How can I include my mother in law?

cfoley83

My FI and I along with my father are funding our wedding next September.  My FMIL has made (in my opinion) some passive-aggressive comments about "not being needed in the wedding planning process."  The problem is that she lives about 50 miles away and is largely home-bound.  I have given my FI a few examples of things that might make her feel more a part of the wedding but they have shot them all down.  For example I suggested we dance to the song that FMIL danced to at her wedding to which she replied that she didn't remember what it was.  I then suggested that she make the calamari salad that she makes every Christmas (it is a small wedding and other crafty relatives are contributing similarly) however, she felt that she would be over-burdened doing this before the wedding.  I am also an only child so I feel that much of the planning should be shared between myself and my parents since I am the bride and this will be the only time they plan a childs wedding.

julie_abeille

My MIL also wanted to help out and while I appreciated her asking it was hard for me to let go and accept help. Control freak tendencies. Just ask your FMIL what she would like to help with and have some ideas in mind. You said that she was mostly home-bound, I don't know if you mean due to a medical condition but that may be why she is being grumpy. Maybe she feels like she can't really do much, or she could just be a PITA. Hard to say. This is some stuff my MIL did...--arranged RD and sent out the invites, handled all RSVPs--found and framed pics of my DH for our family/memory table--groom's cake--help to decorate and set up centerpieces the day ofMaybe your FMIL could assist with the wedding invitations too.

laladypoet

dude. fuuck her. you'll never make this miserable woman happy.

baystateapple

My FMIL is a little sad, too, because she has three sons and no daughters, so all of the "fun" planning is left up to us.  Both FI and her older son, my FBIL, are getting married next year, and she feels like she's left out of all the planning.  She also lives close to 150 miles away from me.I invited her to go dress shopping with me and my mom.  She almost cried, she was so happy.  We had a wonderful time and she was more excited than my mother was, I think.Maybe invite her to dinner with your parents while you're wedding planning?  Ask her specific things she'd like to be a part of?  You'll never know until you ask.

ZRex

Is she too annoying to take dress shopping with you...or would your mom be upset? I feel like that's an easy one (IF she isn't going to be a pain). I would probably make a list of things that you think it's acceptable to relinquish control over, and let her pick one of those. If you ask her "what would you like to help with?" and she picks something you don't want her help with, it might lead to more drama.

dianenjnj

she can write a nice check!..lol.