Not feeling the wedding love (kind of long)

kschwedic

I'm in a slump.  I've been anti-wedding for about a week or so, and it's just getting worse.  And I talked to FI today at lunch, and he definitely didn't help. FMIL is basically paying for the wedding (apart from dresses, tuxes).  I'm really thankful for this because FI and I are saving to move by August and my parents are unable to contribute a whole lot because my dad has been laid off from his job.  FMIL has no problem paying, and she isn't all momzilla by telling us we'll have it the exact way she wants it--we get to have the major input.  But I really don't want her to pay for EVERYthing, ya know? Well, Josh (FI) has it set up for tux fitting this Saturday, and only my dad and his nephew will be able to make it--everyone else has other plans or are giving him the cold shoulder for some odd reason.  This has Josh upset because a) he's not super stoked about this big wedding we're having (which neither of us really wanted to begin with, but FMIL did and she's paying...) and b) he feels like his friends don't give a crap about him right now.  So he is ready for everything to just be over with and his sour attitude is only contributing to mine. Any advice?

gkb0910

I'm sorry that more people aren't available, but how much notice did Josh give them?  Personally, I'm booked almost every weekend til the end of the year. Also, I'm not sure why all the guys need to go together.  FI and I went and picked out the tux and then FI emailed all the guys the information.  They had a month to go get measured and all went at different times.  Some didn't even go to that store.

ac_in_dc

Your feelings are pretty common and natural. They happen to a lot of folks at the 3 month out mark (or close to that) regardless of who is paying. Try to focus on the fact that you'll be married at the end of it, maybe you & FI can take some time to talk about this...or even do some kind of counseling or dorky couples retreat or something if you want...then you be thinking about your commitment and not the wedding, which isn't all that important anyway. Another thought would be to see if there are any little pieces of the wedding you'd like to plan/control...maybe this would give you a bigger sense of ownership. You could even offer to pay for these pieces, explaining to FMIL that you want to engage more in the wedding and you think this will help. Good luck!

danieliza1127

Well, it sounds like normal guys to me.  I mean, I had to force my H and his guys to get their tux measurement about 3 weeks before the wedding.  They just kept putting it off and putting it off.  Tux fittings for the guys is not like dress shopping for the girls.  It's just not as important, not a big deal.  The tux shop doesn't even need measurements until 2 weeks before the wedding (at least Men's Wearhouse anyway).  So all that said, if this is the only thing making him feel bad about his friends right now, remind him that it's not that big a deal and guys just don't see this stuff as that important.  If there are other factors adding to how he feels, encourage him to talk about it.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Just breathe. Remember that it doesn't really matter what your wedding is like as long as you're married. And at least you aren't wasting a ton of money on it. When FMIL tells you she wants something a certain way, just close your eyes, calm down, and let her have it. Remember that it really won't matter!

kschwedic

We aren't saying the guys all have to go together--we knew that a few of them would be unavailable due to work schedules.I think we're just stressed that we are so close but have many details to deal with, and we're also busy with school.  I've had this grumpy attitude before and come right out of it, so I'm just waiting for that to happen

baystateapple

I'm almost a year out, and I get that way every so often...the worst time was about a month ago.  Mainly because my family is SO EXCITED about it, and FI's family is not as excited about it (because his older brother is getting married two months before we are), so I'm constantly afraid of stepping on toes.The thing that made me feel better (although I'm way further out from you, so I know you're really busy right now and I so wasn't) was throwing all of my "wedding stuff" (all the books my mom gave me, magazines, and my binder of stuff from our reception site) and tossed it under the spare bed in my apartment, and just told FI and my family members that I didn't want to talk wedding for a while.  I took some time for other stuff that I enjoy, like knitting, hiking, and just spending time with my FI not talking about anything wedding-related.  And I came away from it feeling much better.My advice, for what it's worth, would to be to spend some time with FI doing NO wedding stuff.  And also to let him know that guys rarely get their rears in gear regarding weddings, especially if the wedding's not theirs.  None of my FI's friends have talked to us regarding the wedding (and yes I know we're a year out, but I don't expect it to change much, either).

gkb0910

The nice thing about all tux shops is that a guy can walk into one anywhere and get his measurements done.  Then he can call them into the place you are renting them from.  Guys just aren't as into the wedding in general.  Our place told us to have the sizes in a month before hand.  You've got time, so I'd imagine the guys don't see it as a big priority right now. Also, pick something smaller and work on that with your FI.  Make that part of your wedding really yours (table numbers, aisle runner, programs, etc).  If you work on something together, it might perk up both of your wedding attitudes.

kschwedic

Thanks ladies We've had a couple weekends this month of Non-Wedding, but they were focused on school work so I don't that really helped us! We haven't really been on a real date just the two of us in a while, so I may have to suggest that. I think right now we just wish we could get all of our money back and fly to the beach haha.  But I know in the end, the details won't matter.

nicoleabrock

My advice to you is this:  Accept that your wedding is not going to be just for you and your FI.  It is really for your whole family and his.  The honeymoon is all yours.  I find that I am more motivated to do things for the people I love than to do something for myself so this helped get me through the times I was over the whole wedding thing.  I promise you won't feel like this the week of.. you will be so excited to see your family and friends and celebrate with them.

jennandnickgetmarried

The way you are feeling is totally natural, especially considering that a big wedding wasn't your first choice.  DH and I originally talked about eloping before we got engaged, but based on what we knew my family would want (I'm an only child, for example), and the fact we knew we'd regret not having a bigger affair, we opted for the fancier wedding.  And it all snowballed, my mom went BSC with me on the phone pretty much every night for 10 months, people became really annoying and obnoxious, everyone kept trying to invite other people, etc etc.  We were ready to go to the courthouse around the three month mark.Just keep telling yourself that when the day is over, and you look back on how wonderful it all was, none of that little stuff will matter.  I look back on half the crap that was such a big deal to me a couple months ago (for example: people not getting their tuxes until the last minute) and realized that stuff didn't matter.  It all got done, they showed up, and they've been singing the praises of our wedding ever since.It all works out

kschwedic

Jenn-I so want to go to the courthouse right now! But, I'm not going to do that because I know I'm just wearing my feelings on my sleeve and letting too many of the little things bother me.