BIL advice

sbily2010

short and sweat verson...bil is in the miltary we had a date around when he was to get out, keeps getting extended. Question... are we awful if we say we can't keep doing this and pick a date that we really want? idk what to do about it.

ootmother2

You're already planning over a year out, enough is enough, IMO

bintmejnuna

You're not awful. Military is nearly impossible to plan around. You've already made a good faith effort to accommodate him; there's only so much you can do. I'm sure he'll do his best to be there, and he'll understand that you can't keep moving your date.

squirrly

What branch is he in?  Right now, the Army isn't really extending many people past 12 months.  Other branches are less.  Unless, of course, they volunteer for an extension.  So - my advice would be to pick a date at least 3 months past his expected date home & stick with it.  I understand your pain.  We'd be 3 weeks married right now if it weren't for deployments of lots of very close friends.  Instead we have 6 months to go.

sbily2010

He's in just the regular army. tbh i really wanted to get married in June 2010 and instead had planed about nov 2010 for him so as mean as i think it is i'm refuse to go anylonger

tidetravel

You don't have to "refuse." That's a little harsh. Talk to your FI and make sure he's on board with the plan. When someone asks, simply say that you cannot continue to base your plans on an arbitrary date the military may pick. That you would love to have him there, but that you need to set a date so you can start reserving vendors and planning.

squirrly

Just to clarify - you're trying to plan around the date he returns from a deployment, or the date he leaves the military?  The deployment you should be able to manage, especially if he's already gone.  If you're trying to plan around when he's going to get out of the army, that might be trickier.At this point, plan for a date that he is scheduled to be able to be there for & go with it.  As long as your FI is on board, I suspect your FBIL will understand.

sbily2010

well both i guess... he was orignally suppost to be done w/ the military march 2010 but got extended until oct 2010 to go to iraq and then like 3 weeks after being in irag he'd beable to come home for good.

ggmae

It depends on how important it is to you that he is there. What does your FI think? We pushed our wedding up 5 months so that my brother (who is in the Army) could make it. There was no way I was getting married without him there. He was going to go to a training school around the time of our original date, so we bumped it u just for him. Well, lo and behold he never went to that training school and we had pushed the wedding up and stressed ourselves out anyway.It's tough to plan around the military's schedule because it is always changing and shows no mercy. I think it really is a matter of whether or not your FI can get married without his brother there. I couldn't.

dsouldiva

Personally I wouldn't keep putting my wedding back unless there was an absolute concrete reason for doing it, how does your FI feel about this? Is it really important to him that his brother is there?  This is a decision you need to make with your Fi.

AlexiaANDRobert

Ditto pp's.  This is a decision that you need to make with your FI.  Although, try to be sensitive to your FI as this is HIS brother and he probably wants to do his best to have him there. IMO, as long as you're doing your best it's all good.  But I do agree that it comes to a point when you need to just set a date and start booking vendors. Don't forget if you keep pushing it back, December gets busier and more expensive (usually because of holiday parties and travel). GL and HTH!