Wedding Etiquette Forum

6 days before the wedding, and someone thinks they're invited but they're not.

If anyone can help me on this, I would really appreciate it, especially since I've gotten so much help already just reading other people's posts. I committed a faux-pas already by emailing a few people the date, without realizing that we wouldn't be able to invite them to the wedding once we sat down and did the numbers. I didn't send them an invitation to the shower or the ceremony, and we only see each other about once a year or so. Two days ago, one of them emailed all of us saying that they'd see us at my wedding as soon as I told them the place and time. What's the best way to do this? I don't even have phone numbers, just emails, and I know there's an apology in order but have no idea whether to email all of them, or just the one person. Any advice will help.

Re: 6 days before the wedding, and someone thinks they're invited but they're not.

  • Your mistake.  Find room in the budget/in the venue for them.
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  • I'm with Brie. You can't really 'uninvite' although I am wondering exactly how many extras you sent this email to, and how it was worded?
  • I would definitely need to know your original wording before I could advise.
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  • Yeah, it would be incredibly rude to uninvite them now.  Whether you realized it or not, sending that email was like sending an informal invitation.  I'd make room for them.
  • "If you'll email me your address, I can send you the formal invitation with the details."Then suck it up and make room for them.

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  • just try to make it work, can you afford it?did you just tell them the date or ask them to attend?how many ppl is it? this happened to me. (fi's family seems to disregard rsvp's and do not understand the timeliness issues.)it sucked but i dealt with it. (and paid for it!)i didn't even do the email faux-pas! not passing have time to work it out with your venue.
  • i would try to make it work.
  • I agree with the previous posters. But since they haven't recieved an invitation, I think it's weird that they emailed you about it, rather than getting the hint and dropping it.l
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  • MML - I sorta had the same situation, and when they didn't get an invitation, they called me.   I just explained to them, due to all of my family coming (my mom is very sick, and I invited all family due to this issue, since it is the last time we will be together as a family).  Mostly people should understand if they didn't get an "invitation formally" that they weren't invited.  I would email whoever you told about the date, and although you are going to feel terrible just be honest with them.  Our person totally understood with the circumstances why we couldn't invite them. I hope that helps.
  • Yep, your mistake so they get to come.
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  • I'm confused.. did you get engaged and send them an email saying "hey, this is our wedding date!" as in put-it-on-your-calendar or did they just ask you in passing when you were getting married and you replied?
  • I told them the date in April when one of them asked, and it's just not possible to fit them in at this point. If we had the room, I could, but we're at two remaining seats with the completed RSVPs as it is. It's totally my mistake on having said anything, I'm just going to have to look like an idiot and explain what happened. It was a one sentence email, which is why I felt like I had already incurred enough bad karma by not sending official invites to start with. The thing is, the person that emailed all of us about it came to the ceremony for someone else we know, but then bailed on the reception, so I'm surprised that they even went with the email on this.
  • I don't think that you need to invite them just because you told them your date.  If that were the case, then I would have 10,000 people at my wedding.  My parents own a business and tell EVERYONE things like that!I don't plan on ignoring those types of questions about our wedding, but I am going to be sure to make it known that we have not set a budget and aren't sure what the guest list is going to look like, that way there will be no confusion come time to send invitations. However, if you told them to mark it on their calendars, save the date, etc... or went into great detail with them [ie: times, locations, dinner choices, etc...], then I would say you extended an invitation.But like PPs said, it depends on exactly how you worded it when you talked to them.  Good luck and congratulations!!

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