Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

I'd love feedback on the ceremony I wrote for my friends!cc

Hi everyone,

I am very honored to be marrying my two close friends in a few weeks. They are a non-traditional, gay, interfaith couple, and their only requests were that I make the ceremony very personal, and that it's not too short. They want it to be long enough that it feels important. 

While I will just be mc'ing much of the ceremony, asking people to read, handling the voiws and the seven blessings, etc., I have written the first section and I would love feedback on it. I have to warm you - it is still a bit messy and I actually think it's too long. But beyond that - do I say what I need to? Have I left anythng out? Did I say something I shouldn't? Should anything I wrote go in another part of the ceremony? 

Also, I know there are a bunch of long sentences in there, but I am an experienced public speaker, and feel I can handle these by speaking slowly.

Thanks so much for your input! I really appreciate it. 

Begining of ceremony: 

On behalf of A and J, I want to thank you for joining them on this beautiful day. They are so grateful that you have come—many of you from very far away—to witness the commitment they are about to make to each other and share in their joy.


J and A, I know I speak for everyone when I say that it is a thrill to be here, and an honor to celebrate with you. As you promise to love and support each other in marriage, we promise to support you, and to help you keep the promises that you make to each other today.


Before we proceed, we’d like to have a moment of silence for the family members and friends who have passed and are not able to be here today.


Pause


Thank you.


A and J, You have already been together for many years, and you already share a tremendous love and commitment to each other. You have watched each other change, and you have encouraged each other to grow. But today, you are choosing to make a formal and public declaration of this love and commitment by getting married because you believe that marriage has the power to make your love, and your lives, more meaningful. You want, more than anything, to give yourselves to each other and to pursue shared goals and intentions. You believe that you are better for being with each other and you want to be bonded for life as a couple, and you want to put yourselves as a couple before yourselves as individuals. You believe that getting married will transform your relationship in these ways, and it will. And so today, things change.


Today you stand under the chuppah, which symbolizes the new home that you will build for yourselves as a couple, and the sacred space that you will now share as family. The chuppah is open on all sides, so you can welcome those you love into your home. This is perfect for you, as everyone knows how much pleasure you both take in having people over, and what great hosts you are. You love giving to people, feeding people, and making them feel like they are a part of the most special and fun family imaginable. This is one of your gifts to those you love, and we are grateful for it, but you should make sure that you should fortify the boundaries of your union, and create a special place where the love that can only exist between the two of you will flourish.


In addition to being open, this chuppah is also portable, which is very convenient for a couple that moves and travels as much you do. Unfortunately, it might be impossible to check it as luggage, so you won’t always have it with you. But as long as you are together, you’ll have a home wherever you end up, because your home is each other, and as long as you protect your love, it will protect you. I hope that no matter where you are, whether it’s near or far, whether, as you already have, you find yourselves sipping cocktails on a beautiful beach in Bali, Peru (?), or Sri Lanka, or driving through Slovenia in a car with a manual transmission and you think you’re doing to die not only because you can’t really drive the car, but because you can’t really stop it either, and you have to blow through intersections while one of you leans on the horn and the other hysterically waives their arms out the window and shouts, that you can remember this day, and know that wherever you are, if you are with each other, you’re where you need to be, and have everything you need.


 Travel has always brought you closer together, from your first trip to Puerto Rico just a few months after you started dating, to your international moves that continue to bring you all over the globe. You want to see the world, and you want to do it together, not only because it’s more fun, but because if one of you sees something beautiful, it will be less beautiful, and less special, if the other isn’t there to experience it with you.


One of the things that you both love about each other the most is your sense of adventure and how curious you both are. When you travel, you often end up exhausted at the end of the day because you don’t want to stop exploring. As you wander the streets of a new city or town, one of you is always excitedly saying, “Let’s see what’s around the next corner.” After you round that corner, you say it again, and again, and again. You always want to go further, see what’s out there, and soak up a bit more. This is what makes you happy.


This hunger is also present in the rest of your lives. You want to push yourself and actively explore, but as with travel, you want to make sure that you do it with each other as much as you can so you can evolve together and truly share your lives. You are ready to create something that is bigger than the both of you, to align your goals and desires, and to put the needs of your marriage first. This is what will keep you happy.


