FMIL dress question HELP!

amania87

Here's the deal: My FMIL was shopping with her (many) sisters, and mother to look for a wedding dress for her niece. I had only been engaged for about a month at the time. Her family decided she should try on a dress  (as an option to wear to my wedding in July '10) and when she had it on it made her one sister cry and everyone told her how gorgeous it looked blah blah. She saw that it was out of her budget but her mom told her that she would buy it because her father (who she is insanely close w/ and had passed about a year earlier) would want her to have it. So she ended up buying it anyway. This was 3 months ago and I still have yet to pick a dress myself, we JUST decided on colors and MY mom has yet to pick a dress. I still have not seen my FMIL's dress she can't describe the colors but it sounds similar to what we picked. I only have 2 girls standing up and they are wearing long dresses (b/c i'm short and they are leggy) and I would think that the moms would wear long dresses and a color that doesn't match my girls. My FMIL's dress I've been told is either fuschia or Dark Blood Red. My colors are deep purple & wine. Her dress is a short sleeveless bubble dress.I tried to talk to her to see if she would be willing to look at some other dresses. My vision of my wedding quickly went from light and casual to rich and elegant. I would like to see our moms in gowns. nothing uncomfortable or over the top. I want them to stand out, all the guests will be in short dresses... Her family is full of sisters that talk and are probably think I'm a crazy bridezilla for even asking her.Am I wrong to ask her to look at some other dresses? I'm ticked that they decided to let her buy this dress (that can't be returned) without even speaking to me or letting me see it first. How can they expect me to plan my wedding around what her dress looks like? What do/can I do?

cougarette

I didn't bother reading the whole wall of text.  Based on your last questions though, I'll say that she's a grown woman and can dress herself.

niffycat

You don't get to decide what the Mom's wear. They are adults and can dres themselves.

kschwedic

You shouldn't tell your fmil what she can and can't wear--you should want her to be completely comfortable on your wedding day.  My mom has yet to pick a dress, but the one she is considering is the EXACT same color as my BMs...but I'm not telling her she can't wear it.The mom's will have a corsage, so she'll stand out and not be confused with the BMs.

ac_in_dc

Traditionally the MOG would pick a dress after the MOB and make sure the colors were different, it coordinated with the rest of the wedding, etc.But these days the moms pretty much get to wear whatever they want. You can keep her in the loop on what everyone else is wearing, but ultimately she gets to wear whatever she wants. If she looks out of place that will reflect poorly on her, not you.Try not to worry about it. You have bigger battles to fight

niffycat

*dress

*BeachBride0410*

Really nothing to do...your FMIL or mother do not have to match your wedding colors or the BM dresses. They can really wear whatever they want... "I want them to stand out, all the guests will be in short dresses"....nor can you dictate what your guests wear.

crfische

Aye yi yi....

kate51485

How can they expect me to plan my wedding around what her dress looks like?They probably are not expecting you to do this, and you should not be doing this, since it makes no sense.I think you're overreacting a little bit.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I don't think it's out of the question to tell her you're having a more formal reception and long gowns will be appropriate. Many MOGs buy dresses before MOBs now. But it would have been nice of her to ask about your colors or ask if the dress was okay, or at least pretend to follow etiquette or something. FWIW, I'd give it the side-eye, but I probably wouldn't say anything.If you have a legitimate complaint (like suggesting the dress may not be formal enough), then tell her. If not, well, you can't counter her obvious lack of etiquette with tantrum-like behavior.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Oh, and if this ends up being the worst of your wedding planning problems, you're really lucky!

kate51485

Fische, I have always wondered how to properly spell "Aye yi yi"!

crfische

Ha! I don't know if that's the proper way, but that's how it came out of my fingers!

kikibaby

So... let me get this straight- your whole wedding will be ruined because FMIL isn't wearing the proper dress to fit in to your 'rich and elegant' decor?  And how do you know that all the guests will be in short dresses?  Are you telling them what to wear?

salt78

[i] I'm ticked that they decided to let her buy this dress (that can't be returned) without even speaking to me or letting me see it first. [/i] Oh I'm sorry...I didn't realize you were fashion police. Do you get a badge and everything?

kate51485

Kiki- I think she was saying that FMIL's dress was too fancy for what she was envisioning.  Which I can understand, if you're going for light and casual, as she said, but it's not something over which she should get this worked up.

fangsiting

Unless she asked for your assistance in picking out a dress, the only opinion you get to have is the one that you quietly keep to yourself. 

pumpkinpumpkin

really, who cares? What are you going to do if you don't like it? Demand that she not wear it/get a new one? GROW UP.

duckie1905

holy overreaction batman.You don't have to plan your entire wedding around her attire.And, you aren't allow to tell grown women what to wear.

[Deleted User]

Is there a way that you can sneak into her house all stealth ninja style and set the dress on fire? If so, I really think that is the way to go.

Kati0105

I'm ticked that they decided to let her buy this dress (that can't be returned) without even speaking to me or letting me see it first.Wait, what?  A presumably middle-aged woman should not need permission from her mother or siblings (or future daughter in law) to buy a damn dress.

MissLeahM

Oh my gosh! I'm so happy for your FMIL to have found a dress! Congratulations.

SwedishChick2011

Stop.  Just stop.

kikibaby

But I still want to know why she thinks that ALL the guests will be in short dresses.

lpstl

Am I wrong to ask her to look at some other dresses?Yes, she loves this dress, and unless it exposes her in some way, you're going to have to go with it.How can they expect me to plan my wedding around what her dress looks like?No one expects you to do that. Go ahead and plan everything like you normally would. What do/can I do? Take a deep breath, realize you have gone off the deep end, and stop stressing out about unimportant things.

lyndausvi

How can they expect me to plan my wedding around what her dress looks like? What do/can I do?Why do you think you have to plan your wedding around her dress?  Just plan the wedding and don't worry about it.

lyndausvi

I only have 2 girls standing up and they are wearing long dresses (b/c i'm short and they are leggy) and I would think that the moms would wear long dresses and a color that doesn't match my girls. Am I missing something? And why do you think all your guests are going to be in short dresses.  I had a causal wedding, yet some woman had on long dresses.  They were not gowns, but they will still long dresses.

Kati0105

Methinks someone has been spending too much time with David Bridal's "Dress Your Entire Wedding" feature.

janedoe1113a

You're completely overreacting.

salt78

[i]I only have 2 girls standing up and they are wearing long dresses (b/c i'm short and they are leggy)[/i] So you want your bridesmaids to wear long dresses so their legs don't take the focus away from you?

janedoe1113a

Why is it restricting?  You don't need to plan your wedding around what either of the mothers are wearing.  They can wear whatever they want and it should have no effect on your planning at all.