WR: You all can shoot me later :)

Mrs.C-To-Be

I'm looking for suggestions:I am trying to find a way to acknowledge my mom who passed when I was younger, at the wedding.  I thought about doing a reading, but I have no idea who I would get to do the reading.  Then I was going to do charity donations to the ACS instead of favors, but I've heard that isn't always well received, and is deemed poor etiquette.  I don't plan on having programs, so I can't do it there.  I'm not really sure of a tasteful way to do this.    Have any of you seen/done/heard of ways that this has been done?  Or do you think this is a bad idea in general, and I should let it go?

Night_Sprite

You could do flowers on the alter announced by the officiant or a flower on a chair. 

atobias1

Leave a rose in a chair with her name on it. Maybe at the reception have a candle lit in her honor (don't make a big thing of it just have it on a table somewhere with her name next to it.)

Mrs_AF

I'm having a table at the wedding with framed photographs of family members that have past, with a centerpiece on it and candles. Maybe you could do something like that?

ExpatPumpkin

Mrs. C-to-Be!!! I paged you the other day... Hang on, and I'll repage you on the board

txmom21

I've heard of people leaving a rose in the seat that would be hers at the ceremony. I've also heard of memorial candles or photos at the reception.

ac_in_dc

You could say a few words about it at the reception if you're comfortable doing that. I'm sure there are a lot of options, that's just the only one I could think of. You could phrase it as "in memory of xxx, we've donated to yyy charity" and then I think it would be nice, rather than saying "in lieu of favors" which can sometimes sound odd.

louisvillebride21

If you're wanting to do something private, you could put her wedding ring on your bouquet or something. I am pinning a picture of my dad under my dress so he'll be 'walking' with me down the aisle.

tidetravel

I think personal acknowledgements are more meaningful than public ones - sometimes people do too much and it turns the wedding into a memorial service.  Some little things you can do:  You can have a locket/picture of her attached to your bouquet.  If you have any jewelry of hers, you can wear it during the wedding.  You can put a candle or picture of her at one of the tables (guestbook/escort card/cake)  If you want to make a donation, do it in private for yourself and simply don't have favors.

BostonBride919

My Dad has also passed and I tied his wedding band to my bouquet which is something you could do with your Mom as well. My Mom carried a yellow rose with blue ribbon down the aisle (his fave team colors) in honor of him. We also did a memory table that was set up in the Cocktail Hour in honor of our loved ones who have passed - Pics in married bio

jilybeans4

My mom is (thankfully) still alive, but I wore her engagement ring on my right hand walking down the aisle. Maybe you could do something like that, to have a part of her with you? i've heard of people having a single white flower in their bouquet for the passed family member too. I see no problem with a donation instead of favors. This is your MOM we are talking about...I almost think it would be less odd to make a public acknowlegement than to NOT. No one would think it was poor etiquette, and its not like you are asking them to donate. The ACS is a pretty universal charity too....pretty much all of your guests I'm sure have been touched by cancer.

Mrs.C-To-Be

For those of you that say don't make a big scene, I agree.  I wasn't planning on doing anything like that.  I like the idea of a candle or flower in her memory left in a chair or on a table at the reception.  I have her ring that my dad gave her already and wear it on a daily basis, so I planned on wearing it the day of as well.  Thank, girls!

Mrs.C-To-Be

pretty much all of your guests I'm sure have been touched by cancerI think most them have and all of them knew my mom (well, excpet for FI's family).  I just know I had read on here before that it was not a good idea to do the donation.  Although ac had a good suggestion of just wording it differently...

LesPaul

I put a 5x7 photo of my parents on a table at the reception with a little tealight candle.  I also did an 'In Memoriam' notation in the program.

tidetravel

The biggest arguments against donations are doing them "in lieu of favors" or making donations "in your guests' names,' because you're not.  There's also a perceived difference if you are doing it to honor someone special that is close to you, as opposed to couples that just want to bring awareness to a cause, or make a one time donation and AW it, like "look at what great people we are!!11!"If you want to donate, by all means do it.  If you want to acknowledge it, you could put a note in the program (well, you're not having one) or a small sign next to a pic of your mom that simply says "In honor of mom, a donation has been made to ACS."      

Mrs.C-To-Be

There's also a perceived difference if you are doing it to honor someone special that is close to you, as opposed to couples that just want to bring awareness to a cause, or make a one time donation and AW it, like "look at what great people we are!!11!"Ah, yes.  I see what you are saying.  Your point is well taken.

lap256

my husband's sister passed away from cancer 6 months after we started dating. Her favorite color was yellow, and people wore yellow to her funeral. We had yellow as one of colors, and had yellow roses in our centerpieces and bouquets. It was a nice way to remind us that she was there, without calling so much attention to her passing that it would make us upset.