understand.

trix1223

ring pop:  hijacking the thread, but I just wanted to tell you that everyone raved about DD's BM dresses (which you happen to be very familiar with!) at her wedding.  They looked beautiful, and the girls said they were really comfortable.They're lovely in the pics.

banana468

I wouldn't go either.  When friends of ours were getting married in Colombia, DH and I opted not to go for similar reasons.  We love them dearly and the groom was DH's best man but we just couldn't swing it with our schedules (plus, we doubted that DH would be allowed to attend with his security clearance anyway).

ootmother2

I would stay home and send a nice gift.It's not so much missing work as the fact that a turn around like that messes your body up for days!Even flying on firm business (they paid 1st class), I would go on Friday night for a Monday dinner and fly back on Tuesday.  I think my brain was at 37,000 feet for another few days before it landed.  And that was beind able to sleep half of the flight.Your friend will understand, especially with the supervisor problem added in.

ring_pop

trix - yay! Thanks for that!My girls went to pick up their dresses last weekend and they looked fantastic (the colour looks great on them too). They're really happy with them and I can't wait to see it all come together!

[Deleted User]

I would be weary about asking my new supervisor for a day off already.really?  i can imagine asking a new boss for time off might be intimidating, or nerve-wracking...but hardly tiring.op, i wouldn't go.  not worth it.  especially if you're not even going to get to see them get married.

miz bdh

you would feel like you were run over by a truck, but you could take the redeye friday night, land in london saturday morning, wedding festivities saturday/sunday, then take a 6am flight out of london monday morning and land (at least on the east coast) around 9am and go right to work. you'd only be a little late. it would be horrible but it's another option. (i live in london so i'm well versed in the headaches involved with attending weddings overseas).