"Serious" relationship?

andyandhillary

I'm trying to figure out some guests lists and I have a few friends who have been dating someone for a year or two but aren't engaged/married/living together.  How did you figure out which dates got the cut? 

ThePinkSuperhero

I'd give people the benefit of the doubt- anything over 6 months or so is probably at least somewhat "serious".

lyndausvi

we gave everyone a plus one.  Not everyone took us up on the offer though.

fangsiting

We're giving everyone a plus one--that way they get to decide, not us.  If they bring someone, they are more likely to dance (that's my selfish reason for giving everyone a plus one). 

laurenclaire1386

If you know these people pretty well, think of them individually and if they'd be pissed they couldn't bring their SO. 

katiewhompus

We did +1 for everyone, but I considered "serious" relationship to be dating for over a year.

uppereastgirl

We didn't invite every single person with a plus one because we knew, for example, that one of our friends has invited my husband to several weddings, so she'd surely find someone random like her brother to bring (she had plenty of friends who would be at the wedding).But if we could name a potential plus one for someone, we invited them with a guest.  I would absolutely invite all of the dating for a year or twos.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

A year or two is definitely a pretty serious relationship. FI and I considered ourselves serious after 3 months. Which isn't normal, I imagine. If you see these couples out socially a lot, then invite both of them.Send each a separate invitation at their address, too.

lyndausvi

DH and I were engaged within 3 months.  My parents within 4 months.  My sister 11 months.  Just saying, putting a time limit on the relationship does not make it anymore or less serious.At the time the invites go out should be when you  decide.  Unless they are the flavor of the month type people I think if they have been dating for even a month they should get a plus one.

lyndausvi

I would send the invite to the person you know if you do not know the guest personally or are only inviting them because of the friend.If you are friends with both of the couple, then I would send the invite to both of them.

gorjush

we considered serious to be engaged or living together. the plus one made the cut if we personally knew the person and had also spent a lot of time with that person. so for example, one girl was living w/her b/f but since we didn't know him, he was not invited. and of course everyone in the BP got a plus one, even if they didn't have a SO. we were fine if they wanted to bring a friend if it made them more comfortable being there. we found out the name of every plus one and put it on the invitation prior to sending it out bc i hate the way "Joe Black plus 1" on the envelope.

smokeybailey

My sister did plus ones for everyone but until I came here, I didn't know that inviting someone alone to a wedding was acceptable....

lyndausvi

we considered serious to be engaged or living together.  OKthe plus one made the cut if we personally knew the person and had also spent a lot of time with that person. so for example, one girl was living w/her b/f but since we didn't know him, he was not invited. I do not get it.. above a serious relationship is engaged or living together.  But this girl was living with her BF and just because you did not know him he was not invited???Explain please?

lyndausvi

*right back at you* mag  

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

It's best to find out their address and send them an invitation, but if you really can't, just add them to the envelope you are sending to your friend/family member. But that's sort of a last resort, I think.

andyandhillary

So is it ok to as my friend, "hey can I have SO's address?".  None of our other friends know him either so I can't really ask around, you know? 

[Deleted User]

so for example, one girl was living w/her b/f but since we didn't know him, he was not invited. Huh? I thought you said serious = living together. I'm confused.

gorjush

the rules we had in place were for only our friends. all of whom knew each other. and obviously there were extenuating circumstances for certain people. our parents had an allotted guest count so the rules didn't apply to people on their guest list. so DH's parents had friends who had never married and lived together for 30 yrs so they went on DH's parents list. the girl who didn't bring her b/f who we never met had 4 other girls w/o SO's at the wedding to hang out with so that was a consideration.

lyndausvi

this is where it gets tricky.  I would have thought it odd to receive an invite from a total stranger.  Being added as a date to my SO's invite would not offend me.  Now if I knew and was friends with the couple, then getting my invite would be fine.

lyndausvi

gorjush - I'm sorry anyway you slice it is still rude

gorjush

i guess i should've read this board BEFORE getting married, eh?

jenn.daniel

Engaged: invite living together: invite Have met the person and had an actual conversation with him/her: invite I'm also allowing a date for bridesmaids, groomsmen, and cousins,

Sunny0710

I would find out the SO's name and address the invite to both parties on the outer envelope. Send the invite to your friend. This is how I have been given invites in the past before FI and I got engaged Sunny

lpstl

If someone had a S/O they were invited with that guest. It didn't matter if they had been together for 2 months or 2 years. I didn't put "and guest" for any of the S/Os, we took the time to find out their names if we didn't know.

tenofcups4me

We invited every one with a guest, but if they were in a relationship, we invited that guest by name. There were a couple of friends who had been in relationships a couple of months and I wasn't sure if it was "serious" or not... so I asked if they'd prefer to have that person invited by name or "and guest." I can't imagine deciding that anyone who has been with a partner for one or two years isn't "serious" enough to invite to the wedding. And I would NOT send a separate invitation to the guest unless you were planning on inviting them anyway. Very old-school etiquette states that's how you do it, but in today's world, I think that's just weird. Put both names on the invitation you send to your friend.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I was assuming she had met this boyfriend before, at least once or twice. Or that he knew about the wedding. But if not, I'd tend t agree with you.

eastunder1

If you invited me to a wedding and left off my live in boyfriend, I would be a little more than pissed.  I certainly wouldn't attend.  That's just rude and insulting.

gorjush

well, the real reason we didn't give her a guest is b/c she is the ex of one our GM and it was his request. the GM didn't want her b/f there. we caved even tho it was rude. we were really surprised she came actually bc we aren't even good friends with her; i think the real reason she came was to see the GM. i dated DH for 6 yrs before we married and i have seen her 4 times total (she is DH's friend from HS).

TheFutureMrsM-LoungingBeachside

until I came here, I didn't know that inviting someone alone to a wedding was acceptable....I still don't think it is.All of our guests are getting a +1 if they are single.

jamalina

I just read most of the posts...what about if you have an aunt who has been divorced over 20 years & has not been with a man since? Does she get a +1? My mom said it wouldn't be appropriate to invite her with a guest.

gorjush

I think this is a unique situation where you should call your aunt and ask her if there's anyone she'd like to bring. You might suggest giving her a week to think about it and then call back and get the plus one's name if there is a plus one. That's what I would do, but apparently people here think I need P&E lessons.