When do you just say forget it and go to City Hall?

miaokitty

My fiance and I were planning on paying for our own wedding.  I guess we really had no idea what we were getting into; we just got quotes back from our prospective venues, and even the cheapest one will be a stretch for us.We *could* probably manage to pay for some kind of wedding there, but what I'm wondering is where is the point where it's not worth it?  That is, cutting back on the easy stuff (wearing a relative's gown, cheapie invites, decorating myself, unfancy cake, etc) will probably not be enough.  We would also be looking at not-so-nice food, minimal drinks, no dancing - essentially cutting out most of what makes the party enjoyable for our guests.Changing the date is not really an option as we have to work around other family weddings... postponing would mean marrying almost two years later, and at that point I think I would rather just go to City Hall.  I guess my dilemma is whether it would be worse to invite everyone to a bare-bones wedding (and several would be traveling a long way), or to risk everyone feeling excluded by just doing it civilly ourselves. *sigh*  Any advice is appreciated.

tlv204

Honestly I think you and your fiance will have to decide that for yourselves.  I know that I personally would prefer to have more people there and cut back elsewhere, but I know a lot of people who would rather go to the courthouse and have a nice dinner with immediate family afterward.  I guess you'll just have to weigh pros and cons for you and your families.  Maybe actually write out a list of benefits/negatives? That might help.

lauralaur

What about cutting out the venue altogether? Do you know anyone with a nice house or backyard that you would feel comfortable asking? Maybe one of your parents? Someone posted a blog once of a wedding that was held in the bride and groom's backyard. They had picnic tables with nice tablecloths, fresh limes and lemons as the centerpieces, and strung some white lights from the house to the garage, among other things, and it was beautiful. I wish I knew where to find it. Not expensive at all but looked absolutely wonderful.

Lizzie012

I'm not sure what your budget is, but one thing you could look into is elopement packages at nicer venues. A lot of hotels and bed and breakfast-type places offer packages for around 3k that include the ceremony, officiant, bouquet for the bride and cake (or some variation). They usually can accomodate a very small number of guests, and it really cuts down on the costs. That way you can invite the people most important to you, and then maybe have an informal party or barbecue later to include all the rest of your friends. Here's an example: http://www.madronamanor.com/elope.htm. Good luck!

Mrs.C-To-Be

From what I hear, guest list is where most the costs come in.  Is there no way to have a smaller wedding with just immediate family and still be able to afford some of the things you really want?Although, if a big-to-do wedding isn't something important to you and your FI, then it really is your call if you want to city hall it. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It depends on how much you want a big wedding. If you would be 100% satisfied saving the money and JOPing it, then do it. Personally, I'd wait 2 years and save the money but that's just me. To many, many people it wouldn't be worth it.Have you considered paring down the guest list and hosting something at a restaurant? Doing a destination wedding? Having it at a parents' home or your own house? Weddings are enjoyable because your family and friends get to come, mingle, witness a very important moment in your life and congratulate you. Not because people ooh and ahh over all the money you spent on flowers. FWIW, I've been to very cheap weddings. AND I came in from out of town. And I still had a great time.

lauralaur

I FOUND IT! http://www.younghouselove.com/wedding-album/

AprylM

How much is your budget? DO you anyone with a lovely back yard. You could do a afternoon wedding with finger food, its makes a nice relaxed affair.hire some seating and maybe a gazebo. Pop some of your favourite music on cds to play, get a cake from a bakery, they make lovely cakes that dont have to be a wedding cake as such. buy a gorgeous dress in the next summer sale that would suit a garden wedding. DO you won hair and makeup - you do it everyday? or maybe you have a talentedfriend. Have one bridesmaid and groomsman wear something smart they already own.You could have friends ake pics of the reception and/or hire a photographer for the family/bride/groom pics. Buy bunches of flowers from a florist already made up. It could be a beautiful day. Just a thought and doesnt have to cost alot.

AprylM

Excuse my spelling LOL - im really tired!

lauralaur

Dangit! Take the out of the link. I dont' know why all of a sudden every link I post has that in it.

