Groom's Father Died- Invitation wording (kinda long)

DeirdreAnne

Hi ladies, here goes nothing:We decided that we want both our parents on the invitation because they all contributed money.My mom wants to be written as "Mr. and Mrs. Kevin S."My FI's father died 5 years ago and FMIL still wants his name on the invitation.  Fine.  So, FMIL wants it to be"son of Hedwig B. and the late Harry J. B."  (No Mrs. or Mr.)  FMIL said that she researched it and found that this is still proper etiquette.My mom is insisting that everything be very "traditional" and is throwing a hissy fit that it's not proper to have Mr. and Mrs. for them and not anything for FI's parents.  She says that it indicates that they got divorced before he died. My mom thinks it's tacky to be worded without Mr. and Mrs. throughout.  Mom did try to compromise and say that we can order two different kinds of invitations with different wording. I told her that in my personal opinon, I could give a *%$ if people think that we're tacky based on words on a paper that will be thrown away anyway.  I still want my parents and his parents to be named on the invitation.  I'm not at all a pushy, bitchy bride, but it just drives me kinda of crazy that she is trying to be so proper about it.  It's like, "Mom, her husband is dead, can't we just write her name the way she wants???"So.... what is proper?  Opinions?  Thanks so much!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

So your FMIL is insistant that there be no Mr. and Mrs.? I might in this instance just say that your mother really would prefer it to match. If she refuses, do whatever you want.It would look a LITTLE weird, but I wouldn't judge you or think you were tacky for it. I would just assume everyone had their names written on the invitation how they wanted them to be written.

bbyckes

"Mom, her husband is dead, can't we just write her name the way she wants???"This. I don't know the specifics on the proper etiquette in this situation, but I'd probably be inclined to tell my mom to can it, as it's not that big of a deal.  Hope this all smooths over very quickly.

DeirdreAnne

Yeah, she is being pretty serious about not wanting "Mr." and "Mrs."   I agree with you about telling her, it's just already awkward since he's dead.  (Plus my mom already pissed his mom off a little by having my bridal shower a little bit far away... I know.. ridiculous!)  Again, in my head I just think "WHO CARES???"I'm glad you wouldn't judge me!!  Apparently my family may though (according to my mother!)  hahah... great, just send me a gift then and stay away from the "tacky" wedding, then! :P

redheadfsu

Two separate sets of invitations?  That's over kill If it matched it would be nicer, but I don't think anyone would think you are tacky. Remember to tell your mom she could always change how she wants her name written, if she cares so much. I'm on your side, her husband died so let her write it however it makes her comfortable.

redheadfsu

Just wanted to add I haven't heard the no titles= divorced. But that is just me.

banana468

So both sets of parents are HOSTING? This doesn't mean just that they are the ones paying but it can. IF your desire is to list all the parents as hosts rather than just somewhere on the invitation then your FI's father's name does not go on there while still remaining appropriate as the deceased cannot host events.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'm glad you wouldn't judge me!! Apparently my family may though (according to my mother!) hahah... great, just send me a gift then and stay away from the "tacky" wedding, then! :PIf your mom is anything like mine, she's the only one who will "judge" you and think it's tacky. My mom is really judgmental and overly concerned about coming off the wrong way to other people. No one else cares! Good luck.

DeirdreAnne

So both sets of parents are HOSTING? This doesn't mean just that they are the ones paying but it can.I wouldn't say his parents are hosting... I think that mine are and his mom just contributed money.  But we do want all of them listed on the invitation.Who would think something so dumb can be so annoying?

banana468

If you want to indicate that your parents are hosting but just your groom's parents' names then it would be: Mr and Mrs bride's parents request the pleasure of your company (or honor of your presence if the wedding is in a house of worship) at the marriage ceremony of Bride and Groom Son of Mrs Groom's Mom and the late Mr. Groom's Dad

DeirdreAnne

Banana, so you're saying that there needs to be Mr. and Mrs. for his parents definitely?If so, do you think I should bring it up to my FMIL or just drop it as, "she wants it that way".  Because now I have the weird situation of telling FMIL that she is wrong.

banana468

The formality in how the parents are named really should be consistent. If your parents are named with titles then your FI 's parents should be named with them as well. I'd advise FMIL that it may look borderline disrespectful or insulting to mix the formality.

JanoBean75

In Crane's Blue Book, they put a small cross (the same size as the text) next to the name of the deceased person.Mr. and Mrs. Bride's parentsrequest the honour of your presence/pleasure of your companyat the marriage of their daughterBridetoGroomson of Mrs. Groom's mom and Mr. Groom's father (little cross goes here)etc.

tenofcups4me

I would have absolutely no idea what a cross meant if I saw it on an invitation.

[Deleted User]

i think it's tacky (and insulting) to address a woman by her husband's first name. i would try to talk your mom out of this outdated, offensive practice.  i would cringe if i saw that on an invitation.

DeirdreAnne

Thank you for your advice!  I know what you mean about being addressed by husband's name (especially if he has pass on).  She is not going to be addressed by Mrs. H's First name, she'll be Mrs. Hedwig B. (Her first name).  The question is between the fact that my parents want Mr. and Mrs. titles and FMIL does not.  This bother my mom.I think I might just call her and tell her that it bothers my mom a lot.  Ugh.  Silly mothers. :P