I need some advice on this...long and sorta a vent

bmward87

Ok how do I even start without boring all of you...Basically my dad died when I was 9 then my grandpa died 2 years ago, and my other one died a long time before I was born...I have an older brother...

When FI and I first got engaged I automatically thought of course I will ask my brother to walk me down the aisle! So I asked him and he said yes and blah blah...

Well now I am facing a deliema, I don't want to have him walk me down the aisle anymore...in short he has been a total @$$ to me my entire life and has never been very supportive to be. I sorta asked him just because he was my brother and I love him, but now I just think it would be a bad idea, especially after getting cussed out the other day for no reason from him!

I just now feel like I jumped the gun when I asked him when we first go engaged, and if we had a good relationship it would be different. I don't want to tick him off or hurt his feelings (granted he has NEVER considered mine!) and I don't want him to take my niece out of the wedding or something.

Plus, FI and I really like the idea of me walking in and and him meeting me halfway down the aisle. I really love this idea and honestly if I had even thought of this I would'nt of even asked my brother in the first place!

And no my mother is not going to walk me, we don't have that kind of relationship either.

I don't know and sorry for making this so long, I am just stressing out and need some advice!  thanks in advance ladies!

thesuninherhead

You don't need someone to walk you, and I'm sure that as it gets closer and you don't speak to your brother about it, he'll probably presume that you don't want him to- or at worst, ask if he is still needed to do that, at which point you can explain to him that you've since re-thought it and would prefer to walk alone (if you want to soften the blow, you could continue by saying that you would appreciate him doing x (maybe a reading or something) instead).

dianenjnj

don't do anything right now....you have plenty of time for this tiff to blow over and maybe you'll feel differently.  if, come aug/sept you feel the same, tell him you'll walk alone...no reason...you would just prefer it that way.

suninherhead

your wedding pictures are the best i've ever seen!  

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-thislong-sorta-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:10df8615-e4e7-421a-bd06-ace7d9b344c2Post:08ac1923-2264-4e34-a019-911a95a18bcc">Re: I need some advice on this...long and sorta a vent</a>:
[QUOTE] suninherhead your wedding pictures are the best i've ever seen!  
<p>Posted by dianenjnj[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>Thank you! Our photographer is a friend of ours who has quite amazing talent, given this is his first year of shooting weddings!</p>

sarah0725

What kinds of things has your brother done exactly that make him such an ass? Do you think he would be terribly hurt if he didn't get to walk you down the aisle? Do you think it would cause a rift in your relationship?

Generally, the conventional wisdom around here is that once you ask someone to be in your bridal party or do something major in your wedding, you're stuck with them unless you want to end the relationship entirely, because kicking somebody out of your wedding is the kind of thing that can lead to major rifts. In this case, though, I'm not sure if that would happen, especially if you just remain quiet about it and wait for him to ask, like thesun suggested.

FWIW, before my brother and his wife got engaged, they told me I was going to be a bridesmaid in their eventual wedding. When said wedding actually rolled around, they decided to go with one attendant each, and asked me to do a reading. I was sorta hurt, but I got over it. I definitely still talk to them (even if my SIL can occasionally be a piece of work).

scoetto

Why not have your brother walk you halfway down the aisle and "give you away" at that point?

bmward87

Thanks Ladies for all the advice...

Sarah: I don't know if he would be hurt, honestly I have never seen one ounce of sadness come from him.  And I don' t think it will cause a  bigger problem between us just because we already don't have the best...it is sorta just the way he is, no emotion...his girlfriends grandparents died and he told he to "suck it up" no sympathy at all! I just don't want to regret having him do it later on down the road, I don't know I guess it is hard for me to explain how he is and our relationship on a board   I could have him read something though, but then again he isn't religious and freaked when he figured we were doing it in a church!

I could have him walk me halfway, or he can just walk our mom down!

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-thislong-sorta-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:10df8615-e4e7-421a-bd06-ace7d9b344c2Post:38f0181a-fe83-413f-b568-65d0eec352bd">Re: I need some advice on this...long and sorta a vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks Ladies for all the advice... Sarah: I don't know if he would be hurt, honestly I have never seen one ounce of sadness come from him.  And I don' t think it will cause a  bigger problem between us just because we already don't have the best...it is sorta just the way he is, no emotion...his girlfriends grandparents died and he told he to "suck it up" no sympathy at all! I just don't want to regret having him do it later on down the road, I don't know I guess it is hard for me to explain how he is and our relationship on a board :)  I could have him read something though, but then again he isn't religious and freaked when he figured we were doing it in a church! I could have him walk me halfway, or h<strong>e can just walk our mom down!</strong>
Posted by bmward87[/QUOTE]

That's the best idea I've heard thus far for your situation.  Have him seat your mother & then walk yourself.