Etiquette on money

dawnbeatty

Hi LadiesWhat is the etiquette, if there is any, on asking for cash/money instead of registering?  FI and I both own our own homes and have no need to regisiter for cookware or bedroom stuff.  We don't want to do a honeymoom registry because we aren't to sure where we are going to go or if we are going to go right after we get married.TIA

shanwalk2

don't ask for anything. including money. if you'd prefer money - have your parents/bridal party spread it by word of mouth.

berryholly

Your baby is adorable.

shanwalk2

... I want to add to my previous post. And only have them spread it by word of mouth if people ask "what does dawnbeatty want for her wedding?" I would suggest doing a small registry anyway. Couldn't you use upgrades, ect? I"m one of those people that buy off a registry and hate giving cash - so I would be irritated by not having any registry at all.

Mryan209

There isn't, but you can choose not to register and some people will get the hint, however, you open the door up to random gifts too.  You can also get family/friends to pass it on via word of mouth. 

aprillm730

eehhh... I'm thinking there isn't a very polite or right way to do that... I'm thinking word of mouth would be best if anything.

Kristin789

Wedding gifts are supposed to be wonderful and heartfelt and long-lasting, mirroring the giver's fervent hope that the couple's marriage be wonderful and heartfelt and long-lasting. By inviting these people to your wedding, you've asked your friends and family to be witnesses to your wedding ceremony, and as witnesses, those people are mentors for your marriage. Their gifts represent their acceptance of your request for their mentorship, and their gifts represent their presence in your lives and hearts forever. When you see/use these gifts, you are reminded that you have a circle of people around you as a couple, people who you can call on, people who have pledged their support of you two as a couple. The following ideas do not match with what a wedding gift is supposed to represent, and in fact, just demand that people give you money instead of a wedding gift:  a downpayment registry, a honeymoon registry, a “donation” to your fav charity, a money dance, a money tree, a greenback wedding or shower (where the guests bring cash), a plastic wedding or shower (where the guests bring gift cards), or an outright request for cash.

ootmother2

I absolutely can't be a smartass to someone with such a beautiful little girl!word of mouthtell moms, dads, grands, etc. and they will know what to do.  Make a small registry of upgrades or a wish list just for the people who hate to give cash.Use the cash to put that kid in modelling school

aerinpegadrak

Let your family and bridal party spread the word that you'd prefer cash.Honestly, you should probably register anyway, because some people would prefer to give you something material.  If you don't register, you risk a lot of white elephant gifts.  There are plenty of places you can register where you can get a lot more than just the usual stuff, like Amazon.  I mean, we've got a Wii on our registry.  Just get creative.

LarissaAnn

First, don't listen to Kristin. I've seen her make that post verbatim before and she's insane. Second, ditto the OTHER people - word of mouth. Personally, I say don't register at all. If you end up with some random gifts, you end up with some random gifts. Where are you, though? It differs by area of the country - in the northeast (I'm in NJ), money is most common at weddings anyway. Most people don't do physical gifts.

megk8oz

I'm not registering either, as FI and I have our own place, which is tiny and fully stocked. There is no room for anything else, and actually we recently received "upgrades" on some small appliances as a lot of our recently married friends gave away the "duplicates" that they couldn't return.Regarding the insane PP: When the blender breaks in 6 months, I'm not going to think "Gee, cousin Suzy was such a great marriage mentor", I'm going to this "F***, my blender broke". And as for the 2 toasters, I'm not going to be concerned about Grandma Jane and Uncle Jim's "support" of my union when I'm trying to return one or both at Wal Mart for store credit so I can buy something I NEED.I and other close family have been spreading the word, but strictly on a "when asked" basis. When we explain that there is no room (And the only things we need are big appliances like, a new refrigerator, that nobody is going to give us) and no need for the basic registry crap (Obviously, worded more politely), they've seemed pretty understanding. Its not like I'm going down my guest list calling people up saying "Send cash!".

hmschults

I do agree that the gifts people give you on your wedding day have more sentiment and meaning then those given for your birthday..that said there is no untacky way to say "money only". You will get generic gifts that you have even less use for...I agree with pp's do a small registry..you can do one at home depot or amazon..people do get hurt feelings a bit if you say money only

dawnbeatty

Wow Thanks Ladies - FI was right he said we should register for something - I'm just in the same boat as megk8oz and we no room.  But I do agree that some people will want to have something to buy. Octomother2 - thanks for not being a smartass - I was cracking up just after reading your 1st line:-) Thanks for all the nice statements about our little Kylie Bear - she is such a true blessing to us both. And we will do the word of month - I kind of already started that just when people ask - even though we still have 9-10 months. Thanks again to all!

Calypso1977

not registering is the best way to ensure cash.  also, family and close friends/WP can discreetly spread the word. we got 95% cash and gift cards.  worked great for us.

BecW2be

I really, really want to pick Kylie up and kiss her cheek and squeeeeeze her. That's all I have to add to this thread. What a cutie!