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Colleague is super mad he wasn't invited

I'm kicking myself for not enforcing radio silence on my friends regarding wedding info and pictures on Twitter and Facebook. I just got a FB message from a guy I speak with somewhat regularly, who is incredibly hurt that he wasn't invited to the wedding. My excuse was that it was a smallish wedding and we had to invite a ton of family (which was true), but he's looking at the people that flew in and wanting to know why he couldn't come since he's local. :( H doesn't like the guy. At all. I tried to invite him and H said no way. But I can't just say, dude, H hates your guts, sorry. I feel like a jerk now. I guess I'm looking for validation... people get their noses out of joint about not being invited to weddings all the time right? They get over it? It would have been more wrong to invite him over H's objections, right?
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Re: Colleague is super mad he wasn't invited

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    I think its really rude of this guy to be putting you in a position to have to apologize for not inviting him to your wedding. You explained your position and he is being unreasonable. I dont think theres anything else you can do to make this guy get over it.
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    Honestly, unless you're close family or a super close friend, I just can't get imagine getting offended for not being invited to a wedding. And what's the difference with people flying vs him being local? It's not like you paid anymore for the OOT people...
    "In the old days my ass would be in your back yard picking cotton, so excuse me if I don't put much stock in how f*cking awesome the old days were." -Nuggs
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    Ditto Nebb.  Not his place to comment on your guest list.  I'd be tempted to mention that his rudeness is the very reason he didn't get an invite.And about the enforcing radio silence....you can't help that either.  You can't control what your friends talk about so don't lose any sleep over it.  It's out of your hands.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
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    I seriously cannot imagine saying anything to anyone who didn't invite me to their wedding. WHO DOES THAT?
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    You're right, he's wrong.  I'd tell him once again that you're sorry, that you appreciate that he wanted to support your marriage, but that truly you were unable to invite several people with whom you are friendly and that you hope he will understand.  You may even be able to mention that you limited the guest list to people who are close friends with BOTH you and your H, depending on how you word it.  And then - I'd stop talking/messaging with him until he gets it that he's being obnoxious.
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    If he's that much of a douche to mention it, then I don't blame you for not wanting him there.He needs to suck it up and deal.  If he really wanted to support you, he'd understand.
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    He's being crazy and rude by even bringing it up.  I wouldn't worry about it.  You don't have to justify shiit to him.
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    I think you and your H should show up at his house in your wedding gown and tux with a homeless guy dressed like an officiant. Tell him how bad you feel for not inviting him and that this is a do over. Then ask him to make you egg salad sandwiches and give you a wedding gift.
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    Ooo...an egg salad sandwich sounds really good right now.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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    I know. I may steal the idea for myself just to get some egg salad.
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    What a jerk.
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    Ditto, he's rude, you're fine. As for "who does that?" My cousins, that's who. I have cousins I never see, never socialize with, and only say hi to if we happen to run into each other. I see them only at weddings and funerals. And the sister posted on FB, on a public wall post, asking where their invitations were. And then repeatedly posted publicly how horrible I was for not inviting them. Uh huh.
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    I agree wholeheartedly with Nebb.  I want to know what happened to people realizing that it's really freaking awkward to ask why you weren't invited to something.  If you weren't invited, chances are there was a really good reason why not.  A girl who is friends with some of my friends, who has been a first-class biitch to me, got pissed off when she wasn't told personally by me or FI that we were engaged.  This is after she made fun of us to her friends for even talking about engagement after being together a year, after making some nasty comments about me and FI, and after telling me that the crystal ring FI gave me for Christmas "should just be the engagement ring, since he can't afford a real diamond."  And you think you're getting an invite to the wedding?  I can't believe she even had the guts to be hurt that I didn't tell her in person about the engagement.Sorry.  Yeah.  People get the noses out of joint all the time, and if he thinks you're rude for not inviting him, he's equally rude for soliticing an invitation and/or calling you out for not inviting him.
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    srsly, if I didn't get an invite I could read between the lines.  I wouldn't want to hear straight up that I wasn't liked.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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    I've been disappointed before to see weddings I don't get invited to (all reasonable, nothing crazy), but I would never, EVER say anything about it!  Part of being a grownup is just swallowing life's little disappointments.
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    Well, getting invited to a wedding isn't a RIGHT.We are having a VERY small wedding (under twenty people including us) and everyone (including us) has to travel to the destination. We also have told people that "we want a small wedding and we are limiting it to some very close family and friends (and by close, we actually mean ones that we have strong relationships with, meaning even some "blood close" relatives are not invited). Everyone we have stated that too seems very understanding (even a little envious) and even says "that's the way to do it".I think your colleague is being a little bit crass in how he is responding to his non-invite. The only people who should be invited to your wedding are the people you both WANT there. I would say that if YOU really wanted him there, I wonder why FI has such an objection to it...but in any case...a non-invite is not something anyone should get all uptight over in my opinion.
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    Wow, what a jerk! You do not deserve to be treated like that. Honestly, I have been left off the guest list to colleagues' weddings before but I sucked it up and completely understood that family takes precedent over work friends. I was even once invited to the "ceremony-only" part of a work friend's wedding (which I thought was rude) and all I did was politely decline. I would NEVER ask why I was not invited to a wedding. THAT is just rude.
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    >people get their noses out of joint about not being invited to weddings all the time right? Maybe. But they never never SAY anything about it. And here's the answer you can FB back to this guy: "Look, my parents hosted the wedding, and they had a very restricted guest list for the event."
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