Money is a Touchy Subject

lnlucas85

So I just got engaged and am in the very beginning stages of planning.  I know that one of the first things I need to do is figure out our budget.  I know what FI and I have, and I know what my parents are willing to contribute.  My question is about his parents.  How do we properly bring up the subject of what, if anything, they are willing to contribute?  I am very close to them, but money is a touchy subject for everyone...and I don't want to come off in the wrong way. So should I approach them or just wait it out and see if they bring it up and if not, just assume they're not contributing?  If I should, how????

IrishBrideND

You don't bring it up. You assume they are giving nothing unless they offer.

melissainabq

You wait it out and see if they offer. Budget without their input as if they aren't giving you a penny.

janedoe1113a

You don't ask them.  If they want to give you money, they will offer it.

aallenba

I personally wouldn't even assume your parents are going to be giving you money...I would just budget to what you and your FI can afford and anything extra can go into your savings account.

sucrets4

I could tell you to call them up and ask them point blank and then throw in a "if you loved your son, you'd pay for our wedding" and then come back here and let us know how it goes, but that would be mean.Instead, I'll agree with everyone else.

sarah0725

just wait it out and see if they bring it up and if not, just assume they're not contributing?Do this. Parents are smart, so they know that weddings have prices, and they know whether they want to help. If they want to help, they will bring it up at some point. In the meantime, budget with what you have.

redheadfsu

Please don't bring it up. They will offer if they want. But even if they offer, don't plan with the money until you have check in hand. Circumstances change or sometimes offers are not followed up with money. So just plan with your budget.

Leah&Christian09

Yep, money is touchy.  That's why it's rude to bring it up.  Ever.  Assume you are paying for the whole thing yourself until someone offers.

MeaghanandMichael

Whenever a wedding enters the family dynamic the question of 'who is paying' comes up, even if it is silently. Make no mistake about it, your FI's parents have asked themselves this question and if they are not offering flat out to pay for something it is because of their own personal beliefs of financial situation. There is no reason to stir the pot by bringing it up, so don't. They will offer if they feel they are in a position to do so.

mwhitson14

So should I approach them Don't do it!I personally wouldn't even assume your parents are going to be giving you money...I would just budget to what you and your FI can afford and anything extra can go into your savings account. This too. You can't even imagine how many stories on here have been about parents pulling out funding, parent's money with strings attached, and parent's money running out.

melissainabq

You can't even imagine how many stories on here have been about parents pulling out funding, parent's money with strings attached, and parent's money running out.Yes! People find out a few weeks before a wedding that money they thought was coming isn't. Do yourself the favor of making sure that's not even an issue. Plan with what you have. Then the rest is just a bonus.

lnlucas85

Thanks everyone SO much for the advice.  It seems pretty unanimous in what I should do...Also...since I didn't make it very clear obviously, my parents have already offered money (it's actually leftover college money I didn't use due to receiving a full-ride scholarship).

e_jakiela

My FI's parents offered to pay per guest based on some funny math they did, which I am grateful for. They also offered to pay for flowers. I checked how much flowers can cost, and spoke to my super crafty BMs and we decided that with the exception of church flowers and the bouquets, we can do all the centerpieces ourselves... that saves us a lot of money. I just wonder - how do I ask FIs parents how much they thought they would spend on flowers and if they can channel that money to some other expense? Sorry for piggybacking on your question. I thought it was relevant.

IrishBrideND

If they offered already to pay for the flowers, I would either a) have DH askb) involve them in the planning of the flowers so they can have a say and therefore work with their budget they have set out.

zitiqueen

Don't ass-you-me anybody is helping to fund your wedding until you actually have the cash in your hand. IN YOUR HAND.