Wedding Etiquette Forum

In a very tough situation

Hi ladies, My wedding is on November 7, less than 2 weeks away. This morning, a close family friend of FI was tragically killed in a car accident. This person was like a second father to FI and was very much a part of his life. I feel devastated. FI and I need to make he tough decision about whether or not we should postpone the wedding. 1/3 of the guest list knew this person and many were very close to him. His entire family planned to attend our wedding. I feel like this is too much to take in in just a week. I called the reception site today and they told us that we could reschedule without a financial penalty but that we needed to let them know by tomorrow morning. I haven't contacted our photographer, DJ or florist, and we also have to consider that our sisters are getting married in April, June and July so postponing would mean working around their weddings as well. I am trying not to be selfish right now, because I am very upset, but it is hard to think about a day that is supposed to be happy and joyous being gloomed down by something so sad. FI says it will be too much trouble to reschedule everything and the honeymoon, which is booked at the couples resort in jamaica. I don't know what to do. I don't even want to talk about this right now with FI but we need to make a decision by tomorrow. I feel really upset and empty and I am not sure how I will feel in a week. Please send us some knottie love. We need it right now.

Re: In a very tough situation

  • First of all, I'm very sorry for your and your FI's loss.  My thinking is that if your FI is okay with keeping the wedding as scheduled, just go for it.  A lot of people have already made plans to come to your wedding, and rescheduling it will be a big hassle - especially since you have other family weddings coming up fairly soon.  That's my two cents.
  • I am sorry for you and FI's loss.  That's a sad and tough decision to have to make.  I'm sure this person who passed would not want your FI to postpone the wedding, maybe you can do something nice to honor him at your wedding.  A candle, mention in the program. 
  • Im so sorry...  It is a hard decision to make, but you are 2 weeks out with everything booked.  I would probably go on with your wedding.  Im sure most people would want a happy moment after going through a tragedy like that...
  • Well, this really needs to be a decision that you and your FI and his family makes together.  It's not about how upset YOU feel, it's about how your FI and his parents will feel since this person is obviously like their family.  I would suggest that you and your FI sit down with his parents tonight (or by phone if they don't live nearby) and discuss it.  Discuss the options of postponing versus going ahead with your plans, including not only vendor issues but also family who may have to make a last minute decision to either attend the funeral or the wedding because of work or being out of town.Personally, I would go ahead with your wedding as planned.  I'm sure that's what his "second father" would want.  The funeral will probably be the end of this week or early next week which still leaves about a week and a half until your wedding.  People will be glad to share a happy time with each other to help ease the pain of their loss. 
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  • That is a tough situation. I'm sorry you guys are going though this right now. If your FI said you guys shouldn't postpone it, maybe you shouldn't. A lot of people have probably already bought tickets and booked hotel rooms. I know it's hard to think about money at a time like this, but some people may not be able to get a refund. I'm sure everyone would be understanding regardless of what decision you guys make. I know weddings are supposed to be "the happiest day of your life", but that's not always the case. Life happens and you have to roll with it. If you guys do decide to have it on Nov. 7th, it will be a great time for family to come together to celebrate your union with each other, it doesn't mean that you and your FI and his family aren't still hurting. I don't know what I would do, I think I would leave it up to FI since it's his family. Good luck with your decision and his family will be in my prayers.
  • I'm so sorry for you and FI. My instincts are for you to keep the wedding as scheduled, although I agree with PP that you should follow your FI's lead on this. Remember that FI's friend/second dad will be smiling down on you guys at your wedding.
  • I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I'm sure the shock is alot to take in right now. Maybe, your wedding is what people will need to lift their spirits in such a tough time and I'm sure your FI's friend would have wanted you to go through with it. It's probably something they were looking forward to.
  • I'm so sorry. Like everyone else, I think you should go ahead.  Your wedding could be a happy moment when everyone could come together, celebrate and start to heal.  Do you have people coming in from OOT?  If so, that's even more reason to keep the date because it may be a huge inconvenience for them to change their plans at this point.
  • I am so sorry.  This is such a tragic situation.  But, I would proceed as planned.  Perhaps your wedding can be a bright spot amid such a time of loss?  I'm sure his family will understand, since they are so close to you.
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  • I'm very sorry. Your wedding is in about 10 days? Unless the funeral or memorial service is scheduled for the same day, I would keep the wedding where it is. People might want to see each other and try to have a good time. Plus a lot of people would be out money for plane tickets, etc. Even those who aren't affected by this loss.
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  • Sorry for your loss. I echo pps who say if your FI says go ahead with it, do it.  I honestly think no matter when you do your wedding, there is always going to be that tinge of sadness. I agree that the person who passed would not want your plans to stop. And even though it's on the heels of  the funeral, your wedding may be just what many people need--something joyous.
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  • Yes, all of our guests are coming from out of town, although over 50% are coming from FI's hometown. It is a small, close-knit town. The hotel lets you cancel reservations up to 24 hours before without charging. I know it would be a hassle though.
  • So sorry for your and your FI's loss. I can't tell you whether to postpone the wedding or not, but if you do decide to keep it on 11/7, let yourself be happy. It was tough for me to be happy for a long time after losing a friend because I felt like it wasn't fair and that I wasn't a good friend if I wasn't mourning his loss. Your FI's family friend would want you guys to be happy, though. Hope that makes sense, and maybe helps some.
  • We think the funeral is scheduled for Sunday and most people had made arrangements to come into town on Thursday or Friday. No one is flying in but I understand that people have made travel/hotel/schedule arrangements already.
  • I just wanted to say I'm so sorry :( Ditto the PP's- I would leave the wedding.  The family will need something happy to look forward to.
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  • That's so terribly sad.  My heart goes out to you and your FI right now.I really don't have any advice because it really is up to you and your FI.  Talk to him and see how he feels.  My sympathies to you both.
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  • ditto pps. I too would go ahead with it. Unfortunately you never know what is going to happen :( I'm so sorry for your loss.
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  • I am so sorry for your loss! I just found out last week that my brother in law has liver cancer & he's not doing well at all. Life really takes some crazy turns. I am so sorry that you have to go through this especially 2 weeks before your wedding day. I would just comfort your fiance as much as possible & discuss with the family if you should postpone the wedding. I honestly don't know what I would do. How do you feel? Do you want to postpone the day to give people time to mourn? I'm sure if you keep the wedding on people will feel joy in their hearts seeing two people in love on their wedding day. After dealing with such devistation you all may need it!
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  • I'm so sorry for your loss. I would not, however, postpone the wedding- unless your FI or his family felt that was necessary, of course, I would continue planning for the date you've organised.
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