Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR: need opinions

Back Story: My sis is 13 years older than me, we havent ever gotten along for many reasons its honestly a 50/50 blame fight we were both in the wrong throughout the years.My Dad passed away oct 25,2008 leading to my Mom moving in with FI and I. Mary (my sis) moved to alaska in 2002 and never visited. When my Mom called her to tell her my Dad has stage 4 lung cancer Marys only responce was "Mom its 7am can I call you later". In the 7 months my Dad was sick she never called to check on him or Mom. In the year since he's passed she has called twice to talk to Mom. Mary moved back to Michigan last sat. Mom cooked a giant dinner for sunday after inviting them saturday and them accepting. Mom spent over $150 and literally all day sat/sun cleaning and cooking. Sunday 5pm comes around and the rest of my sisters show up without Mary and her 16 year old daughter Tiffany. Apparently they had all known all day sunday Mary and Tiff werent coming. Mary was mad Mom moved in with FI and I and didnt rent an apt with her instead. Now my Dad's 1 year anniv of being gone is next sun and Mom wants a quite dinner without drama. So she told me to plan it. Am I wrong that I want to invite all of my sisters without inviting Mary and Tiff because Im worried it will hurt my Mom on a already horrible day for her if they chose to just no show like last week. Mary is a 40 year old drama queen who literally starts fights and if you argue back she runs out of the house crying and swearing you will never see her or her daughter again. I dont want my Mom to deal with any of this or worry about it on her day shes dreading already so much.

Re: NWR: need opinions

  • Be the bigger person and invite your sister. If she chooses not to come, that is on her. Even if she did let your mother down, I think you're rationalising more for your comfort than hers as I'm sure that on a day of such significance, she'll want all of her children around- even those who might not have been so thoughtful of late.
  • Sorry to hear about your Dad :(.  I wouldn't invite her.  She sounds like she causes drama and causes your mom pain.  The last thing your mom needs on that day is more pain.  She's had a long time to act like a good daughter/sister so for me it would just be too late.  Good luck.
  • I wouldn't invite Mary.  But that carries certain consequences.  Mary might find out.  She doesn't sound like the sort of girl that would take well to that.  But for your mom's sake, I wouldn't invite her.
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  • I had thought about inviting her but I asked my Mom and she didnt want her there to begin with, but then she felt like she "had" to so she wouldnt hurt Mary's feelings and so she then cancelled dinner all together so avoid it. So I asked if I could just take her and she said ok, thats when I wanted to invite my other sisters because I thought it would help her feel better having them there but again I felt torn about Mary. Overall my Mom was dreading mary moving back and actually offered to give her the money to go back to alaska on sunday when the origial dinner drama started.    
  • Invite her, but don't tell your mother. That way it will be a (hopefully) lovely surprise if she comes and your mom won't be disappointed if she blows it off again.
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  • I would personally ask your mum again given the new plan, if that's the case. If she doesn't want her there, don't invite her.
  • What are the chances of Mary not showing up again?I understand the want for less drama, but it's going to be a sh*tty day regardless, so it might be wise to just invite her and if she causes drama take your mom and leave.
  • ok, thank you ladies. I guess I will tell Mom my plan and see what she wants. If she says she still doesnt want her to be invited but feels obligated then I wont invite her and Ill take the blame so Mom doesnt get yelled at by Mary.
  • If your mother said don't invite her, then don't.  This isn't about Mary; it's about your mom.Plan another separate event for you guys to mend fences.  Don't use this day.
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