Wedding Etiquette Forum
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head tables

my apologies if this has been asked a million times before. I suck at this wedding planning/etiquette stuff and pretty much try and avoid it altogether.One of my bridesmaids won't really know anyone at my wedding other than my fiancee and my parents. She now lives across the country and is not romantically attached, but I told her she could bring her best guy friend (who still lives in town and I knew fairly well) as a date if she wanted. Or, hey, if she meets a guy and starts dating him in the next 4 months, she can bring him. She can bring her best female friend as a date for all I care.If she brings a date, that person won't know anyone... so can I put a bridesmaid's date at the head table? I really don't have a problem with it. If I do that, should I put ALL the wedding party's dates/spouses at the head table? The WP is 6 people, so even if they all had dates, it's not like it would make it unreasonably big.  But for the guy who wouldn't know anyone, would that be totally awkward for him to be sitting at the head table?Should I scrap the whole head table thing? What are my options here? I really don't care either way, I just don't want anyone to feel left out or uncomfortable.

Re: head tables

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    Sweetheart table ftw.  Let your WP sit with people they know.
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    You could do a sweetheart table for you and FI and then put the bridal party with their dates at a separate table.
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    There are 2 recent threads on head tables over on the Wedding Party board. I suggest you read them and consider the options from all points of view. I appreciate that you want to be courteous to all invlved, so maybe the best idea is to ask all parties involved how they feel about it.
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    Just dont have a head table. You can have a sweetheart table for you two and sit the wedding party with friends and dates. Or you could not have any special tables and sit at a normal table with family or firends and allow the wedding party to sit with dates and friends.
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    We did a head table (kinda) but it was a round table in the center of the room. It ended up being me and dh, moh/bm (married couple), bm 1, bm 2, bm 2's date (one of my friends too), gm, gm's date, and dh's random friend.  In short, wedding party + 3 randoms. It was fun :)
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    We had 6 people in our wedding party too and did a head table with all of the wedding party members' guests.  It ended up being 12 people total include DH and me because one bm and one gm came without dates.  It was a blast :)
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    IMO if you insist on a headtable, all dates should be included.
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    You can do a few things but all of them should involve seating people with their dates.-You and your FI can sit at a sweetheart table with the dates at a king table adjacent to you.-You can do a sweetheart table with the dates seated at random tables throughout the room with the other guests.-You can sit at a round table with some family members who may or may not be in the bridal party.-You can do a head table with all of the bridal party and their dates.As PP said, we had a few heated discussions on head tables a few days ago on the WP board.  I strongly advise keeping couples together.  It's the only appropriate thing to do IMO.
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    When planning my wedding I just asked my BM's what they wanted to do.  I was surprised that they all wanted a head table with just them.  But then again all their dates knew each other and were all seated together.Since it sounds like you're pretty flexible, I would just ask you BM's what they would be most comfortable with.
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    Sweetheart table. Sit everyone else with their friends. Find a nice table for your BM and her date... Problem solved, and everyone gets to sit with his/her date and friends...
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    We did another alternative and let pretty much every one sit with their friends. We had a realllly large WP so we let college friends sit with each other and our separate high school friends sit with each other. Then, for your table we sat with our BM, MoH, my brother and their dates. It worked out wonderful because we had people who were very close to us to sit with and enjoy the meal with but no one felt alone or on display.
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    Ask your BM.  She may just feel more comfortable at a regular table.  If the rest of your party prefers a head table, let them.  Ask around and get some feelers.Most people will tell you, head tables can be pretty uncomfortable.  I've sat at a few, and they only one I really enjoyed was the one where BF and I were in the wedding together.Especially with people traveling from out of town, think of all the things you do to get ready in the morning - early hair apts, lunch, picture.  Usually a BP member is away from their date for 3-4 hours before the ceremony, 1 through the ceremony and possibly 1-2 more after for additional pictures, trolley, whatever. Meaning, YES, you can stand one dinner away from your FI/BF/friend whoever, but like 10 hours away (and mostly 10 hours filled with partial strangers) can be kind of lame.
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    Even if you ask your BP what they prefer, are you sure that they asked their partners?  When DH was in a WP, he assumed that he'd be at the head table while I sat somewhere else and while he was "fine" with it, I would have preferred he sat with me instead of across the room from me.
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    WARNING: Asking your wedding party does not guarantee honest answers. They're very likely to respond with what they [i]think[/i] you want to hear and then seeth in silence...
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    FI does not like to be the center of attention and preferred not to do a head table or a sweetheart table. We just seated ourselves with the best man and his family at the table that was in the center of the room. We were hardly there during the night and our WP appreciated sitting with their families and other friends. If you want a place of prominence for you and FI, I would recommend the sweetheart table. In the 10 weddings I've been in, I've wished that I wasn't at a head table each time.
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