Uggh FFIL upset about our guest list cuts

TheFutureMrsM-LoungingBeachside

So FFIL is not happy with our guest list cuts.  We had to make cuts for budget reasons.  FI made the cuts from his side....and FFIL is really angry.  He told FI that he should have not cut certain people because they were people that were likely to come- but they are also people that FI felt no connection to, has not seen in quite a long time.  FFIL hung up on him after yelling.  And telling him we better invite those people because FFIL had already told them the date/info/and they had marked it on their calendars and were planning on attending.

alixzafiris

Tell him if he wants them to come, he can pay for them himself.Andplusalso, could your screen name be any longer? Holy cow.

Sooles

hate to break it to FIL but if hes not paying, then its not up to him, and hes the one who should tell these people he was mistaken. im sure in 8 months they will have enough time to make alternate plans for that day.

thesuninherhead

If they're not paying, they shouldn't have been going around announcing the date etc to people who you may or may not invite.

TheFutureMrsM-LoungingBeachside

We're not giving him the option of paying for them himself.  He's already trying to exert too much control- and if he is then paying for some people then I know he'll use the "I paid, I get some say" line.And yeah, its long.  I'm too lazy to create a new account with a shorter name.

Hello Sunshine

It's pretty early for FFIL to be verbally inviting people... My parents did the same thing, and did end up paying for one couple to attend because Mom opened her mouth when she shouldn't have.

TheFutureMrsM-LoungingBeachside

If they're not paying, they shouldn't have been going around announcing the date etc to people who you may or may not invite.I wish this logic sunk in on him.  Apparently when we asked for the guest list for FI's sibling's weddings so that we could get started on ours FFIL assumed this meant everyone on the prior lists would be invited.

banana468

This is where FI gets to say, "Dad, it's unfortunate that you spoke out of turn but you'll have to tell those people that unfortunately they aren't going to be invited."I deal with this in my own life but I don't understand why grown adults think that they can be bullies to their children - and then wonder why their children don't have much of a desire to be with them.

thesuninherhead

Well, I guess he's just going to have to get used to the idea that they're not. Honestly, at the end of the day if you're not even close to these people, most of them 1) won't remember what was said by FFIL around the date etc anyway, 2) won't be rude enough to ask about an invite and 3) won't be horrified that they didn't get one if they realise they've gone out.

stina93446

In the beginning, my dad was verbally inviting people because he was excited. Both parents were telling people they were sure to get an invite. wasn't it a wonderful feeling they had when I told them that their friends were not invited and that I was not going to be the one to tell them. Let FFIL have his pouting fit. Doesn't change the fact that those people that your FI has never met aren't invited. Stand your ground and have FI tell him that he was out of line.

isnatural4me

devil's advocate....perhaps FFIL is onto something. if those people are "definitely" going to come, let em come (on his $). It's worth considering who will actually show up vs. those who may pull a no show when you have to make cuts. P.s. i don't actually know if i would do this, but it crossed my mind and i thought i'd throw it out there.

TheFutureMrsM-LoungingBeachside

devil's advocate....perhaps FFIL is onto something. if those people are "definitely" going to come, let em come (on his $). It's worth considering who will actually show up vs. those who may pull a no show when you have to make cuts. Well its funny like that- he just responded to FI's email from last night with suggestions of how to pare down our guest list.  And the only people he is suggesting we take off are his ex-wife's family and friends.  (I was rolling my eyes over that one)He also asked us to send us the list of our friends that are invited so he can help us make cuts on that as well.  No thanks.  I know exactly what those cuts are going to be.  He feels that anyone who is not married or engaged should not get a +1 (we have anyone single with a guest).

banana468

Can you B list a group of his friends such that if you get a certain # of declines (or people attending single w/o a guest) that then those on the chopping block can be invited?