RSVPing with a different date?

frohotch

I'm in a bit of a difficult position.  I invited one of my friends to my wedding with her boyfriend of four years--both names on the invite.  However, since he can't make it she invited one of her other guy friends to come instead.  Initiallly, I was annoyed but okay with it, but the more I think about it, it's really bothering me.  We're trying really hard to keep the wedding small, so our single guests were not invited with guests.  I feel like it's unfair that she gets to bring one, while the other people don't. 
She's not traveling for the wedding, and while not good friends with any other attendees, knows 6-7 of them fairly well.  How would you handle this?  I want to just be open to her about it, but she gets very defensive so I'm afraid of how to broach the subject. 

Nebb

Well she should have asked before doing that, but in the end you invited her with a guest. You reserved two spots for her, so she is just filling it. I would let it go.

RachNRich

If you were anticipating her bringing a guest, it shouldn't matter, in regards to your final guest count, if it's someone other than her SO.
It may make you angry--but, is it worth a fight?

*BeachBride0410*

I would call her and tell her I am sorry but we reserved 2 seats for you & your BF, I wish he could make it & I hope you will still consider attending.

I had a girlfriend who broke off her engagement & called me saying since he and I broke up can I bring someone in his place.  I was shocked....thought about it and told her no.  We only invited married, engaged or SO's. 

*BeachBride0410*

Do you know this other person she wants to bring?

wcvsb3b5

I would be a little ticked too. You could try to explain to her that the spot was there for her bf but she would have a lot of defenses to use like the fact that it's still only two people. If it were me I would let it slide so I didn't have to hassle with it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

An invitation is not a ticket. You invited two specific people. I totally understand being upset. I might mention to her that you're uncomfortable with it, but disinviting him would lead to a mess with that friendship, and might not be worth it.

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvping-different-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1037f602-8aef-4397-8e0b-1c46252b5fc2Post:022ebaf5-7cae-4e95-baae-23d644342701">Re: RSVPing with a different date?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would call her and tell her I am sorry but we reserved 2 seats for you & your BF, I wish he could make it & I hope you will still consider attending. I had a girlfriend who broke off her engagement & called me saying since he and I broke up can I bring someone in his place.  I was shocked....thought about it and told her no.  We only invited married, engaged or SO's. 
Posted by *BeachBride0410*[/QUOTE]

<div>Way to add insult to injury!  </div><div>
</div><div>Yes, she's in the wrong, but I can't see how it's worth it to call her.  You obviously have the space, since you expected her boyfriend, so I don't see how you can explain it so that you don't sound like an ass.  </div>

*BeachBride0410*

Rach I love your new sig BTW


From my experience, the friend wanted to bring the guy she broke her engagement up for.  I told her that lets wait and see what happens...because it was 6 months before the wedding...like I thought nothing came of them.

RachNRich

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvping-different-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1037f602-8aef-4397-8e0b-1c46252b5fc2Post:6491f471-6e7d-4277-8423-95dff1b92f52">Re: RSVPing with a different date?</a>:
[QUOTE]Rach I love your new sig BTW
Posted by *BeachBride0410*[/QUOTE]

Thank you <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-kiss.gif" border="0" alt="Kiss" title="Kiss" />

*BeachBride0410*

Mynameisnot-  "We only invited married, engaged or SO's"  I didn't tell her this part....I was explaining that is how our invites went.  I know it came across that way when I posted...but I would never tell her that.

frohotch

I guess maybe I will try to let it slide, but I'm still pretty upset about it.  If she'd at least asked, I would have felt better, instead of just telling me.  I do know the guy, a common aquantance from college, but he's part of the problem.  He used to date one of my best friends (I set them up) and it ended badly.  That was many years ago, she's now married, he's in a serious relationship.  They're probably both fine with it, and mature enough to handle it, but it makes me a little comfortable forcing on them the first time for them to have to see each other since the break-up. 

OliveBaby

In the grand scheme of things, this is so so minor. Let it go.

quotequeen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvping-different-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1037f602-8aef-4397-8e0b-1c46252b5fc2Post:6491f471-6e7d-4277-8423-95dff1b92f52">Re: RSVPing with a different date?</a>:
[QUOTE]From my experience, the friend wanted to bring the guy she broke her engagement up for.  I told her that lets wait and see what happens...because it was 6 months before the wedding...like I thought nothing came of them.
Posted by *BeachBride0410*[/QUOTE]

You had already sent your invites 6 months before the wedding?

lissypooh628

You initially invited her with her boyfriend.. so you were still preparing to have 2 spots for her.  it stinks that she didn't ask first, but don't waste too much time worrying about it.  It's not like she responded that she's bringing a family of 8 with her.