Is it bad ettiquette to invite all of one side of the family and not all of the other side?

LeaM1510

Hi everyone!I'm getting married in exactly 8 months, but having some doubts about the guest list. On the advice of my mom, my original list did not include any of my cousins from my dad's side of the family. At the time, my thinking was "I'm so close to all the cousins on my mom's side of the family, and I couldn't have a wedding without them, but I see my cousins on my dad's side once a year at best, and I hardly know them at all, so I'll just invite my uncles and aunts from that side and leave the cousins out." My mom was a big influence in this decision. She thinks I'm too sensitive about not wanting to offend others, and thinks there's no reason why I should include them. We rented a hall with a number on our guest list that didn't include the 21 first cousins on my dad's side, but I've been nagged by doubts that I'm making a mistake. This feeling has been heightened by my fiance's family insisting that cousins that my fiance doesn't even know he that he had should be invited. I'm respecting their wishes because it's important to them, but it made me think that probably I should place more importance on my other cousins too, even if I don't know them very well. My mom still insists I'm being too much of a 'people pleaser', but still I have doubts.I can understand my mom's rationale -- I grew up being best friends with almost all of my cousins on her side, and some of them are so close to both me and my fiance that a few of his groomsmen and best friends are my cousins from my mom's side. I know that if I'm not inviting the cousins from one side, I shouldn't be inviting cousins from the other side so that it doesn't seem like I'm playing favourites, but I can't imagine my day without my cousins from my mom's side... and this may sound mean, but since I hardly even know the cousins from my dad's side, I can imagine my day without them. I love them, but space at the reception hall is limited and I want those closest to us to be there. That said, I really don't want to offend my dad's side, and I can possibly invite them, although the hall would be at max capacity. What should I do?

*BeachBride0410*

Cliff's Notes: I'm close to my mom's side of the family but less close to my dad's.I know exactly what you are going through.  I am only really close with my grandmother and 1 cousin, because he lived with my grandmother.  My father though is also only close with those 2 people.  His family was never close with each other....I do think you need to discuss it with your father, and get his feelings on the issue

LeaM1510

Thanks so much for the opinions! I definitely want to get a chance to talk to my dad about it without my mom around. My parents are still together and happy, but my mom just doesn't understand what I'm concerned about in not including some of his side. This is pretty much the first issue where I've realized how stubborn my mom can be, since dad's usually the one with the opinions that she most often supports, and she's usually really easy-going. Maybe it's something about being mother of the bride, but she's unshaken on this issue, but my dad is strangely silent on it while she's there, so he probably does feel something different about the whole affair. Today being his birthday, I'll save him some stress and talk it over with him tomorrow.I'm leaning towards inviting them anyway. They all live in this area, so chances are they will show up if invited. We may not be close, but they will probably still come out of family ties, and I should probably invite them for the same reason. The only downside is that the extra 21 cousins (and those are only the first cousins, but I'll have to cut it off there) will mean that I may have to cut back on friends that I invite. It'll be difficult to leave some friends out in favour of a family I'm not that close to, but it may just come to that. In order to cut back on a few people, would it be rude to invite a few of my older single cousins without escorts as long as they're seated with others they'll know? If I invite them, I at least want to give them the gift of elbow room.