SarahSmile23

you have 144 days to go. can you and your FI pick up part time jobs to help earn more money? my husband and i did that and were able to afford the reception we wanted to provide for our friends and families. good luck!

redheadfsu

Yeah weddings are way more expensive then most people think. You need to figure out what is important for you. Venue, number of people, etc. To cut costs: 1. Look for a free park, beach, friend's house, etc.2. Cheap buffet like BBQ 3. do mid-morning instead of night. (Brunch weddings are cheaper)4. Ask family & friends to provide drinks, food or entertainment.5. or just a small DW (there are cheaper packages like pp linked)

ac_in_dc

Hmm...so you're looking at march in boston based on your bio, so it's definitely indoors. That makes it a little bit tougher. DH and I seriously considered getting a cheaply catered bbq at a picnic shelter out on the water...that plan fell through and we went a more traditional route. But you could definitely do something low key in a community center with burgers & hot dogs, would be particularly fun if you postpone it to summertime. Or you could try to do a nice restaurant meal with 30-40 people after a city hall wedding. Your parents could still be there. It really depends on your family/friends situation. A couple of folks on here did nice city hall weddings.

ac_in_dc

yeah, sunday brunch might be nice...and way cheaper than a saturday night venue...only problem is if you're looking at a traditional church they may not want to do the ceremony then.

sucrets4

How cheap are the venues that you're talking about?You could rent out a VFW or other town hall type of place for pretty cheap and still feed and accommodate all of your guests.  Well, I guess it really depends on what your budget is...which we don't know since you posted and ran.

irshis20

It usually costs more to rent a venue that does its own catering. That's what I found, anyway. Can you look for a community center or historical building that lets you bring in a caterer? An off-site caterer will probably save you a bundle.

[Deleted User]

You could get married by the justic of the peace now and then have a renewal of vows/reception in 2 years. If you save $200 a month that is almost $5k more!

louisvillebride21

I'm not sure what your budget is, but we're spending about 6,000 on ours and we've cut a lot out and my Fi is thrilled with it. We're doing family only 40-50 people, free church, 'reception' at a restaurant's private room (they do all the decorating, setting up and down and all the catering), iPod reception, very minimal flowers, only one attendant each, and we found a great deal on the cake. My biggest splurge was my dress. I'm also DIYing all of our paper products.

tlv204

I would not recommend HDLady's advice. While loads of people are ok with it and lots do it, lots of people also look down upon it (myself included) and think of it as more of a "you need to pick one or the other, you don't get both" thing.  Again not everyone thinks this way, but I wouldn't want to risk offending my guests who might be upset that they didn't get to see the real wedding.

miaokitty

Sorry, I realize I left a lot out... as you can probably guess I am in a bit of a panic at the moment. The guest list is already pretty small - maximum is 40, we are somewhere around 32 now. We realize that we did not leave much time to plan, but until just this week I don't think we had a good idea what the scope of the event would involve. I think we are also frustrated because we are NOT big huge party people, and don't have any "dream wedding" ideas really, and we were just not expecting the basics to be so much. The front page has a bunch of $10,000 budget weddings... that would be a real hardship for us. Part time job... I might be able to, I work nights so I have time during the day. My fiance is still in school so I would not ask him to do that. Venue... there is a meeting space that is telling us $250 for the day, but we would need to rent tables and chairs and everything. We could possible rent the town hall (very small town) $40 per hour with reasonable rates for tables etc. The problem is really more the food/entertainment/bar. One hotel that we looked at, does the food etc there, but wants a $2500 check for the deposit, essentially right away as we are so close. I don't know how we would do that. We didn't really think of restaurants as we are rather outside of Boston and choice is limited, but there are a few places that might do an event like this we could look at. So, yes, definitey in panic-mode at the moment, I apologize for just throwing all that out there with little explanation! But I really wonder if we can afford a wedding. I want to have one but I don't know that it's worth spending so much money on that might be better spent elsewhere. I don't want to offend my family by eloping/going City Hall - if I had tens of thousands to spend I would love to have a wedding with everyone there - we just don't have it. But thanks for listening and for all of the suggestions... we will sit down and try to have a nonpanicked look at this and decide what we can really do.

katiewhompus

If you want I would say just go with a City Hall wedding and then invite everyone to a nice dinner afterward. You could probably rent out a small room in a nice restaurant and maybe do a little "vow exchange" and toast before the meal. Then you could still have everyone feeling included but not have to go full out cost. I was incredibly lucky to have family contributing, but if not, I really think Dh and I would have gone backyard/city hall wedding. What's more important, being married or having "the wedding". It seems from your posts that you aren't so excited about the big day than making others feel included. I know you can find a way to do this