wedding party... sorry so long

CLE.WLG.UIO

Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} I am planning to ask this question on Wedding Party tomorrow morning, but it seems like everyone is here right now and I would love some feedback about our wedding party plans. A little background… I live in Ecuador with my fiancé who is from New Zealand and we are getting married next July in Cleveland, my hometown.  It is important to my fiancé that “his boys” are groomsmen.  To him, this means that they all will have the same suit and have the title groomsman.  Beyond that, he doesn’t care.  He already asked the 7 guys, my brother and his brother to be groomsmen.   His brother is the best man. On my side, I have 3 close friends and 3 family members that I would like to include.  Typical bridesmaids’ duties are buying a dress and standing up during the ceremony.  However, we only plan to have the BM and MOH up front.  Additionally, I don’t really want to try to figure out a dress for girls in San Francisco, Cleveland, Boston and Wellington to wear when there is no way for me to even go shopping with a few of them to get their opinion.  I could go the route of “pick something in color X,” but I am more than happy just for them to wear whatever they like.  I have no intention of assigning them random jobs, but I think speaking parts are honors, not labor.  Would it be reasonable to include girls as follows and call them all attendants? Family 1: MOH- up front in ceremony- already asked her Family 2: reading during ceremony Family 3: speech at rehearsal dinner (my brother asked to speak at rehearsal dinner, and we would like his sister to speak too) Friend 1: officiant- we have already talked about this, she is excited about it Friend 2: reading during ceremony Friend 3: speech at rehearsal dinner (she requested to give a speech a few months ago and has also declared herself the flower girl) I was planning to get them all corsages to wear and intive them to mani/pedi/massage (on me) the day before.  I have no expectations for them helping/planning in any way.  Does this seem reasonable?  Any thoughts or suggestions are appreciated.

ZRex

I think the way that you typed it up was really complicated, but it sounds good...seems like you are including everyone in a meaningful way, and that's all that matters. Good luck!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

If I understand it, the only "official" person in your wedding party who will be upfront with you, wearing a dress in your wedding color, and listed as a member of the WP is your MOH? And FI will have 9 people? And the other people who are special to you will be reader/officiant/toast master/etc, and listed as such in the program? And they'll be getting corsages?I think your ideas are good. I'm sort of questioning your FI's sanity in having 9 people stand up there. Uneven wedding parties are fine. Your's is REALLY uneven, though. Does he realize how much of a PITA it will be to coordinate colors/clothing, buy gifts for them, and get everyone to a rehearsal?

mwhitson14

I think it sounds fine, except for a couple things. Family 3: you can't request someone to do a speech, this is a volunteer sorta thing. Friend 3: how old is this person, that they are good to do a speech and toss petals? Seems kinda random. Also, you're right to let them wear whatever they want. If they're not actually going to stand with you at the ceremony, then there's no reason to dictate what they wear, except maybe the 2 you said would stand with you. I'm not sure why you mention the guys your FI has, so all I'm going to say on that is I think it's fine to have uneven sides, but that's a pretty large gap. Why don't you want the people you picked to stand with you? Just the dress issue?

carrieoz_76

This is overly confusing. Just tell the extra girls that you'd be honored if they'd participate in your wedding by doing X. Don't call them an attendant or whatever. Calling them that is confusing b/c it could imply that they'll be standing with you, and you don't want them to. You can still include them in any WP girly activities, if you really want. Btw, I think it's odd that your FI will have 9 ppl on his side and you only want 2 of your girls standing w/ you. Your numbers don't have to be even, but it seems like you're working really hard to keep some of these girls off the stage w/ you. Ppl manage long-distance BM's all the time. If you really want them to be yours, then you can make it work by picking a designer, color and material and letting them select the dress. Or pick a designer that has a shop near them so they can all try on dresses and tell you what they like, then you pick one. It's doable if you want it to be.

CLE.WLG.UIO

I am hoping this time my font does not turn out massive!  Yes, my cousin would be the only "official" bridesmaid in the traditional sense.  I would list the rest of the girls in the program anyways, as readers, the officiant, and I am not sure what else.The other guys will definitely NOT be standing up there!  Uneven is fine, but it would be a little silly looking to have one girl and 9 guys up front.  I agree that it will be a challenge for him to coordinate the boys, but this was one of the few wedding details that was important to him.  He wants them dressed alike and called groomsmen.  However, he doesn't care if they stand up front, escort anyone in or participate in the actual ceremony in any way.

carrieoz_76

And by "dressed alike" do you mean they're going to need to rent tuxes? B/c if I had to rent a tux, I'd expect to be standing next to the guy that made me do it, not sitting in the audience like everyone else who got to wear stuff they own. However, if the GM know they're not going to be standing w/ your FI, and they don't have to pay for their clothes, then I suppose if they're fine with it that's all that matters.

CLE.WLG.UIO

Thank you guys, you are helping me think about things. Do bridal party members always stand up front?  I am not trying to ask a stupid question, its just that the only time I was ever a bridesmaid, I got escorted in but then sat in the first row with the other bridesmaids.  MOH and BM were the only ones standing up front.  I hadn't even thought that groomsmen not standing up front might be offensive.  crap!I would never think of asking an adult to be a flower girl.  However, my good friend that I lived with for 4 years in Boston and still call from here multiple times a week said she really wanted to be flower girl.  It is more of a joke, but she said that that is the title she wanted.

thesuninherhead

I'm quite sure she was still joking when she said she wanted that title (well, unless the only person who knows about the title is you. I highly doubt she'd want to see that in the program). And normally they all stand, yeah. I wouldn't list all of these people in the program.

carrieoz_76

Some of the WP board folks might know better about whether GM and BM always stand with the groom & bride, but in my experience yes, and if they sat it's only b/c it was a long church ceremony. If I was asked to be a BM, I'd expect to walk in right before the bride, and stand next to her during at least part of the ceremony.

redheadfsu

I think it is weird that the guys have to rent a tux & the girls wear whatever they want. Most weddings have the WP stand or stand for a few minutes & sit in the front row.

ExpatPumpkin

The bridal party doesn't have to stand... My girls walked before me and waited at the front until I got there. I gave one of them my bouquet. Then they went and sat in the front pew. My husband's best man did not walk - but he sat in the front pew and did a reading. Also, you don't have to list the bridal party in the program Our program included only the mass.