Ugh, are you kidding?? (Long)

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

My cousin is getting married this month. Some backstory:She was married 19 to a "man" her parents disapproved of. As such, they had nothing to do with her wedding and my grandparents and mom threw their wedding for them.Six months later, she wanted to divorce this guy because he was using drugs and spending her savings to purchase these drugs. This was not a new habit, he'd been on drugs before the wedding, but she thought he'd change.My grandparents paid for her divorce, and once it was final, her parents started speaking to her again.Fast forward to now (13 years later). She's getting married to the SAME GUY again. Her parents are being ridiculous about the whole thing because they weren't involved in the first one (they had an engagement party for her where they - King Harold and Queen Nancy - annouced the engagement of their daughter, Princess Jill.) She's 32 years old, for crying out loud, not 9. Last night, I got an invitation to a shower for her. A freaking shower. With 3 registries listed. I'm a little old fashioned (and cheap) and don't typically think there is a need for a shower with a second marriage (I know there are some special circumstances though that could make this more okay). But seriously, a second marriage to the same person??We gave you all this stuff before. You had your shower (I know, because my mom and I threw it). You set up your home WITH this man. Since then, you've lived on your own for 12 years, own a house, and are not starting out life on your own. Is it my fault he sold all your gifts to buy drugs? Vent over. I obviously will RSVP "no." Anyone else have crazy family to vent about?

vicmo5

That's insane.  Is he clean now? How did they reconnect? Why is she marrying him again?  

laurenclaire1386

Ummm no.  Just no.  I've known people who divorced and then remarried the same person and that's dumb enough.  But buying them stuff is just too much for me.  Going to the wedding would be too much for me. 

Stackeye210

Well I can understand where you wouldn't want to do the pre wedding hoopla with/for her.  Hopefully this wedding is on much better terms and they can make it last forever this time.   

vicmo5

Also, why do her parents approve this time around?

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

Supposedly he's clean now. He told my uncle "He's changed" which for all we know could mean "I don't plan to steal from my wife this time for drugs, but rather her parents and grandparents" (Obviously, I don't have a high opinion of the guy)I have no idea how they reconnected, but knowing her, I'm guessing they never stopped talking. And all they will say is "He's changed" whenever anyone asks why they're getting married again so soon. I haven't heard anything about him since this all started except "He's changed." Woohoo.

wadingmoose

The way you put man in quotes made me think there was way more to this story ;)I'm kinda sad now.Definitely RSVP no.  I have no good stories about my family.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

Stack, I'm with ya. I hope they're happy and can make it work. I really do. I don't have to like the guy, just want to wish them both well. I have no idea why her parents approve, Vic. They're the most judgemental, selfish, cold-hearted people I know. They disowned their other child (and 3 grandchildren) because he married someone they didn't like. So...I can't phathom why they're accepting him now.

SarieP

That is a Lifetime movie.

wadingmoose

It's been 13 years.  That's not soon.

J&K10910

Yikes.  That sounds like a mess.  THe queen and king and princess thing?  Made me throw up in my mouth a little.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

I put "man" in quotes because at 19, I don't know if I'd qualify him as mature enough to be a man :)That and the fact that he was emotionally abusive, threatening toward her family, and stealing from her - I don't think that makes him a man either.But hey, maybe he wore women's panties too. Never can tell

MissLeahM

I would have just sent an empty card.My crazy vent (maybe not so crazy):We are going to go look at our engagement photos (yay!) so my FMIL feels like we don't include her in the planning (we have been slacking = not planning anything) so we invited her. I thought, well this is a good time for my mom to come and try to get to know my FMIL so I invited her, she didn't really want to come because she didn't want to get in the way of FMIL, but reluctantly she agreed. So everything was fine and dandy for a few hours and then FFIL invited himself.. normally I'd say, yea sure whatever. BUT the photogs office isn't that big. And we tried to dissuade the FFIL but hes a photog too so he really wants to go. Now I have to tell my mother, but I don't think its fair to her, I may be acting like a drama queen but I think in the end I will sit out too. They can do their thing, its not absolutely necessary that I be there.

kate51485

I thought the same thing as Moose I kept waiting for the, "and 2 weeks later, he was no longer a man"

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

Me too J. I saw the annoucement on my grandma's fridge the other night and I laughed so hard I cried. What self-respecting, professional, adult would want to be referred to as a princess in print? Seriously. I would have never let our family do something that ridiculous and juvenile for me.

vicmo5

I'm still pissed that H's sister announced her pregnancy over facebook.  He doesn't have fb so I guess I'm supposed to be his messenger pigeon.  I told him but I haven't congratulated her for us yet.  The whole thing is so childish and we know we're being passive aggressive, but a phone call would have been greatly appreciated.

wadingmoose

I was really hoping for a wonderful wedding night discovery   THAT would've been funny.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

Leah, I hope your mom doesn't bail because of your IL's...can you meet the photographer in a different (bigger) place to look over the e-pics? We did ours at a Panera on our photog's laptop

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

Yes, THAT would have been hilarious Moose. Of course, then the annoucement would have read "Princess Todd" instead of "Princess Jill"

salt78

What a trainwreck. No family dramz that I have even come close to that.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

Vic - can you FB message her and say "I didn't want to deliver your happy news, so I'll be waiting to say anything to H until you call to tell him!"Of course, you've already told him, but she doesn't need to know that.

wadingmoose

Well, as my friend's husband says, "never let the truth get in the way of a good story.":)

Simply Fated

gift registries for a second marriage to the SAME person? lolwut?

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

Oh my gosh, Betrothed. What a selfish biitch. How on earth could she think it's a good idea to keep loved ones from you grandfather right now? I'll be saying a prayer that you're able to see him on Friday. I'm so sorry to hear that he's sick

gkb0910

And of course I'm so ticked at your aunt that I didn't even finish my thought...I'll keep your grandfather in my prayers that you'll be able to see him Friday.  I'm sorry to hear he's sick.  My grandpa died of lung cancer so I know how tough it is.

betrothed123

Thanks, Vogt.  I'm taking it quite hard because I was always his favorite grandchild, and we were quite close.  Plus, this is the first time someone close to me has died.

betrothed123

Thanks you GKB.  I didnt realize all the typos in my post... That's how angry I am with her right now.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt

It's going to be a hard thing to process. No one wants to see a loved one in pain, especially when you have to watch them get progressively worse.But, I'm certain that a visit from you will lift his spirits and give him a little bit of comfort. And hopefully it gives you comfort too, being able to tell him you love him. If you ever want to talk, just let me know. Unfortunately, I have a little experience with losing people I'm close to

betrothed123

I appreciate the offer, Vogt.  I might take you up on it.

gkb0910

Vogt's right.  It'll be tough.  I remember at the end, my grandpa would lose the rhythm of his breathing.  My mom wasn't working at the time and would spend all day at the hospital.  She have to help him get his breathing back.  My grandpa never let on to his pain, but we could tell.  But, he always lit up when any of us visited him.  Spend as much time with him as you can.  It sounds like you and your grandpa are similiar to me and mine.  I'm here to talk if you need me, too.

baystateapple

Bethrothed...she is fuucked in the head.  Good for you.  I hope that you get to see him.  *hugs*