Registry announcement

nicoledyan

I'm having a small wedding that is mostly DIY. No bridal party or bridal shower. We're planning it in 2 months on a tight budget, and we're not traditional at all. I have absolutely no desire to spend time creating a wedding website. We are registering at honeyfund.com to save for a honeymoon. How do we let people know about this registry if not on the invitation?

SmallenForever

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-announcement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:11531581-5823-4fa9-91a4-d56be35f7a6aPost:390c1908-b724-4dcd-9b33-3aa8e29c0cfd">Registry announcement</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm having a small wedding that is mostly DIY. No bridal party or bridal shower. We're planning it in 2 months on a tight budget, and we're not traditional at all. I have absolutely no desire to spend time creating a wedding website. We are registering at honeyfund.com to save for a honeymoon. How do we let people know about this registry if not on the invitation?
Posted by nicoledyan[/QUOTE]



Website and word of mouth. Do not put it in your invites.

OliveOilsMom

Honeymoon registries are rude, please do not create one.  If there is nothing that you need, do not create a registry at all.  Your guests will get the hint and give you cash, which you can then use as you like.  If someone asks your mom where you are registered, she can reply: Nicole & Groom are not registered anywhere, they are saving up money for the honeymoon though.  It lets guests know what your plans are without saying, Hey - Give me Money!

You will not even get the full amount that a guest donates for your honeymoon.  These types of registries take a cut of any money donated.  So if Aunt Sally wants to give you guys the massage valued at $100, she is actually giving you $93.50 after the website takes its cut and you aren't necessarily getting that massage Aunt Sally wanted you to have.

TaraKeeley

Don't use one of these registries... mostly it bothers me that they take away a percentage of the money peoplea re trying to give you. Tell the people closest to you that if it gets brought up, you want cash, not gifts. Without a registry, most people will figure that out.

AdeleDazeem

Registry information never goes anywhere written.  People tell other people - it's how it's been done for all time.

Honeymoon registries are kinda rude, for the record.

TiffanyT816

Not only are the honeymoon registries rude, but they are a rip off! I looked into it for about two seconds. When I saw that they charge a ridiculous fee, I was out. I'm not paying that fee and I would NEVER expect someone who is giving me a gift to pay a fee.

If people want to give you money, they will.

ETA: A wedding website is super easy to make and free...

Cortney1982

You do not let people know about it!  If you can't afford your own vacation you surely don't ask others to fund it.   Make a small registry at a store (Macy's, Target, Crate & Barrel, etc).  If people ask if your registered then you can tell them.  Guests who only give gifts will go that route and others might give cash.   We had only 25 guests and ended up with a decent amount of cash gifts and was able to have a week of fun after the wedding and we didn't have to ask.  Going on a fancy honeymoon trip isn't a requirement.

nicoledyan

Basically, no one actually answered my question. You all just decided to give your opinion of my choices. Thank you for reminding me why I didn't want to do a traditional wedding with all of the traditional bull. For anyone curious, honeyfund.com does not take a portion of your gifts.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-announcement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:11531581-5823-4fa9-91a4-d56be35f7a6aPost:f716a3ce-8459-4106-b2b5-a088bcd33289">Re:Registry announcement</a>:
[QUOTE]Basically, no one actually answered my question. You all just decided to give your opinion of my choices. Thank you for reminding me why I didn't want to do a traditional wedding with all of the traditional bull. For anyone curious, honeyfund.com does not take a portion of your gifts.
Posted by nicoledyan[/QUOTE]

Yes, we did answer your question.  We said you spread it by word of mouth.

And, you can be an non-traditional as you want, but manners are universal.  You never ask anyone straight up for money.  A honeymoon fund is asking for cash no matter how you slice it.  Being "untraditional" and "offbreat" does not give you license to be rude. 

Please don't confuse tradition with etiquette.  They are two very different things.

aurianna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-announcement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:11531581-5823-4fa9-91a4-d56be35f7a6aPost:f716a3ce-8459-4106-b2b5-a088bcd33289">Re:Registry announcement</a>:
[QUOTE]Basically, no one actually answered my question. You all just decided to give your opinion of my choices. Thank you for reminding me why I didn't want to do a traditional wedding with all of the traditional bull. For anyone curious, honeyfund.com does not take a portion of your gifts.
Posted by nicoledyan[/QUOTE]

You asked for advice on an etiquette board. They told you Honeymoon registires were against etiquette.
They also told you that you do not put registry info in invites and let it spread by word of mouth. This is the correct thing to do and the answer to your question.

OliveOilsMom

If honeyfund.com doesn't take a portion of the donations, then how are they in business and make money?

misshart00

In Response to Re:Registry announcement:[QUOTE]If honeyfund.com doesn't take a portion of the donations, then how are they in business and make money? Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

They don't charge fees because when someone "buys" something, a thing pops up and tells them to write a check directly to the couple.

My thought is, if you're spreading it by word of mouth anyway, cut out the middle man. Instead of, "they have a honeymoon registry on honey fund" say, "they don't have a registry, but are saving for a honeymoon." Same thing, but one is etiquette appropriate.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-announcement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:11531581-5823-4fa9-91a4-d56be35f7a6aPost:f716a3ce-8459-4106-b2b5-a088bcd33289">Re:Registry announcement</a>:
[QUOTE]Basically, no one actually answered my question. You all just decided to give your opinion of my choices. Thank you for reminding me why I didn't want to do a traditional wedding with all of the traditional bull. For anyone curious, honeyfund.com does not take a portion of your gifts.
Posted by nicoledyan[/QUOTE]
 
Paypal, which is how you pay for the "donation" though, does take a percentage.

