Weddings bring out the crazy-a rant, I suppose

maggyruth

**This is going to be long.  Cliff notes-mom/step-dad were visiting for a month and I was left feeling like a 19 year old who can't do anything right and am a self-absorbed beyotch.**Yup.  I am thoroughly convinced of this.  I am also completely thrilled that my parents live 2,000 miles away.  I never thought I'd say that.  They were visiting for a whole month, and it was probably the worst month I've had in a long while (thankfully, they didn't stay with me.  However, I think I need to apologize to my bro & SIL because they had to live with the tense feelings.)Things I was told in the past month:1) "You've changed."-well, no kidding.  The last time you were around me for any period of time longer than a week was when I was 19. I'm 30 now.  You'd think that be a given.2) "You're too abrupt."-learned that one from you mom.  What's the point in beating around the bush?3) "All you ever do is upset your mother."-that was from my stepdad.  Yes, I make a daily effort to upset my mother.  Truly, it is my goal in life.4) "You expect too much."-Really? I would have thought the fact that I wanted to have the reception in a park (cheap), have it catered (less work for my mother, who seems to think self-catering is the way to go), wouldn't be expecting too much.  Evidently the fact that I wanted it to be closer to my guests was, because it wouldn't be closer to where mom was staying.  And then when I say that I expect nothing, I get the sobbed reply, "Then what am I even here for?"  Really?  Drama queen much?  5) "Step-dad is hurt because he won't be walking you down the aisle."  Evidently, we had some sort of convo about this when I was 20 and I mentioned possibly having him do this.  I'm not having anyone walk me down the aislt.  The whole 'give me away thing' is ridiculous.  I'm sorry neither of your daughters have gotten married.  That's not my fault.  And as far as I'm concerned, he was never an option.There were times I really wish I had a punching bag.  Evidently, it's ok for the kid to be hurt or upset.  So, I get all the crap laid on me, and everything is my fault.Eloping-the only way to go.  If it weren't for the fact that I'm moving 800 miles away after the wedding, I'd completely scrap everything...maybe I should and just have a small going away party.  Gah.

Piper_62

[img]<a href="http://s.bebo.com/app-image/7925961629/5411656627/PROFILE/i.quizzaz.com/img/q/u/08/04/08/The_shining_heres_johnny_1_.jpg" rel='nofollow'>http://s.bebo.com/app-image/7925961629/5411656627/PROFILE/i.quizzaz.com/img/q/u/08/04/08/The_shining_heres_johnny_1_.jpg</a>[/img]

maggyruth

That picture is so totally appropriate.  Do you have them indexed on your hard drive or something?  You're quick.

SwedishChick2011

Parents can be really annoying sometimes.  That's all I have to say.

twinkie757

Sounds like we should get our moms together. I made a list just like this for FI after spending the day with my mom yesterday. At least she isn't constantly suggesting you go to Vegas or JOP, that gets old really fast. Good luck dealing with them as you get closer to your wedding.

Kristin789

1.  A month is just too long.  I know no one who has guests in their home, or someone else's home nearby, for a month.  Any guests would start to grind after a week.2.  Your mom sounds like she is sad that her "job" is ending, and she hasn't liked how it's gone so far.  That's sad.  Like if someone spent 30 years at a workplace and didn't really do the job well for years, and now it's over and there are no more chances to do it right.Sounds like you are flaunting how "independent" you have been since you were 19, when most mothers think that they are "needed" as mentors/advisors until their daughter gets married and their "job" is over.  You probably should get over some of that and respect your mom more.3.  Forget about the step-dad-walking-YOU-down-aisle thing.  The last person seated before the processional is the MOB.  Your step-dad will escort the MOB.  She is HIS WIFE.  That's his job.  That's as good as it gets.

gkb0910

Sounds like you are flaunting how "independent" you have been since you were 19, when most mothers think that they are "needed" as mentors/advisors until their daughter gets married and their "job" is over. You probably should get over some of that and respect your mom more.It doesn't sound like that to me at all.

maggyruth

Other than the fact that I'm living my life, I don't see that I'm "flaunting" anything.  My mother raised me to be independent.  If she wanted an emotionally needy, codependent dipshit, then she needed to go that way.  I am not being disrespectful to my mother.

NuggetBrain

Sounds like you are flaunting how "independent" you have been since you were 19, when most mothers think that they are "needed" as mentors/advisors until their daughter gets married and their "job" is over. You probably should get over some of that and respect your mom more.What the f*ck are you talking about?  What, so she should make up reasons to act like a 19 year old again so her mom doesn't feel sad that her grown up and independent daughter is acting grown up and independent?  So you shouldn't act independent and therefore disrepectful because Mommy's job of telling you want to do isn't over until she passes you on to your husband, who I presume then should take over the task of telling you what to do?  Don't you have a kitchen somewhere to be pregnant and barefoot in, since that's apparently the best thing evar?

salt78

Do we have the same mom?

louisvillebride21

You know, I don't really get the pregnant and barefoot jokes. Being in KY, we get them all the time. I can't imagine walking around barefoot all the time. Yuck. /threadjack. But ditto Nugget.

mandapanda78

I gotta say, I have a BSC mother and I loathe when people tell me to respect her more. She has zero respect for me, so why should I go out of my way for her? I am civil and polite to her and that is the best she is going to get. OP, I have coped with my mother's demands and rants about how I'm breaking the "rules" for my wedding by ignoring her, or if she gets really bad I'll pretend to consider her opinion. Sometimes I simply say "I'm sorry you feel that way" and once I busted out the "I'm sorry you feel that way and we will understand if you choose not to attend the wedding." I've found this to be the least stressful way of dealing, but then again she isn't visiting me for a month. Sorry your mom is acting this way. Vent away if it helps- we'll listen and sympathize!

Audrey_03

(I think the barefoot part of the saying is meant to imply "and never ever leaves the house")

ffmaid

Ignore kristin she lives in 1909 not 2009. Yes guests get obnoxious after more then a few days. I would take a deep breath and try and focus on the big issue that you get married to the man you love

jeannigirl

I don't think she is flaunting her indepedence at all. Maggie good for you and growing up to be the woman that you are. I don't know why some mothers feel so insecure that they want to be controllling of their children. I know has a parent I taught my children the best I knew to become independant and stand on their own two feet. I don'tthink just because maggie is independant does that show that she is not respectful to her mother.Maggie plan you & FI's day and enjoy it has you begin your lives together.

squirrly

Nugget, you read my mind. OP, your mom needs to grow up.  You need a trip to the spa (or bar!) as a thanks for putting up with her for as long as you did, as well as you did.  Kristen, you need to find a board designed for women of yesteryear.  Because you're either actually 85, BSC, or were born in the wrong era.