Walking into an etiquette problem. How can I best comport myself? (long; sorry!)

EK2013

TLDR: Party being thrown by others in honor of our engagement; guest list is mostly those not invited to wedding. Discovered that it was an engagement party after receiving our own invitation.

Avion22

Normally I would recommend that your fiance talk to his mother and express that you both were under the impression that this would be a graduation party and NOT an engagement party. However, in this case, what's done is done, invitations are out, and it's probably too late to decline the party.

You're right, aside from being gracious and pleasant, there's not much more you can do, except perhaps to try to deflect the attention AWAY from your upcoming wedding and back toward celebrating your fiance's graduation.

Kristin789

Engagement parties are traditionally hosted first by the bride's family to introduce the groom to the bride's extended family, and then hosted by the groom's family to introduce the bride to the groom's extended family.

Customarily, these engagement parties are family parties, and most but not all of those people will be invited to the wedding. 

You're right that engagement parties are traditionally hosted in the first four months after getting engaged, and your last moment in that traditional window would have been January 31.  But really, your FMIL is just excited, so let her have her party.  What should you do?  Shrug a lot.  And if someone wants to passively aggressively manipulate you into inviting him/her to the wedding, you should say, "Oh, my parents are hosting the wedding and they have to keep the guest list small.  You could go ask my dad if you want.  He's over there in the navy golf shirt."

cpblanco

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_walking-into-an-etiquette-problem-how-can-i-best-comport-myself-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1135ab0a-bd04-436e-a0e1-8370adc7baafPost:e87624ce-cb0c-4ff9-9d64-89e26bc400ec">Re: Walking into an etiquette problem. How can I best comport myself? (long; sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]Engagement parties are traditionally hosted first by the bride's family to introduce the groom to the bride's extended family, and then hosted by the groom's family to introduce the bride to the groom's extended family. Customarily, these engagement parties are family parties, and most but not all of those people will be invited to the wedding.  You're right that engagement parties are traditionally hosted in the first four months after getting engaged, and your last moment in that traditional window would have been January 31.  But really, your FMIL is just excited, so let her have her party.  What should you do?  Shrug a lot.  And if someone wants to passively aggressively manipulate you into inviting him/her to the wedding, you should say,<strong> "Oh, my parents are hosting the wedding and they have to keep the guest list small.  You could go ask my dad if you want.  He's over there in the navy golf shirt."</strong>
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

<div>You're kidding, right?</div>

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_walking-into-an-etiquette-problem-how-can-i-best-comport-myself-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1135ab0a-bd04-436e-a0e1-8370adc7baafPost:73325a7d-6d21-4ce8-bfeb-8114cd347b1a">Re: Walking into an etiquette problem. How can I best comport myself? (long; sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Walking into an etiquette problem. How can I best comport myself? (long; sorry!) : You're kidding, right?
Posted by cpblanco[/QUOTE]

<div>Nope, she is not.  She never posts about a bride or groom taking care of any problems, it is always - you can talk to my parents because they are hosting the wedding.  If there are any problems between people she posts that you must sit down with your officient to work them out.  Never anything where a bride and groom are independent adults who can solve their own problems.</div>

DramaGeek

I think you can still avoid wedding talk.  "So, when are you getting married?"  "The end of July.  Have you tried the bean dip?  It's really good."

Starqueg

I went to a party like this a couple of weeks ago, with the assumption that we aren't invited to the wedding.  Honestly, people aren't dumb.  If they haven't received a save the date or an invitation by now, they won't expect one.  You might get that one person who tries to convince you to invite them, but just do as PP suggested and change the subject.