Can I substitute a date?

moogs21

Two of my friends are getting married to each other in November. They addressed an invitation  to me and my FI. However, My FI and I broke up recently. They are friends of mine, and have met my exFI only a few times. They invited him as my date and out of respect.Now that I am single, can I take a friend as my date? Is that rude? I don't know many other people going and would feel uncomfortable by myself.And if I can take a friend, should I take a friend that they know (but did not invite) or a friend they do not know, so it's not weird?Most people I have talked to said it isn't a big deal to take a different date sine they are friends of mine, but I'm not sure. The couple isn't super picky, but just trying to be polite.

sarah0725

I would call the couple and ask them what their preference is.

ootmother2

"They addressed an invitation to me and my FI"I would not subsitute, it specificly said FI's name.Are you close enough to ask the bride?Don't just stubstitute as they invited your FI, no a friend.  Ask first and if it's no, just go and mingle with the other guests, no biggie

moogs21

I did email one of her close friends and bridesmaids on her opinion, but she has not gotten back to me. I didn't want to feel like I was bugging the bride. And I thought calling may put pressure on her to say yes, because she is such a nice wonderful person.

ootmother2

And I'm sorry about your broken engagement.

ExpatPumpkin

Sorry to hear that you and your FI broke up But why don't you just call your friends and ask them? I can't imagine that they'd expect you to go alone, but you should give them the head's up. Oh, and invite a friend they don't know... It would be kind of strange to bring a friend they didn't invite.

NotNumbers

Ditto Sarah, I'd ask the couple first, maybe including what you said above about not knowing many people and feeling more comfortable taking a friend as a date.

sarah0725

Definitely call rather than email, and call the bride (the groom may give you a wonky answer). Don't say anything about being uncomfortable without a date or anything that would make her feel bad and feel like she has to say yes, but keep the conversation light. The bridesmaids just aren't going to know the answer the same way, and they'll probably end up asking the bride anyway, so it's better for you to cut out the middleman. Don't sweat it too much.

squirrly

Just call and ask her.  I would mention that you are no longer with your ex-FI, but not that you would feel uncomfortable without a date.  How far out is their wedding? 

tenofcups4me

A bridesmaid really can't answer this question -- you need to ask the couple. They might have invited him just because he was your FI or they might have invited everyone with a date. No way to know unless you ask.

thesuninherhead

You need to ask. They may prefer to invite someone who they cut from their guest list rather than having a random person given that you're single, and singles do not always get 'and guest' invitations.

lpstl

First of all, I'm very sorry about your broken engagement.I would call the bride and ask if you can bring another date. I wouldn't bring a mutual friend as that could put the bride and groom in an awkward situation since they weren't on the original guestlist.

eastunder1

Don't ask friends of the bride or bridesmaids of the bride.  They can not make these decisions because it is not their wedding.  Their opinion is only that and is not something you can or should go on. Your FI was invited.  Not you "and any random person of your choosing."  Do NOT sub him out without asking the bride directly.  If you don't feel comfortable asking her, just attend alone.  

eastunder1

Also keep in mind that they may not have invited other singles with dates, and you would be putting them in quite the awkward position by asking them to do something for you that they aren't doing for others.  Do you have any single friends invited? Find out if they got a plus one.  If they didn't, I wouldn't even ask the bride.  She shouldn't be put in the position of offending others to accommodate you.  If they DID get one, I would just shoot her an email and ask.  The worst she can say is no.  (I am such a double post whore lately)

thesuninherhead

East, I am constantly double-posting, generally because I either 1) skim a post, reply and then realise that hey, my reply actually doesn't relate to the question being asked! or 2) read replies after my post and feel the need to add something else, or 3) am drunk. Either way, I am the queen of double-posting and I'm here to tell you it's ok.

[Deleted User]

I am very sorry about your broken engagement. You need to ask the bride NOT it's her wedding and I would assume she is paying. People that are not planning weddings do not understand the complex situations or cost.

kebmtm071605

This happened to two couples at my wedding (bf/gf, not engaged though).  I was aware of the breakup in one instance, and told my friend to feel free to bring someone else.  He attended alone anyway...funny thing is, they got back together and are now married. The other friend called to tell me about her breakup and asked if it would be okay to bring her cousin instead.  She prefaced by saying she totally understand if there wasn't room.  But I was glad for her to bring her cousin...we all had done gymnastics together when we were younger, so it was nice that it was actually someone I knew.

jamm2019

Sorry about your break up... I would go by yourself.  Maybe this was ment to be and you will meet Mr. (Right) Hot single guy at her wedding... If not I would just call her and ask.

dianenjnj

ask