Wedding Etiquette Forum
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FMIL, not sure

I am not sure what to do. My FI and I picked out this china pattern that I love (he didn't care too much), probably the only thing I absolutely want from the registry. My FMIL called and offered her china that she got for her wedding to FI's dad (they are divorced now, and the wedding china was never even opened) and said I could take the china off and people would buy something else instead. Should I accept this and take the China off? Am I being ridiculous?

Re: FMIL, not sure

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    Do you want that China?  I don't think there is anything wrong with getting your own China.
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    Are you being ridiculous about what?If you like her china, then I would accept her gift.  That is very nice of her to offer and you can get other things you need.
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    It's a really lovely gift.Do you know what the pattern looks like?  Does DH?This is one of those things that I'd accept only if I thought that I'd use it and like it.  If I felt like I was "stuck" with it every time I was entertaining formally I'd kick myself that I didn't register for it.So it's up to you.  I don't think it's bad to take it - but it should be something that the two of you like.
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    Am I being ridiculous to say no to her. Sorry I took some Nyquil so my brain is a little rattled. I haven't seen the china yet. I guess I could look at it and see if it is even my style. Plus, the reason I even want China is because I want to hand it down to my kids and to their kids. My grandmothers china went to my older sister. I guess this would be a start and it could be really pretty.
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    If you love your china, thank her graciously but tell her that you really love the pattern you chose and are absolutely flattered that she offered hers. I don't think you should take it if you don't intend to use it - since it was never opened, it's obvious she's hoping for it to be used and loved. Keep in mind, people will buy what they want off your registry, and though it's okay to have it spread word of mouth that you want your china (if people ask what you really want), you still may not get it. If you want to be guaranteed to get a full set of china, take FMIL's (unless you;re willing to buy the rest or exchange other gifts to get it).
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    I'd at least see it before you veto it.  We aren't even registering for China.  Also, you know it is good shape.
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    Do you want china for sentimental value or for pretty factor?Mil offered me her china and though it's not really my style at all, the fact that it was her grandmother's really pulls at me. If I'm going to have something that I want to pass to my kids, at least there is the fact of "this has been through 4 generations" vs "here's my china, do you like it? no? oh..."Remember, your kids may think the same thing about the china you pick out (not liking it and wanting their own).Could you accept it and then start working on your own collection and give it back later or repass it to a family member who might want it?
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    Very true. I guess I will see it and if it isn't my style I will just politely tell her that. Everything is just a big ordeal with her I am just worried she will freak out and get completely offended, which she does ALL the time. Ex. #1 We aren't inviting her second cousins FI's third cousins, he hasn't seen them since he was 3 or 4 and cannot remember them at all. When we told her this, she cried for two days.
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    Man, if she never opened it, I would have sold that shiit when I got divorced.We registered for china, but I know I'm getting my family's set.  It's getting too old to really use, though, so we registered for a cheaper set....for semi everyday...?
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    Take FMIL's china.
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    If she cried for 2 days about not inviting people FI hasn't seen since preschool, you just need to be ready for the drama if you decline the china.  Chat with FI about this and have an agreement between the 2 of you that if you don't like it, you don't take it.  He needs to be on board here in case you decline.  Who knows, you might really like it. I have my g'ma's china.  To use the term "butt-ugly" would be an understatement.  It never sees the light of day.
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    I'd at least look at it before declining. If it's really something you don't want, I think you and your FI need to be on the same page and just say something like, "I've always wanted something that FI and I received together so we can pass it on to our children and I really prefer this pattern/style." FWIW, I didn't even register for it and my mom's aunt offered me hers.  It's a semi-complete set, just missing some tea cups.  It has a few nicks and chips, but I feel very special that it came to me when she has her own grandchildren she could've given it too. GL!
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    Take a look at it, and if you like it, accept it.  If you don't, then decline.  Just say you have your heart set on the china from your registry.  It's generous of your FMIL to offer, but you don't have to her up on it.
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    There was supposed to be a "take" in that last sentence.
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