RSVP didn't say "and family" but they included their baby...

Ellen&LukeD

I am trying to limit the number of kids at the wedding so unless they are in the wedding (or immediate family) the invitation said Mr. and Mrs. without "and family" or "and guest".

One of my friends recently had a baby, but on their invitation it just said Mr. and Mrs. I was hoping that it was clear enough that children were not invited. However, the RSVP they sent back said 3.

Should I tell them it's an adult only reception or let it go?

ps. our wedding is in less than 2 months!

LesPaul

Newborns are generally exceptions to the 'no child' reception.  Do you really expect them to leave a 3 month old child with a babysitter?  Especially if she's nursing.?

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvp-didnt-say-family-but-included-their-baby?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1103cfc9-10cc-4808-aaf9-b35031f4e641Post:ebeb6e2f-0218-4b6c-85d3-527bbbae157f">Re: RSVP didn't say "and family" but they included their baby...</a>:
[QUOTE]Newborns are generally exceptions to the 'no child' reception.  Do you really expect them to leave a 3 month old child with a babysitter?  Especially if she's nursing.?
Posted by LesPaul[/QUOTE]

Ditto this.  How old is the baby?  Newborns and nuring infants are considered the exception to the no kids rule.

goutesh

If it's a newborn, let it slide.

banana468

You can certainly say that the infant isn't welcome.

BUT, nursing infants are normally the exception to the rule.   Please understand that if the mom IS nursing then her need to express won't change even if the baby isn't there.  Therefore if she isn't able to pump (and some women just can't), you're also essentially telling her that she isn't going to be able to make it.

And if she *is* able to pump, you're telling her that you'll have a place for her to be able to do so - because that need won't go away just because her baby isn't there.

Just understand that there are a variety of logistical issues involved in your choice.  And by making that choice, you can't be upset if people decline as a result.

LD1970

Just so there's a voice of dissent, they're not ALWAYS an exception.  

First, not everyone breast feeds.  Most of my friends haven't and neither has/is my sister.  

Second, it's a perfectly acceptable solution that a baby stays home with a sitter or other family member I'd happily watch my nephew for my sis & BIL to go to a wedding, and they've had trusted me with him.  In fact, I've been watching him almost every Thursday since he was about 3 months old & my sis went back to work.  A wedding is no different than a workday.

Third, it's also a perfectly acceptable response for these people to stay home.  It happens.  One or both of the parties invited to a reception can decline for whatever reason - work, kids, trips, illness, whatever.  It's all a matter of what the priority is.

banana468

LD, in a sense I agree with you.

The OP doesn't HAVE to make an exception for BFing infants or even if they're not nursing.

But for the sake of argument, if the mom is nursing, I do stand by my post that she'll still need to express in case she can actually pump.

From a personal perspective, Chiquitabanana will be here in under a month (EEK!).  I'll take off 6-8 weeks and then it's back to work for me.  My plan is to nurse the baby and then to pump while at work.  Ideally we won't need to supplement with formula or if we do it won't be too much.  My plan is to pump at least 2x/day at work and they already know this.  I'll bring the milk to the daycare center.

Now most weddings that DH and I go to are OOT.   So if we're invited to one, we're spending more than a workday's worth of time at the wedding.  Add to that the possibility of needing a hotel room and we're talking A LOT of pumping and there may not be enough supply for the baby depending on me, the baby, and how long we're gone.

And yes, those are OUR choices.   I wouldn't hold it against someone who has a child-free wedding.  That is the choice of the hosts.  However depending on how old the child is and how far away we'd have to go, the hosts need to understand that it's simply too much of a logistical issue for us to be able to attend without the baby and they shouldn't hold it against us either.

Manwaithiel

If you really want your friend there and it's worth to help her out, I would let the baby slide. If someone has a spaz attack about not being able to bring their toddler to the wedding...then their inability to distinguish between and infant and a 3 year old is their problem, not yours.

DramaGeek

I'm stuck on RSVPing for three.  If I invited friends with a newborn and they RSVPd for 3 I'd wonder WTF they were bringing with them as I think of the number as my headcount for food.  It would never dawn on me to count an infant into that number!

Steph0871

FWIW, my step brother RSVP'd for their 1 year old, even though we didn't invite him.  (We're not close.)

Kid came anyway, apparently cried during the ceremony. But guess what,  I didn't notice.  Other than crying during the ceremony, what are you worried about? I don't think the baby can ruin your reception.

Ellen&LukeD

Thanks for the responses. The "baby" isn't a breast-feeding baby but a toddler. My fear is that he will cry/scream during the ceremony which could be annoying. At the same time, I don't want to make her feel she isn't welcome. 

So knowing this, I don't know if asking them to leave the child with a sitter is asking too much...? (They live in a different city, but are within driving distance)

hetshup

Ellen- I found out after the ceremony that a 2 year old and 4 year old were freaking out during the ceremony. I literally heard none of it, I was to in the zone and trying not to weep. 

This is a case of calling and saying; Im sorry if there was any confusion, but due to space/budget/flying monkeys you are not able to accommodate their child, but you are happy to help find child care ( if you do in fact want to help find child care)