To Wed or to Elope that is the question....

Michelle Politte

So here is the situation that I need advice on. My boyfriend and I are just about to get engaged. We both want a wedding but at the same time don't because we know there is going to be drama. At my sister's wedding my mom made a huge scene and left the reception early. This past weekend we attended his older sister's wedding. His mother was the Queen B****. She yelled at my boyfriend and even her own mother and just totally ruined the wedding for us. Now neither one of us really wants our mothers there but I know you can't just tell them they aren't invited but we both want some form of wedding. His mother was totally controlling at the wedding and wouldn't even let his sister and her husband out of the limo until the reception. The wedding ended at 2:30ish and the reception was at 5:30. They weren't allowed back at her house were all the guests were, not even to use the bathroom. They ended up running to a neighbors house so they didn't wet themselves. Any way back to what my question is, can we somehow have a mini wedding without inviting family? Like could we go on vacation and just get married there? I know that would probably be rude but we will be paying for the wedding not our parents and I know that between the two mothers one of them will ruin it. We both really want that dream wedding but at the same time don't want the drama.Any comments are helpful.  Shelly

AmoroAgain

My family is seriously drama prone and at this point, wish that FI and I had just run away to a beautiful place and gotten married.  Would have been a loooooot easier.

danieliza1127

You certainly can just run away and get married.  People do it all the time.  You could go pretty much anywhere.  The only thing you would have to be strong about is 1) not having your families there and 2) not getting talked into having a reception or party when you get back home, where surely your moms would act crazy and the whole point of you guys running away to get married would be lost.

ffmaid

Eloping is getting wed. Your real question is what type of wedding to have elope- the drama will be there when you get back small wedding- its hard to be so small as to not invite parents and the parent drama will still exist large wedding- lots of drama potential.it is up to you and fi to determine what works best for you and makes the two of you happiest

ac_in_dc

I think weddings exist so that people can learn how to deal with family drama as a couple.If you're paying and hosting, you can set the ground rules for your moms.  If that's not going to work, you can exclude them, but there will be drama, just not on your wedding day.If you're excluding the moms, how about eloping without much advance notice, far away from where they live. Don't bring a lot of folks with you (one or two friends max). It's still going to suck when you get back, but at least you'll be married.

dukeylouise

My boyfriend and I are just about to get engagedI'm sorry, I'm confused.  You aren't engaged, but you are planning the wedding?

Night_Sprite

If your moms are that miserable, I would elope.  It will be easier long term.

karenttrouble

Yeah, elope. Maybe you could bring friends with and never mention that anyone else came. Also, I totally get why you're planning this when you're not technically engaged- if you tell your families you're engaged, they'll start pushing you into stuff!

Michelle Politte

We are not engaged yet because we started talking about rings and his sister got engaged and now they are married after only knowing each other six months and we didn't want to compete with that. Another reason is we know our parents are going to say we aren't ready. I wasn't aware there was a law that said we couldn't think about the wedding before while waiting for the right moment to get engaged. One of the reasons I wanted to plan was we will be paying for it ourselves and I wanted to get a general idea as to the cost. Also I joined the Knot to try to help my boyfriend's sister plan her wedding but their mom found ways to exclude me so there wasn't any point to trying. I fully plan to cut my own mother out of my life as she isn't the woman who raised me any more. I was looking for advice not just negativity. Thanks to those of you that gave actual advice.