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Am I being dumb? Long

So FI is at a car show this weekend and its the biggest of the year, he goes every year. I normally really worry about him, I can't help it. For some reason, I have this horrible fear of him getting into a bad car accident. He lets me know every single night when he gets home from school/work. Well all I'm asking from him this weekend is to let me know when he changes locations. When he gets to the track, dinner, then the hotel. There is  a TON of drinking going on and I'm worried about a car accident (not from his drinking, he's not driving). He just wouldn't give me a yes or no answer and I had to ask like 4 times each time. I know I kept it up and I'm sure it annoyed him.So I did something really nice for him this morning (got up at 6 so I could get him so tickets he really wanted-didn't get them, so I ended up buying them from a friend for a ridiculous price). Then after a couple hours of not hearing from him, I was texted him and was like "I've never had such a hard time getting a yes or no from you". He was like "We're busy doing car guy stuff, sorry"How hard is it to send a 2 second txt to let me know he got to the track and he's safe? Especially after I got him those tickets (I really don't want to go to the event, I'm doing it for him). I don't care what he's doing, where he is, who he's with. All I want to know is that he's not smeared on the road from some stupid drunk driver. After that last message, I just told him not to worry, I wouldn't be bothering him anymore. (meaning, I wont be texting him agian until he gets home late tomorrow night). So just tell me I'm being dumb, I'm sure I am. But I can't help worrying, and he knows how I am.
"In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
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Re: Am I being dumb? Long

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    I think it's good to care about him, I just think your being kind of paranoid. I get like that for a hot second FI goes out, but then I remember that someone would call me ASAP if something happened. Just relax and know everything is ok, especially if you know he is ok.
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    Personally,  yes.  I can't help to think you are using the tickets as a way to force a line of communication.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    I guess I'm no help... I would be pisssed too! Maybe his friends / the guys he is with are total tools and he was putting on a "front" for them? ie: "I'm not checking in with her! Puuuucha!!!"
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    See, I always worry that someone won't call me. He's only there with one friend and if he's in the car with him, he wouldn't be able to call me. But I understand what you're saying. I would agree that I'm paranoid, but I don't know how to stop it. Its a miserable feeling. I didn't get the tickets so he would talk to me, I have been planning on getting them for awhile, they just went on sale this morning. I don't even want real communication. Just, I'm here. That's it. I don't expect to have a real conversation with him, I know he's hanging out with his friends. I just want 2 words from him.
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
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    I think you're being WAY paranoid...Well all I'm asking from him this weekend is to let me know when he changes locations^^ sounds like a parent.
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    That could be, but how would they know what he's doing? Besides, the guy he rode up with is engaged too. I imagine he's 'checking in' with her too.
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
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    I'm sorry but you sound like my ridiculous, paranoid coworker. I worry too but asking him to tell you everytime he changes locations? Try to not worry.
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    I agree with Jill too... I guess I skipped over that in the OP. I would get hot annoyed if I had to call and check in every time I changed locations.
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    ^^ sounds like a parent.Ugh, that hurts. But I see where you're coming from. I don't know why I worry this bad. It doesn't help that 2 nights ago I woke up absolutely hysterical from a dream that he had been killed in a car accident. I guess I was just already worried about this weekend and it got to me.
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
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    Well I don't want him to call, just to text. No one would know what he's doing. And its 2 words each text, 3 texts total all day.But I'm know you all are right. I'm not seeking validation. I just can't help but worry like this.
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
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    That's a very good point Mag. I never thought of that. I'm sure this is part of my issue right now; I don't have any friends availible right now. Everyone is sick, studying, or out of town. I'm really lonely and have been all week.
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
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    You can't seriously ask this guy to spend his life telling you whenever he changes locations or goes somewhere else.  You are being really paranoid and this will be very unhealthy in a marriage.  You need to find a way to get over this.
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    I just DH about this and he said he appreciates the worry, but he is an adult and does not need to check in with me 'every time he changes location'.   Meaning, he will call/text me when he is able to.   Personally I'm getting pretty fed up with everyone always being on their damm phones and text people when I'm in the their company.  It's like somehow the person sitting/standing in front of you is not good enough for you undivided attention.  I think it's the one thing I hate about techonogy.  15 years ago you would have sent him on his way and received a phone call when he got back to his room for the night.Just let him have fun and he will call you when he can.  I know when I'm with friends I lose track of time and checking in with my DH is not always in the front of my mind.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    I'm not like this when he's at home (he lives 2 hours away). I'm just this worried because of what's going on this weekend. Its a stupid drunk fest. I don't expect this in an every day situation.
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
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    I know he wouldn't get drunk and drive home, I just wonder about who else on the road didn't make that decision'Exactly my worry. And Lynda, I agree with the technology thing. But again, I don't want to 'talk' to him. Just 2 words. But you all are right, I don't really know how to get over this, but obviously I have to.
