Wedding Etiquette Forum

Question about gifts.

I have friends who got married recently.  We attended the wedding.  They requested no gifts, so we took a card and felt somewhat awkward about the no gift thing :)When they got back from their honeymoon, I was talking to the bride and she said that they had received some gifts and her husband tried to give them back to the givers, he felt that people had traveled too far (the particular people in this instance had traveled from Scotland to Canada) and that was their gift to him.Rude or not to return gifts to the giver?  Mainly because I'm a bit worried about this at my wedding.  I'm leaning towards keeping anything and sending a thank you, but I really don't want gifts.

"You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb

Re: Question about gifts.

  • If I give a gift, it's because I want to give a gift.  I don't want it back!
  • Yeah, I would be pretty offended if someone tried to give me back the gift I gave them.
  • I think it's rude to try to give them back.   I get what the groom felt about their traveling to the wedding was gift enough and I agree.  However, guest chose to give more on top of that and they should be thanked, not insulted by having their gifts shoved back at them.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!

  • I'd be kind of offended if someone tried to give me my gift back.  He should have just sent a really nice thank you card and left it at that.

    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

  • I personally think it's rude.  People did something nice by giving you a gift (or blatantly ignored your wishes) and it just seems unnecessary to me to force them to take the gift back.
  • I think its very rude for him to try and give back the gifts.  If they already requested no gifts because of the lengthy travel, then they made it clear that gifts were not an expectation.  If the people wanted to anyways, he should just let them.
  • I understand people requesting no gifts, but sometimes I like to give them something anyway, especially at a wedding.  If someone brings one after you say not to, and you try to give it back, I think that's quite rude.  These people brought a gift because they wanted to.  Just thank them appropriately.
    Kailyn Jean Born August 6, 2011 (3w6d early) imageBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker Planning Bio
  • I don't know if it's really rude or not, but I have always been taught to accept gifts (and compliments) graciously with a thank you.   Also, as a guest, if the couple tried to give the gift back to me I would be a little bit hurt, since I probably put a lot of effort into picking out a gift I thought they would like and I really wanted them to have it.
    Leo says hi. He's...special.
  • I agree with everyone else....It's beyond rude to give it back.
  • If they knew you didn't want gifts but chose to give one anyway then they probably really wanted to.  I would not return it or want it back. 
  • PS, I'm not sure if the gift in question was money or an object.  She made it sound as though it wasn't all of the gifts, just one or two in particular which makes me think it was the cash gifts.  But I wasn't going to ask.I feel the same way and would've been "wtf?" if we'd given a gift and had it handed back to us. 

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
  • I had something similar happen at DD's wedding and it p!ssed me off.My DH and I chose to cover the cost of our parents' and siblings' room at venue.  My family came up and graciously said it was a lovely surprise.  My sister even wrote me a thank you when they got back home.My in-laws however, got really nasty about it, and shoved cash at me.  It completely ruined the moment for DH and I.Gifts should never be pushed back at the giver.  They should be accepted with a gracious "Oh how very lovely of you!"
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • Some people really do enjoy selecting and giving gifts. I think it's rude to return it. The gracious thing to do is to accept it, even if it's something you don't want, and thank them for their kindness.
  • Rude. It is liek saying you do not want their good wishes. Send a thank you note and let it be
  • It's rude.  I have a funny story relating to this.  Every year my dad would send his mother a gift for "insert holiday here" and it would eventually make it's way back to him.  So one Christmas he bought something he wanted, took a photo and mailed to her with a note "I got this gift for you but I'm going to save on shipping and just keep it.  Merry Christmas."
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