As others said, skip this. It's rude. And, frankly, I would give you a check instead because I don't like giving credit card info to any old random site. Just tell people that you're not registering as your house/apartment/life is already set up, but you are saving for your dream honeymoon. Simple enough, no pissing people off.

harper0813

Traditionally, guests give gifts. Sometimes, especially when there's an older or more traditional crowd at your wedding, this will not be expected but I really don't think people will find it rude. Heck, it's an easier way to buy a couple a gift and you know that they're REALLY going to enjoy it! This is 2012 and tradition is changing and becoming obsolete.

That being said, there's really no other way to spread word about the registry other than a website and passive word of mouth. That's more of an etiquiette issue (whereas I don't think a honeymoon registry goes against etiquette, being a non-traditional bride myself - heck, I'm having cheese instead of cake at my wedding!) because it could come off as you fishing for or expecting gifts from your guests, and they're technically not required to give you one. Honestly, wedding websites are free, easy and quick to make and you can make them non-traditional, I swear. Savvy Bride has some pretty nice templates.

Don't be disheartened by some of the blunt posters here. I sometimes let it get to me too, but in the end, just worry about what makes you happy. You're getting married, after all, and that's awesome!

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_registry-announcement?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:11531581-5823-4fa9-91a4-d56be35f7a6aPost:05ef1de2-4537-4f06-9712-0d51dc305fe5">Re: Registry announcement</a>:
[QUOTE]Traditionally, guests give gifts. Sometimes, especially when there's an older or more traditional crowd at your wedding, this will not be expected but I really don't think people will find it rude. Heck, it's an easier way to buy a couple a gift and you know that they're REALLY going to enjoy it! This is 2012 and tradition is changing and becoming obsolete. That being said, there's really no other way to spread word about the registry other than a website and passive word of mouth. That's more of an etiquiette issue (whereas I don't think a honeymoon registry goes against etiquette, being a non-traditional bride myself - heck, I'm having cheese instead of cake at my wedding!) because it could come off as you fishing for or expecting gifts from your guests, and they're technically not required to give you one.
Posted by zoberg[/QUOTE]

So many things.

1. Gifts are never required at a wedding and not bringing one is not rude.  You don't throw a wedding to get gifts.  Acting upset if someone does not give you a gift only makes you look spoiled.

2. I agree that buying a gift the bride and groom really want is the best way to go, which is why it's MUUUCH easier to say "Oh, we're saving for a honeymoon!" so people will write checks if they want to give a gift instead of "We're registered for cash, err, at honeyfund where they take a cut of the money."  C'mon now.

3. Again, please don't confuse tradition with etiquette.  Weddings are full of both and it's important to understand the difference. 

Traditions: CAKE, champagne, walking down the aisle, bouquet toss, white dress, certain vows, certain music, etc... 

Etiquette is about treating your guests well and includes: providing food, entertainment, drinks (either non-alcoholic or not), and ensuring that you don't overstep your bounds with your guests wallets.  Don't make your guests pay for things at your reception and do NOT ask for money. 

Being an off beat bride or non-traditional bride means that you aren't following standard traditions.  Knock your socks off.  But, it does not mean that you should stop following some etiquette because you are going to offend your guests and ensure that you are discussed behind your back for a long time.  This has nothing to do with "Oh, but my family will understand" or "they love me, they don't mind my asking for cash!"  They will.  I guarantee it. 

I swear - I'm not trying to be mean with this post - but I am trying to very clearly explain the differences between these two concepts and share why being off-beat has nothing to do with making it okay to ever ask for cash from your guests.

Summer2011Bride

Ditto everything Joy just said. Being "non-traditional" does not give anyone a free pass to break etiquette and practice poor manners. Ever.

I truly don't understand the necessity of a HM registry. Even IF it doesn't take a fee (which someone pointed out, Pay Pal does and that's how you pay), it's just a middle man! Why can't Great Aunt Sue write you a check, put it in a card, and hand it to you? Why does she need to go to some website online, pay THEM, and then have THEM write you a check? This makes absolutely zero sense to me.

Guests are NOT buying you a massage, romantic dinner, or excursion like the HM registries try to tell you they are. Nope. Just paying someone else to write you a check. Don't get it.

harper0813

Joy - thank you for the response. However, I never said that gifts were required. In fact, I said that they were not required.

Joanna Goddard has been talking a lot about honeymoon registries, and honeymoon registries exist and have become fairly mainstream (and are brought up on major wedding blogs on a regular basis). I really don't see how anyone would be offended that they'd be chipping in for a honeymoon rather than buying a blender. That being said, it of course would not be required of any of the guests, just like gift-giving is never required.

I do think that registering for home goods is tradition rather than etiquette, but I think we can agree to disagree. And it's very clear to me that no one else here agrees, and that's fine.

To the original poster: know that you have my support, especially since this is a small wedding. I think you can get away with posting a link to your honeymoon registry on your wedding website (should you choose to create one), with a short and very gracious message explaining why you chose not to register. I, as a wedding goer, would never ever mind giving the gift of a fraction of a honeymoon!