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
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    I guess I'll be the one who stands out in the crowd. I don't think you're being ridiculous--I often ask the same out of my FI when he's out of town, or somewhere that I'm not (especially when he's with friends). We have a relationship that kind of assumes there won't be someone with him that would call me if something happened to him, because they don't know he's with me. For instance, he's going to a bach party tonight--but not a single guy he will be with knows he's engaged. If he got into an accident, I'd have no way of knowing. That being said, he often checks in without my asking. I don't see this as "parenting" one another, but caring for one another. When parents ask of their childrens whereabouts, it's not because they want to stalk them (well...some do), but because they are concerned. Perhaps I am alone on this.
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    Being connected is wonderful, but I think it can make us VERY co-dependent.I totally agree with that. But when you grow up on it, how do you get away from it? When you've grown accustomed to something, its damn near impossible to give it up.
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
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    I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. I probably could have worded that a bit nicer though. What I'm getting at is that there will be plenty of other times throughout your relationship (business trips, etc) that you won't be in the same location. You cannot let worrying that something bad could happen consume you...you'll go crazy.
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    I think you're being a little unreasonable and paranoid.  I'd be annoyed if I was going out with my friends for the day and FI insisted I check in whenever we went somewhere new.
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    Well, we've already talked about this and I'm sorry you're still worried :(I know your dream really freaked you out, and of course he could take two seconds to send you a text, but he's being a guy and guys don't think like we do. I'm sure he's all, Why's she so paranoid and doesn't feel like bothering.He'll be home safe and sound, just come visit me!
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    And Lynda, I agree with the technology thing. But again, I don't want to 'talk' to him. Just 2 words. In my experience it's never 2 words.  I will get out my phone and text something.  They reply, I reply.  Then I notice someone else texted me and so the cycle goes. Yesterday I noticed a table full of people all texting.  So what the point of going out together?   You would actually 'talk' to them more if you were not with them because we tend to ignore those we are with and text those we are not with.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    That's exactly how I feel Rach. I just don't think its coming across that way. But it generally works for us. We always let each other know where we are. I don't mean when we go out to the grocery or something, but when we go 'out', we just let each other know that we're going out and promise to let the other know when we get home. And exactly like you said (although not to the same extent), who would know to call me?? My biggest paranoia is what if he's in a car accident by himself? The cops aren't going to call me, his mom is so ditzy, she wouldn't remember to call me. I would never know.
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
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    Yes, I think you're being ridiculous.  If something bad happened, you'd find out.  If nothing bad is happening, he should be off having fun, not calling his FI every two seconds.  And it does sound like you bought the tickets so you could hold them over him to get what you want ("Especially after I got him those tickets").  This is a you issue, not a him issue.
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    Over the top. I too worried about my DH every time he was gone and I didn't hear from him. But I had reason to. He is in the restaurant business and often left work in the middle of the night, walked home and often had a drink or two. He had an accident at work that put him in the hospital for most of the summer. I finally resolved my issue by making him carry in his wallet a note with my name, phone number, etc in case of emergency. I still worry, but at least I know someone will call me if he can't.
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    My biggest paranoia is what if he's in a car accident by himself? The cops aren't going to call me, his mom is so ditzy, she wouldn't remember to call me. I would never know.Tell him to list you in his phone twice--once as your normal name, and once under the name "Emergency Contact" or "ICE"--in case of emergency.Seriously, though, this does not seem like a healthy way for you to exist with all this anxiety.  If you haven't already, I would maybe think about talking to someone about it professionally.
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    I'd be annoyed if I was going out with my friends for the day and FI insisted I check in whenever we went somewhere newI don't think I'd be so freaked out if it were just a day. Its a 4 day event. And Lynda, I've seen that whole table thing. Its a weird phenomenon. But on my end, it really is 2 words. The couple times he has let me know, it was literally, "I'm here" and me, "ok, have fun". But you're right, I don't know who else he would be talking to other than me.
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
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    Guys, I think the point here is the nature of the this weeks trip. It's not the simple business trip, it's a weekend of full on partying and drinking, where more bad decisions are probably being made than would be on a business trip.I'm with Rach, I do often ask that FI checks in with me, especially when he was gone bullriding. I wanted him to let me know before he got on, when he got off, and when he made it back off.Also, I agree with lovethebeach about being the last one to know. Fi's friends are asshats who want him to hang out to his singlehood (he's the last one to get married) and they would never call me if something were to happen.
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    back home, not off.
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    I understand exactly where you are coming from--but, I worry about these things all the time--not just when he goes out of town. I worry about bad drivers on a daily basis--and who would think to let me know? I have a feeling this is part of the reason we do text one another...if for nothing else than the piece of mind. At the same time, it's really hard to admit out loud (to anyone but myself) that I have the ability to [i]get[/i] so paranoid sometimes. It makes me think there's something wrong with me....but, if I can be honest, I think a lot more people feel this way than will admit to it. So the eff what if you are having a boy's night out. If you haven't the decency to send a simple message that says, if nothing else, "I've made it to said location safe" then what they hell do you have a phone for anyways?
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    I did NOT buy the tickets to hold over his head. He is obsessed with my school's basketball team and this is a huge event. People camped out for days for it. He can't get them because he doesnt' go here, so I got them for him. It just happened that I got them in the middle of him being gone. But yea, it would be nice if he might be a little extra considerate today.I never did think about the ICE thing. I have my mom in there as that. I will ask him to do that, and it will probably put my mind at ease a little more. That's a great idea, thanks.
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
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