Disappointed

Gwenosaurus

This is really more of a vent than a question.My best friend maid of honor will probably not be able to make it to the wedding.  She is trying to study abroad in China, and the program she wants to get into is during our wedding.She took Chinese in high school got really interested in Chinese culture, and I know she has always wanted to go there.  I told her that this opportunity is more important than my wedding and she should go for it.  I feel like I handled it well, but I still feel like she has one opportunity to be at my wedding but she could always teach English in China after she graduates.  I would never say this to her, but I'm still really bummed out. FI was supportive and offered to punch her in the face for me, but I declined.Has anyone gone through something similar?

mandysmear

I'd be hurt too.  If it was my sister than I'd be pissed, but a friend?  Sometimes they live their lives for themselves.  So, I would be happy for her!!  But, in the beginning I'd be upset/hurt.  I wouldnt let her know I felt that way though.

goheels05

Yeah, that's a major bummer.  Keep trying to be happy for her, is the best I can tell you.My MOH almost got deployed right before my wedding.  It's not even like she was going to go do something awesome and fun that she's always wanted to do (not that it's not awesome that she serves our country, but you know what I mean).  We didn't know for sure until 4 days before my wedding that she was going to be able to come.

MeaghanandMichael

Well the punching her in the face comment kinda annoyed me, but other than that, yes. H's long time friend was in the exact same situation in Korea. Another friend was in the Sudan. We were kind of bummed of course, but in the long run we are so happy for and proud of both of them. They were just as bummed as well. No need to make anyone feel worse for something that is so complicated.

ac_in_dc

Years ago I had to leave for Peace Corps on the day of one of my best friend's weddings. It was non-negotiable (the departure date). I felt awful about it...I was totally bummed and still do regret missing it. Some things can't be helped though.I can understand being disappointed. But I don't think it's completely rational to think that she can "always teach english in china after she graduates"...studying abroad is a totally different kind of opportunity than this.

cengle

I would be upset too, and I think you have every right to be disappointed.  But it's nice that you are supportive of her.  It IS a great opportunity, but yeah, I'd be sad too.  I'm sure she's probably disappointed as well.

atobias1

Not for my wedding but I am sure everyone has had a situation that was amazing for a friend, yet not so great for us. You did the right thing by letting her go guilt free. I know is sucks for you, but this is what being a friend is all about. Your day will be awsome, try to focus on that.

atobias1

and before anyone jumps on me I should clarify I include your fi when I say "your day".

Gwenosaurus

I would never tell her how I felt.  She actually asked if we could change the date, but we already booked the church and the reception hall, so that's not an option.Sorry about the punching her in the face comment.  FI was joking.  He would never punch anyone.

goheels05

When I studied abroad in Denmark, one of our classmates went home to the US 3 times.  Two times were for weddings (one was her brother), and the other time was a funeral. 

salt78

I don't know. This seems like a really big opportunity for her. I wouldn't give it another thought. My best friend/MOH might not make it to my wedding. We are getting married out of the country though, so I set myself up for people not being able to come. I'm not upset about it.

Gwenosaurus

Also, I totally get that studying abroad and teaching English are two different things.  From our conversation last night it seemed like she wasn't even sure about doing this program because she wanted to take classes over the summer, but she didn't think she could go to China after she graduated.  A friend of ours from high school got a Fulbright Scholarship to go to China right after she graduated, so I told this friend to get in touch with her about the experience.

ExpatPumpkin

I know it's hard to accept her not being there, but your wedding is one day. And China would be for at least a semester, I assume. Studying abroad was one the best life experiences I ever had, so I'd tell her to choose that over your wedding. Sorry I had a BM back out less than a week before the wedding because she couldn't travel due to complications with her pregnancy. That was a major bummer, and I missed her being there... It also happened to kind of be a financial hit because I bought the BM dresses and cashmere shawls. So I spent $450 on her and she couldn't make it

Gwenosaurus

Thanks everyone.  I am definitely happy for her, and I would never tell her not to do it.  I sometimes wish I had studied abroad as well, so I understand and would probably miss a friend's wedding if I had been in her position. I'm not mad at her, and I told her that last night.I'm really glad she told me about this now.  I could see her waiting until the last minute to actually make a decision about this.

ExpatPumpkin

I think you're being a good friend for not making her feel guilty... Maybe she'll bring you something really cool back from China

katiewhompus

One of our groomsmen (dh's cousin) called my sil to back out 2 weeks before the wedding. It happens, it does suck though.

jforeman5

I usually just lurk here these days...I had a similar situation with one of my BMs. She is a makeup artist and one of her biggest contacts in the fashion industry wanted her to do a show for him the day of our wedding. She asked me if I would mind if she went for a few hours and I said no, go for it! She went during dinner and never returned. Her poor DH was alone the whole night and I really missed having her there. I was hurt, but at the same time, I realize that these things happen when you have ambitious friends with promising careers. I still feel pretty sad about it, but I am also happy for her that she is living her dream, ya know?I think you handled it exactly the right way. You will definitely miss her if she is not there, but at the same time your friend is living her dream, which is a pretty good pay off.

TnJBonnell

You handled it very well! It must be so hard. I'm so sorry your going through this. I would feel so horrible as well. I'm nervous about my MOH not being able to come too. I told her I would pay for her plane ticket, and that she better come!! LoL. She lives in FL and I live in NM. Money is very tight, no job. It sux.Well anyway, just try to keep positive. Maybe she'll change her mind, maybe not, but just keep postive.GL