Rehearsal dinner rules

[Deleted User]

**Sorry if this has been asked, haven't seen it before**FMIL visited this weekend, and declared that she will be paying for our rehearsal dinner (we are paying for the wedding ourselves). We weren't planning to have one and told her as much. With a small wedding, we didn't think it was necessary, and we wanted to put our limited budget to making the wedding as amazing as we could, rather than splitting the $$ among two events. Anyway, FMIL was surprisingly emotional about the rehearsal dinner and said that not having one would be rude. Ultimately, I guess we won't fight her about it. But is it really rude not to have one? Also, what are our planning responsibilities if we do it? Is it like a shower where she hosts and we just show up? Or do we have to plan it as well? Thank you!

[Deleted User]

it's rude not to have one if you're having a rehearsal. otherwise, it's not.

ExpatPumpkin

If you're having a rehearsal, you should feed your bridal party... In any event, it's really nice to have one, especially if you have OOT guests. I'd do it if I were you

lpstl

I don't know that it's rude not to have one, but if you are having a rehearsal it's very odd not to do something with your wedding party & family afterwards. People expect that there will be some sort of dinner, lunch, whatever after the rehearsal. It doesn't have to be fancy, she could just host a meal at her house, or she could go all out and have it at a restaurant or banquet hall.If she wants to host all you should need to do is give her the guestlist and timeline for the rehearsal. Make sure to include S.O.s of anyone in the wedding.

ootmother2

Daff is 100% on.  If you have a rehearsal, you provide food for them.It's her call  if she is hosting it and I think it would be rude to ask her for the money to be used for the wedding.

ExpatPumpkin

Oh, as far as your planning responsibilities, you can let FMIL take care of everything. It will most likely be a dinner at a restaurant or maybe at her house. Your job is to show up, have a nice time with your guests, and thank everyone for their support, coming to your wedding, etc.

agirlcalledchuck

if you're having a rehearsal, then yeah, you want to do a rehearsal dinner - it can be something simple like a backyard barbecue, or something extravagant, depending on what you want and can handle budget wise - the rehearsal dinner, from my point of view anyway, is sort of a "thank you" to your bridal party and to the people who have worked really hard to help you make your day special - the ones that i've been involved in have also been where the majority of the toasting was done (although i know a lot of people do this at the actual reception) and where gifts to the bridal party (and parents, if you do that) were given - if your FMIL wants to do it, by all means let her, as long as you guys are comfortable with it. traditionally the parents of the groom host it anyway, so she's probably just trying to keep with the tradition that she knows. if you guys dont feel comfortable with her paying for it, but she still insists on it being done, maybe you can compromise and host it together and just do what you can with fitting it into your budget - If she hosts it, then i'm sure she will ask for your input or opinions, but ultimately she will get the final say on most of the planning, and your job is to just be there and enjoy. my in-laws haven't offered to do anything for the wedding, so my parents are hosting the rehearsal dinner and ours is a simple day at a minor league baseball game - we rented one of the party suites in the stadium, and we are just having a very casual, baseball themed menu - the rehearsal dinner can truly be anything you want it to be.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

If she's really adamant about it, just graciously accept. If she's hosting, she'll pay for it. That's how you get around that. If you said, "I really don't think we'll have the money, after spending it on the reception, to host an RD." And she said she'd take of it, you're golden. If she insists you need to have one but doesn't offer to pay, and you don't want a rehersal, then don't do it.

Leah&Christian09

Like others said, if you're doing a rehearsal, you need to have a rehearsal dinner. If you're skipping the rehearsal, it isn't necessary. As far as planning, ask her what she wants. If she asks you to help plan it, you should. If she wants to plan it without you, let her go nuts.

[Deleted User]

Thanks girls - very helpful advice as always!

Kristin789

>>But is it really rude not to have one? Yes. If you don't have one, it sends the message that the groom's family does not approve of the marriage. >>Also, what are our planning responsibilities if we do it? Is it like a shower where she hosts and we just show up? Yes. This is the only thing that the groom's parents get to host in a whole weekend of wedding stuff, and the groom's parents usually take this very seriously - as you know because of the passionate way that your own FMIL embraced this event she'll host to show that she DOES support your marriage and that she DOES love her son and the woman he's chosen.