But this won’t always be easy to do. What’s around the next corner won’t always be exciting, and the street you find yourself on may feel interminably long. But you’ve faced enough challenges as a couple to know that. I hope you remain as brave and as eager to work things out as you’ve been in the past.


And I don’t doubt that you will. J and A, I, along with everyone (?) here, have seen how happy you make each other, how well you balance each other out, and have witnessed the rare and untouchable love that you share. You are still so excited by each other, sensitive to each other, and in love with each after all this time. There is no doubt in my mind that you should be together, and will remain together.

Re: I'd love feedback on the ceremony I wrote for my friends!cc

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_id-love-feedback-on-the-ceremony-i-wrote-for-my-friendscc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:0bf6deab-64cb-48e5-a044-c6b68ba5423ePost:2fb4eb77-d3ad-481b-93ee-f12d4bb48965">Re:I'd love feedback on the ceremony I wrote for my friends!cc</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it's beautiful, but the car thing is too long and awkward. You dont need all of those details about the car story. I'd shorten it a bit since it distracts from the rest of the speech. Otherwise, very very nice.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thank you! That's very helpful. </div>
  • i agree with PP I would just shorten the car story the rest is beautiful!
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  • Agree 100% with PPs. Beautifully done.
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  • I think it's nice!  I might add a sentence about who you are if you're not already known to the group (eg, A and I have been friends since first grade...).  I also thought the car bit might be a bit long, but honestly, that is the piece that stands out to me as being the most personal, with the most of their character coming out. 

    If you do want to make cuts, a few of the paragraphs seem pretty generic, and if you replaced A&J with any other couple, could also apply.  I would target those first.  I really love when ceremonies use stories from that couple's life, and you could interview them for some of their favorite moments together for more options.  For example:

    This is perfect for you, as everyone knows how much pleasure you both take in having people over, and what great hosts you are. You love giving to people, feeding people, and making them feel like they are a part of the most special and fun family imaginable. This is one of your gifts to those you love, and we are grateful for it, but you should make sure that you should fortify the boundaries of your union, and create a special place where the love that can only exist between the two of you will flourish.

    Instead you could talk about a well known party (eg, recent housewarming?) or their signature dish that lures everyone in, or the infamous dessert or drink that can't be resisted... something that is one level more personal than "you love to feed us".

    Otherwise, I think you're off to a great start!
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  • edited September 2012
    Agreed that you should introduce yourself a bit. Everyone will want to know!

    I really like the humor in it :) That does help it from sounding too preachy. You could probably cut out a few of the "should" sentences in there - that will also help it sound less preachy.

    Agreed w PP that the car thing is a little lengthy. I think it bothers me most because it's a super long run-on sentence. It sounds like a pretty hiliarous story, but I don't think it really fits here. You could maybe cut the story. You tie in their love for travel in the paragraphs following that one. Although there's no specific story in there, you explain how they always want to look around the next corner. I like that! That is something unique to them and is a great illustration of their shared love.


    In addition to being open, this chuppah is also portable, which is very convenient for a couple that moves and travels as much you do. Unfortunately, it might be impossible to check it as luggage, so you won’t always have it with you. But by being together you have created your own home. You both want to see the world, and you want to do it together, not only because it’s more fun, but because if one of you sees something beautiful, it will be less beautiful, and less special, if the other isn’t there to experience it with you. In sharing this love and appreciation of travel, you take your home with you always.

    One of the things that you both love about each other the most is your sense of adventure and how curious you both are. When you travel, you often end up exhausted at the end of the day because you don’t want to stop exploring. As you wander the streets of a new city or town, one of you is always excitedly saying, “Let’s see what’s around the next corner.” After you round that corner, you say it again, and again, and again. You always want to go further, see what’s out there, and soak up a bit more. This is what makes you happy.

    etc

    I know this is tough and feel free to ignore my suggestions. I just tried to make it flow a little better without repetition. But I may have failed in that - ha! With the readings and other aspects of the ceremony, tho, I don't think you'll have a time issue. :) Good luck!

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