Wedding Etiquette Forum

Is This A Hint?

Hi everyone! I'm having a hard time figuring out what to do with this situation, and was hoping someone would have a suggestion of what I should do. Here is the background: My parents have family friends who I feel close to as well (Janie and Ken). Our families had been friends since my childhood, yet around the time I started middle school our families had a falling out (I'm still not exactly sure why), Janie and Ken moved and we didn't see or talk to them for a long time. About 2 years ago my mom reached out to Janie and long story short since then our families have been spending time together again. At just the time we reconnected their daughter Amanda, who is my age, got married; even though we hadn't seen eachother in years, we still went to her wedding, bridal shower, the whole nine yards. Now I'm the one getting married, and I was really looking forward to having Janie, Ken and Amanda being a part of this exciting time. But over the past several months, Janie and Ken haven't answered my parents phone calls...basically stopped hanging out with my parents again. I still wanted to include them in my day, even if it made my mom a little I sent Janie and Amanda invites for my bridal shower. Both of them RSVP'd no and gave different excuses...Janie told my sister (who hosted the shower) that she would send a gift but none was ever sent. I didn't get a card or a phone call or a text or anything from Janie or Amanda...not a sorry or congrats or anything. It's not about a gift, I could care less about that...but I thought even if they couldn't make it to the shower they would have attempted to acknowledge feelings are hurt and my mom is angry; my parents can't think of a reason why Janie and Ken would be mad with our family and I'm kinda stuck in the middle. My question is whether or not I should even bother sending them an invite to the wedding. It seems like to me they are making it obvious they don't want to be friends with my parents or me anymore, but maybe I'm being too sensitive? Was this their nice way of saying "thanks but no thanks"? What does etiquette say to do? I have always enjoyed their company but I'm confused with how they are acting. And if they obviously don't want to be a part of this day with me I'd rather send my few invites to someone who really wants to be there. Thanks for helping me out :-/

Re: Is This A Hint?

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    although they should technically be invited since they were invited to the shower, if they wont even return your calls i really wouldnt bother.
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    I sent Janie and Amanda invites for my bridal shower.Why are you planning your own bridal shower?My question is whether or not I should even bother sending them an invite to the wedding.Yes.  Otherwise you look like a brat for inviting them to the shower without inviting them to a wedding.  If they don't want to come, they won't.  You're being too sensitive.  All this "I don't think they want to be friends with me!!!1!" BS sounds like fourth graders fighting.For all you know, Janie and Ken are busy lately, or low on cash, and that's why they haven't been "hanging out" with your parents as much.
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    While your feelings may have been hurt, guests are not required to give a follow up call/card/text after your shower if they rsvp no. They owe you no explanation or apology. Thats just silly.
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    If you want them to come, send them an invite. If they don't want to come, or can't for some reason, then they will send their regrets. If you don't invite them to the wedding because they didnt attend the shower, then it looks like you are making a shower gif be the price of attending your wedding. Perhaps they had other plans. Since you don't know the circumstances regarding the falling out, and your parents are being tight lipped about it, perhaps something else came up between them and they just dont want to tell you. I say invite whoever YOU want to be there. If you feel you are close to them and want them to share in the special day, then send them an invitation. The worst they can say is no.
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    They both acknowledged the invite to the shower and RSVP'd no, so I'd say you have to follow through with an invite to the wedding.
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    thanks everyone for the suggestions, i guess i am just thinking too much into things...and i mistyped sister still sent them invites because she did my whole shower...i didn't plan it! it was a surprise :) i'll still send them invites to the wedding and if they don't want to come they can just say no again. i guess i was just thinking that if it was me and i wasn't able to go to someone's shower and i didn't have the extra cash to send a gift, i would have sent a little card or even a facebook message letting them know i was thinking about them after the shower was over so i wouldn't ruin a surprise...Ms. Janie has always sent me little notes or emails, etc and her sudden change in behavior just sent me for a loop. thanks again ladies...good luck with your own planning :)
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    I suppose etiquette says that since you invited them to the shower, they should be invited to the wedding.  However, it seems like you've already made up your personal feelings based on the I'd rather send my few invites to someone who really wants to be there. So, just send an invite and if they come, set the past aside and be happy good friends will be there.  If they don't, I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about it.  It sounds like whatever rift occurred had nothing to do with you, and more the dynamic between your parents and Janie/Ken. 
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    I would invite them, but don't be surprised if they RSVP 'no'.  People move on, move apart, etc. and it appears this is what has happened.  Might be time to let go.
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    invite them.  sometimes things happen in people's lives that you know nothing about...they might just be going through some stuff right now.although, i do understand what you are feeling right now it's best to just put it aside and enjoy your wedding no matter what!
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